


Chaotic Geometry: The Fractals' Ficlets

by STARSdidathing



Series: Criminals & Forensics [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Affection, Anger, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Desire, Dirty Talk, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Fantasy, Feels, Ficlet Collection, First Dates, First Time, Friendship, Gen, Goodbyes, Hand Jobs, Happy, Happy Ending, Howard Stark's Good Parenting, Hugs, Infatuation, Kidnapping, Kissing, Kittens, Light Angst, Living Together, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Gets a Hug, Loki Needs a Hug, Love, Lust, M/M, Male Friendship, Masturbation, Nicknames, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Obsessive Behavior, Oral Sex, POV Multiple, Pining, Pre-Slash, Protective Bucky Barnes, Requited Love, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sleepy Cuddles, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Lust, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Weddings, Wordcount: 50.000-100.000, Worry, friendship feels, happiness, pet adoption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-07-27 09:10:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 81,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7612291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of accompanying pieces and continuation/sequel ficlets for my completed FI story Fractals of a Criminal Mind. </p><p>Each chapter will also have an individual summary depicting it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 5 Accompaniment: Barnes confronts Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Tony has been taken from his apartment by persons unknown, Barnes confronts Loki over his suspicions of the criminal's involvement in the kidnapping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS GUYS. THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: _CONTINUING FICLETS!_
> 
> Now, I must stress to any new readers **_PLEASE READ ALL OF FRACTALS FIRST_**. Here is a **[link](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/13996465)** to the chaptered story as there will be spoilers and I really want to avoid that. It's safer for everyone if you read it as a whole and then skim the accompanying chapters of each ficlet when and if you need to :)
> 
> Now, as for existing readers who have finished Fractals. Welcome! Here is the first chapter of this mini-series. I will be linking the chapter it accompanies in the story for easy reference/re-reading and this one deals with [Chapter 5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/14539897)! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also, do we see the little 1/? on the above. Because, did I mention 'eleven'? Did I do that? That has since become _inaccurate_ and I'm not putting a number up there until I know for sure :| We'll see what happens. I will also be updating the tags when they become relevant/I think of new ones, haha.

It had been a long day. A _very_ long fucking day and it was only morning. It felt like every day was just getting more drawn out since Stark had started being such an idiot with Loki Laufeyson.

Oh, Stark didn’t _admit_ who the gifts were from, but Bucky knew. Bucky knew and it was enough to make his neck feel tense; it was enough to make Bucky _watch_ his friend and quietly collect evidence on him.

It was more difficult than Bucky expected. If the idea wasn’t completely ludicrous, he’d worry about what Stark could do if he _wasn’t_ on their side. But he had faith in that, in Stark. He talked a lot when he was drunk with people he trusted, especially about why he was here. No, Tony Stark wasn’t going anywhere.

Bucky just wished he could shake some fucking sense into the scientist before he got his head blown off.

It was like having a toddler somedays –a toddler with a massive intellect, his own personal security system, and enough stubborn resolve that Bucky had a snowball's chance in hell of stopping him. All he could do was watch from afar and try to keep his idiot of a friend from walking off a cliff.

Thankfully, Steve understood and helped whenever he could, even if it was just by _not_ asking questions and calming his pacing form as he tried to keep himself from stealing Stark’s _gifted_ knife and throwing it back in the face of the man it had come from. But he couldn’t. So he simply worried privately and got back to work. 

A series of high-end robbers hardly held the kind of gritty hunting, fighting, and satisfaction that he wanted, but it was better than nothing.

He was down in the morgue talking to Dr Banner and Darcy Lewis (a security guard had died, a heartattack it turned out) when Steve burst in. His eyes were wild and worried, and Bucky instantly felt his own matching concern and wanted to reach out and run fingers through his hair until he could calm him. He wanted to wipe all the pain off his face and soothe every trouble on his mind, wanted to _destroy_ what had hurt his lover - but he was forced to stay where he was. 

Bucky was far too aware of the cameras and the people watching them to ever risk something so obvious as that.

“Stark’s been kidnapped.”

His whole body went cold, and even though Darcy had gasped and Dr Banner had dropped the clipboard in his hands, it was Bucky that drew everyone’s attention. His voice was devoid of all emotion but that facade of calm was only barely contained. His panic was rising underneath the surface. “ _What?_ ”

Steve took careful steps forward, reading him like a book with his eyes bright with worry - _for both of them_. “Stark didn’t come in this morning,” Steve informed him flatly, “I went to his apartment to check on him.”

“Why?” Bucky demanded. Steve blinked, probably at how rough his voice was becoming, “Why did you go there, Steve?” _Because you’ve been worried_ , his mind automatically filled in, because he’d been talking to Steve about Stark’s ludicrous decisions all without ever naming names. “ _Fuck!_ ” Bucky started pacing, but he was already _well_ aware of just what utter fucking _asshole_ had grabbed his friend.

He strode towards the door, feeling Steve’s hand land on his shoulder, and despite every muscle feeling tense, and the fact that anyone else would have been glared and growled at, he stilled for his lover. “ _What?_ ”

Steve wasn’t at all concerned by his spat words. “You don’t know who did this, Bucky. I know you want to find Stark, but you have to take a moment to think rationally.”

“I don’t need a fucking moment,” Bucky snapped, shaking off Steve’s hands. “I know _exactly_ where to go to find him.”

“Bucky!” Steve tried, but he wasn’t being derailed again. Bucky had one person and one person only on his list for who had Stark. There was only one criminal mastermind who was obsessed with Stark and had gone out of his way to visit him before.

If Laufeyson had harmed one fucking hair on his friend’s head, Bucky was going to shoot off every finger until he told him where Stark was. No one hurt his friends. No matter how agitation inducing or idiotic said friends were, they were off limits. Bucky was going to explain that to Laufeyson, thoroughly and painfully, until he understood and _left Stark alone_.

“Bucky!” Steve called again, hurrying to catch up with him. He got an unfortunate advantage when Bucky had to wait for the elevator. Steve stopped close to him, too close really when they were still being monitored. “ _Bucky_ ,” he hissed, “you need to calm down-”

Shooting a glare at Steve, Bucky bit out, “I’m just going to find out if he did it.”

“And what if he _did?_ ” Steve asked, “You’re more likely to provoke him than get Stark back.”

Bucky clenched his fists and Steve shifted, blocking the cameras and placing his palm over Bucky’s in support. “He’s not going to spill his evil plan; he’s much smarter than that.”

“I can’t just stand here and hope for a miracle,” Bucky whispered, slanting his eyes to Steve. “If he did this, I won’t be able to find him, not until Laufeyson lets me. That will be too late. I need to know _now_ if he’s involved because,” Bucky swallowed, “because if he’s not, I’ll have more fucking faith we can find him in time.”

Steve pressed his lips together in a worried line, deliberating until the elevator arrived. They both looked at the open lift before Steve sighed. “I’ll give you a half hour start, then I tell Peggy where I _think_ you went.”

Bucky couldn’t smile, not until he knew what happened to Stark, but he wished he could lean against Steve, take in his support and help it stiffen his spine. He had to settle for one more squeeze of Steve’s hand against his before he moved away. He held his hand over the doors once he was inside so they wouldn’t shut. “What was the crime scene like?”

“I’ll send you the photos I took, but we’ve got people on it now.”

Bucky nodded, but he knew he’d have to go there himself, see if Stark left anything only he’d be able to pick up. He’d need to speak with JARVIS too; see if the A.I. knew anything but hadn’t had a chance to say. “You speak to Stark’s A.I.?”

“He wasn’t on in the lab when I went there.”

Bucky stiffened. _Fuck, that’s not good_. He removed his hand so the doors could close. “I’ll let you know what I find.”

“Be _careful_ , Bucky,” Steve insisted, a worried furrow to his brow.

Bucky didn’t say a thing; he didn’t want to worry his lover, not when he couldn’t promise an answer that Steve would be happy with. The increased distress said Steve knew what he was doing only too well. He’d make it up to him when Stark was back safe and sound. He’d have _Stark_ make it up to Steve for being stupid enough to be kidnapped.

Taking a breath and carefully letting it out, Bucky locked up the worry and fear for his friend so that the rage and determination could take centre stage. He had to be at his best if he was going to take on Laufeyson and find out what he needed to know. He had thirty minutes to drag out enough information to either extend his interrogation with Loki on S.H.I.E.L.D. property or to gain a location for Stark.

 _That's not going to be enough._ Bucky gritted his teeth. _But you’ll have to make it be._

* * *

Bucky got to Laufeyson’s offices with fifteen minutes left on his Steve-allowed interrogation. He didn’t bother fucking around with pleasantries and breezed right past the indignantly squeaking receptionist.

“Mr Laufeyson does not wish to be dis-”

Bucky pushed the door open hard enough to let it slam against the wall. He was ready to pick up Laufeyson by his expensive lapels and shove him against his pretentious bookcase and threaten to peel off all his nails and make him _choke_ on them until Bucky got the answer he wanted, but he didn’t need to. It took a handful of seconds and a quick survey of Laufeyson and the room for Bucky to know Laufeyson _wasn’t_ responsible for what had happened to Stark.

Laufeyson was glaring at him, furious eyes wanting Bucky anywhere but where he was. _You should have locked the door then_ , Bucky thought but didn’t say. He also knew he needed to leave and put his focus on figuring out _who_ was responsible for taking Stark, but the investigator in him couldn’t move. Laufeyson was always the picture of perfect elegance and measured smirks - _this_ man had his tie undone and his hair in disarray.

Laufeyson was _off guard_. But even more worryingly than that, Bucky _knew_ what had caused that reaction, and that was just as alarming as Stark’s disappearance was.

“I’m here about Stark,” Bucky informed Laufeyson, as if it needed any explanation. He also gave Laufeyson the courtesy of not bothering with Stark’s fake name. The narrowing of criminal's eyes showed it was acknowledged.

The secretary was stuttering apologies and glaring at Bucky, but Laufeyson dismissed her with a wave. “It’s fine, Mrs Williams. Please leave Agent Barnes and I.”

She was obviously unhappy about it, but she was a well-trained little assistant and shut the door without another word. Laufeyson ran a hand through his hair when they were alone. It wasn’t a nervous gesture, but rather it seemed an attempt to regain his composure. Bucky was surprised to note that it, and the straightening of the criminal’s spine, _did_ make him look less unbalanced. “How can I assist you, Agent Barnes?”

“Stark’s gone.”

Laufeyson did a good job of looking confused. “Stark?”

“Cut the crap,” Bucky ordered, “If you don’t have him, who does?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Laufeyson continued to lie, “but as I am not about to be cautioned or charged, I would have you wrap this up _quickly_.”

The edge to his voice was firm, but it was hiding a spark of frustration. Bucky didn’t like to draw similarities between himself and men like Laufeyson (sometimes there were too many uncomfortable parallels), but he couldn’t deny an understanding of that emotion. It was the same helpless one he’d felt since finding out Stark was gone – after seeing the pictures of his apartment.

Bucky didn’t do something as clumsy and revealing as closing his eyes or taking a breath. He steeled his mind and made himself do what he was trained to do, regardless of the worry it dug into his chest. “Stark is the man you visited at his apartment. He’s the forensic scientist making life difficult for you. He’s been taken by persons unknown, but based on the _calibre_ of people he’s put away and made enemies of, you can understand the worry in our department.”

“I do not-”

“Stark is insulting and caustic. He pisses people off and not everyone has an ability to hold their temper around him.” Laufeyson’s lips thinned, and Bucky hated painting the potential reality of it, but if it made Laufeyson slip? “People have promised revenge on him before, and anyone who’s escaped his grasp aren’t the kind of people S.H.I.E.L.D can track easily.”

“Your _point?_ ” Laufeyson snapped, his fingers twitching like he wanted to clench them, or possibly shoot something.

“Who do you know who has that kind of grudge against him?”

Laufeyson let out a harsh laugh. “You must be truly desperate to come to me for-”

“Every second we don’t know where he is, he’s likely being tortured,” Bucky said bluntly, and Laufeyson’s face twisted like he’d tasted something sour.

“And aren’t _you_ supposed to be protecting him?”

“Something tells me we weren’t the ones keeping the closest eye on him. So tell me,” Bucky took a step nearer, “wouldn’t _they_ be more responsible for having something happen when Stark was under _their_ watch?”

“I think you should leave,” Laufeyson told him, tone cold and all potential weak spots quickly armoured. 

Bucky wasn’t about to stop poking even when Laufeyson was turning away as if he didn’t pose a threat. Bucky planned to take one more stab. “So you’re just going to hole up here and let him _die_.”

Laufeyson spun on him and growled, “Do you think I'd be _here_ if I knew who had him?”

The second the words slipped free, they both knew it was a mistake. Laufeyson’s whole body went tense while Bucky’s flooded with a whole new worry. _Fuck, Tony, how deeply involved with this guy **are** you!?_

“Leave now or I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.” The way the words were hissed out meant Bucky had pushed him a step too far.

He didn’t care. Laufeyson had been his best shot, and he wasn’t involved. Worse than that, he didn’t _know where Tony was either_. Bucky was furious and worried and Laufeyson was the perfect target. “So I guess the criminal empire was more important than your pet scientist’s safety? What fucking good a protector are _you?_ ”

Laufeyson took a step towards him, eyes flaring with the kind of rage Bucky _wanted_. The kind of rage that would make Laufeyson hit him, make them _fight_ , make him get arrested for assault, and make Bucky _get out some of his anger_. “I don’t think you-”

His words cut off when the door flew open for the second time. “Agent Barnes!” Bucky clenched his teeth as Peggy stalked into the room, throwing him a look that said disembowelling was on the menu. “You’re required at S.H.I.E.L.D. _now_.” She dismissed him without any further ceremony, but with the threat of reprimand heavy around her if he didn’t move. “Mr Laufeyson, I apologise for Agent Barnes' abrupt entrance.”

Laufeyson’s fury was drawn back behind the curtains of his polite and proper demeanour. “I would give that regret to my secretary. I am well used to _this one’s_ ,” he nodded at Bucky, “rudeness.”

Peggy’s teeth were clenched behind her smile. “Would you like to make a formal compliant?”

“No,” Laufeyson answered, “I would like you to both leave _now_.”

“Of course,” Peggy answered, gripping Bucky’s arm and digging her sharp nails in deliberately as she dragged him out. “My apologies for my agent’s attitude; he will be spoken to.”

Laufeyson didn’t say anything; he just waited impatiently until the door was shut behind them.

“Peggy-” Bucky tried.

“Not a _word_ ,” she hissed. “I came here as soon as I heard about Stark even though I _hoped_ you wouldn’t be so idiotic.” She let his arm go, leaving perfect little indents. “Get back to S.H.I.E.L.D. and continue the _authorised_ search for him. I’ll handle Laufeyson’s secretary.”

Bucky didn’t want to leave it where he was, but there wasn’t more he could say. His actions weren’t defensible; especially when it was obvious Laufeyson wasn’t involved. He could only do what Peggy had said: keep looking for Stark and hope that the Director wouldn’t come down on him too hard for his actions.

He didn’t like it, but what else could he do?

What he’d said to Laufeyson about Stark was far too possible, and with their top contender out of the equation, Bucky couldn’t waste another fucking moment winding up Laufeyson when Stark could need him.

 _Please be okay, Tony_ , Bucky prayed to whoever might be listening, _I can’t find your corpse. I can’t investigate your murder. It’ll fracture far too much of me to ever repair._

Tony was the closest friend he’d ever had outside of Steve, and he didn’t know what he would do if he lost him. Tony Stark accepted him, trusted him, treated him like he was normal despite knowing the past and the fucked up things he’d done. Stark liked _him_. Out of everyone else at S.H.I.E.L.D., Tony picked him, and that had meant more to Bucky than he could ever express the moment he’d realised it.

_I’ll kill whoever hurts you. I’ll make them wish they were dead._

Bucky had two people in his life that he truly cared about. He had his teammates and acquaintances at S.H.I.E.L.D., but he _loved_ Steve, and he loved _Tony_ too. He was engaged to Steve and couldn’t imagine his life if it wasn’t tied to the other, but he also had Tony. The man that was like the brother he’d never expected and never wanted to have. Who drove him half insane and tempted him to punch until Stark stopped twitching with idiocy - but it didn’t matter because Stark was _his_.

Tony was his brother in all but blood, and the only family Bucky had left to protect. If something happened to Tony, then he’d never forgive himself. He wouldn’t be _worth_ forgiving.

 _I’ll find you_ , he promised himself, and he promised Tony, _or I’ll find the person who took you_.

One way or another, he wouldn’t fail his mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-dah! Lol. I hope you liked that different perspective! I'd love to know what you think! XD
> 
> And I'll also be letting you know at the end of each chapter just what part of Fractals the next ficlet will accompany. Soooo, the next update will accompany Chapter 9 of Fractals ;)
> 
> p.s. If you're wondering about length and how it's shorter than Fractals chapters, yes, I'm aware, sorry! They fluctuate in length. But if it makes you feel any better, there will be some Loki POV in this series too. Surely that's worth them being a bit short? ;)


	2. Chapter 9 Accompaniment: Loki's evening with Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony accepts Loki's offer to spend an evening together at _Molte Mele D’oro_. Loki has a lot of ideas about what to expect, but somehow it ends up being none of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the date night with opposite POV! That's right, you get _Loki's_ , hehe. A link to the corresponding chapter can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/15142498). Enjoy!

Loki arrived at _Molte Mele D’oro_ half an hour before their reservation. It wasn’t that he was _nervous_ about meeting Anthony, it was... it was that he was worried that he _wouldn’t_.

It had been a rash decision to throw it before Anthony, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. He’d known from the start that Anthony would hardly take his gesture with Ultron as a selfless one. He’d been constantly talking himself out of phoning Anthony since he’d left the hospital, but Loki had been having a frustrating day. There were questions being murmured as to _why_ he was protecting Anthony, as to why his activities were stopping. He’d silenced the majority of them with a tactical application of fear, but he’d felt worn.

He also wanted more than a report telling him Anthony was healing well and safely. Discovering he’d taken some time off from S.H.I.E.L.D. had been the final push keeping Loki from contacting him. Anthony’s suspicions of his motives had been expected, but his acceptance to the dinner? _That_ had staggered Loki. He’d thrown it into the conversation as a means of keeping Anthony from prying further into his reasoning. _I cannot stand the thought of you being hurt. I need to know more about you. I need you alive so that you may yet warm to me further._

When Anthony had ended the call with the promise to join him for a meal, Loki had stared at his phone for a good five minutes before he’d phoned the restaurant with a heart in his throat. It was the first chance he’d have to meet Anthony on neutral ground. His first encounter with Anthony still made him wince heavily. He _still_ didn’t know what he had been thinking. He’d just... _needed_ to meet Anthony, meet the forensic scientist who’d kept pace with him so _spectacularly_.

The desire to find someone, _anyone_ , in a sea of fools had been impossible to resist. He’d known what Anthony had looked like, of course, but grainy shots were nothing in comparison to the man he’d met. False bravado wrapped over his terror, and Loki had been attracted to the man’s mind for months. He’d kissed him half to rattle him and half to see how he would react.

He hadn’t expected _he’d_ be the one most affected by that kiss.

Their interactions had just spiralled from there. He’d been unable to resist speaking with the man again. He’d started emailing him, started _sending_ him things. _Courting him_. Loki had only realised it when he was purchasing scotch for Anthony. He’d stared at the item, his hand hovering over the bottle as realisation had filled him; he’d just spent ten minutes debating which one Anthony would like best and finding it _important_ that he pick right.

Loki had tried to stop himself, spent nights in his apartment rubbing frustrated hands over his face and telling himself to _stop this foolish game_. But it wasn’t a game, and he was in too deep. He’d been intrigued and attracted to Anthony from the start, and meeting him that first time had lit the flame underneath the need to _have_ him.

The resulting months had turned a sexual desire into an _emotional_ one. Loki was too far in to turn back, and unwilling to even if he could. When Anthony had been taken by Ultron, the panic that had overwhelmed him had driven home just how deep his affection had become. He’d been forced to ignore the realisation until Anthony was safe. Once he was, and after seeing the proof of Anthony’s refusal to give him to the authorities, Loki had been forced to sit down to a bottle of wine and admit just how compromised he was for Anthony Stark.

While he might have told the scientist he’d leave him alone, Loki couldn’t regret breaking that assurance when it got him here: _Molte Mele D’oro_ with a reservation for two.

Anthony could still send S.H.I.E.L.D. instead, could promise to be a witness in his trial, and put him to prison for the murder of Ultron and his men... but Loki knew Anthony better than that. He was fair, and he was ethical; Loki doubted Anthony would betray him.

He _did_ believe the likelihood of Anthony rethinking their meeting though. It was a risk; surely one that was far too great for Anthony to take. He was Anthony’s enemy, and despite making sure their table was private and _far_ from romantic, Loki had little hope. He still entered the restaurant with a calm confidence, watching those who knew of him either scatter or nod.

Loki kept his longing to be proven wrong about his fears locked away, and kept his resignation at dining alone at the forefront of his mind. He knew it was better to expect disappointment than to be blind-sided by it. 

“Good evening, sir,” the maître d' greeted him, oozing charm and smiling widely. “Do you have a reservation?”

Loki’s eyes narrowed slightly as a thought occurred to him. He hadn’t been to this restaurant in some time, but it didn’t mean he was remiss in his research. Knowledge was just as easy to inspire terror as a physical weapon.

“Laufeyson, for two.” He was gratified at seeing the man lose some colour. A maître d' who paid attention to what his co-workers said about who dined with whom and could extrapolate just _who_ Loki was and _what_ he could do. Excellent. Loki took a menacing step forward and let his reputation fill the man’s head with pictures. “The man who is joining me is someone I am especially fond of. He doesn’t often come here, I expect him to be treated with the _utmost_ respect,” he smiled widely but with hidden threat, “am I clear, Matthew?”

The man’s eyes went as big as saucers, and he swallowed thickly, looking ready to soil himself as the realisation sunk in that _Loki knew who he was_. He had no name badge, but Loki made a point of knowing every server in every establishment. It could be used to gain favour and learn secrets, or to simply petrify and shock.

“Y-Yes, s-sir,” he stuttered out, tripping over the words and gripping the edge of his podium tightly.

“Good,” Loki nodded. “I know the way to my table.”

Loki turned on his heel, uncaring about the state he’d left the maître d' in as he moved further into the restaurant. He found the cordoned off area and received a nod from one of the men _Molte Mele D’oro_ hired to keep their more _influential_ clients separated from only the moderately rich. It was ridiculous as Loki much preferred using his own staff for the purpose, but it would have to suffice for tonight.

Climbing the stairs, he soon reached the end of the hallway and was greeted by his server. She attempted to flirt with him, but Loki dismissed her easily and ordered some wine. To her credit, she instantly dropped the purr to her words and focused exclusively on her professionalism. When he was alone again with his drink and had surveyed the room, Loki let himself slump in his chair.

He bent over the table and stared at the empty seat. He allowed himself a few minutes of indulgence, allowed himself to _imagine_ Anthony opposite him. He pretended to make the other laugh, to make him smile and reach out to touch Loki. He pretended he hadn’t specified a standard table, that he could have asked for soft music, for a centrepiece with candles, and for the lighting to be low.

Loki closed his eyes and imagined Anthony being a familiar face to these restaurants, not because he was Anthony Stark, but because he was _Loki’s partner_. They would see him and know he was off-limits, know he was _Loki’s_ , and treat him with the respect and reverence he deserved. He only made himself blink back to himself when his thoughts travelled into using the privacy of the room for a _different_ reason.

It wasn’t good to dwell in his fantasies, not only because he might have to face the subject of them shortly, but because Loki knew all too well how unlikely they were to occur. Anthony might have a history of sleeping with the occasional man, but Loki was far from oblivious to the knowledge that Anthony was unlikely to bed a _criminal_.

Loki had a moral code that bent with the breeze. He also _wanted Anthony_ , and while the other’s job might have stood in the way of another, it meant very little to Loki once he’d gotten to know the man behind the title. Anthony was witty, charming, arrogant, handsome; he was so much more than an employee of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Loki wanted him, in every conceivable way - but he knew he was unlikely to get any of them. His principles were flexible; it didn’t mean Anthony’s were. The other was curious, that didn’t mean he would throw away his obligations for simple lust. It didn’t mean he would grow feelings for someone he’d been trying to jail for over a year.

No, Loki could long for the other all he wanted; it didn’t mean he had the slightest hope of getting him.

Sighing, Loki began to raise the glass to his lips. _Here’s to a hope I don’t believe in, and a dinner I’ll be spending alone_.

He paused as the door began to open. He was ready to reprimand the server for not having the grace to knock, but he froze, his mouth dropping open slightly as _Anthony_ stood in the doorway. He rapidly got to his feet, placing the glass back on the table, and smoothing down his shirt as he greeted the other, “Anthony, good evening.”

Loki’s heart felt like it had missed a few beats as he stared at the other; Anthony looked uncertain, but he was still _present_ , and Loki had to stop himself from grinning. _You came. I had not believed you would, but **you came**._

“Please,” he gestured at the table, wanting to do everything he could to make the other comfortable, to make him _remain_. He wanted to move over, to pull out Anthony’s chair, to be _closer_ to him and dare a brush of his fingers against an arm or a shoulder, but he knew he couldn’t. He contented himself with sitting down once Anthony had.

Their server asked for Anthony’s order, and Loki took his distraction to run his gaze over the other. Anthony was _gorgeous_. His eyes were a molten brown that Loki thought of too much at night, and Loki was determined to create the images he’d been indulging in early. He wanted to make the other smile, to make him _laugh_ at least once tonight. He wanted Anthony to _enjoy_ his time with Loki; he wanted tempt him to do it _again_.

He made himself stop staring at the curve of Anthony’s throat once their server had left. The silence began to descend around them, and Loki quickly cut through it. “I must thank you for attending.”

Anthony’s eyes had found the table, but he brought them up to Loki’s quickly enough. “We said this made us even.”

Loki’s hand twitched with the need to clench, and he did his best to keep the sharp hurt those words gave from showing on his face. _You have him here, make the most of it._ “Quite, but it’s still a risk you would have been safer not taking.”

“Why?” Anthony actually leant forward slightly. “Are you planning to kill me?”

It could have been an entirely suspicious comment, and it _might_ have pained him, but there was something in Anthony’s eyes and hinting at his mouth that made Loki smile slightly. Anthony didn’t believe it, and that made a part of Loki unwind. “I have already saved you; it would be foolish to render the gesture so pointless this quickly.”

When Anthony smiled back, when he made a comment about S.H.I.E.L.D., and about Loki’s own connections and made them admit, even if not openly, that they’d chosen to come _despite_ the consequences, Loki knew he’d managed to be lucky.

It didn’t mean the dinner would be easy, or that it wouldn’t stutter and stall and fall into potholes along the way, but Loki felt confidence rise in him. Anthony could have backed out at any time, but he’d _chosen_ to attend, if only for one evening, he had chosen _Loki_.

Whatever else the night might bring, whatever conversations Loki might have to skirt around, he had Anthony before him. It wasn’t a fantasy; they weren’t on opposite sides of a court or interrogation room; they were _sitting down to dinner_. Anthony might deny it to himself, but Loki knew what it was - they were on a date.

Anthony Stark had let Loki take him out.

Loki didn’t think there was a single thing that could bank the fire in his blood or the warmth that flooded his heart at that thought.

* * *

The evening was wonderful.

While it certainly hadn’t been a good thing to let the endearment slip out at the end of the evening, Loki doubted Anthony had the means of discovering what he’d been called.

Anthony might have also rejected his kiss, but he hadn’t refused all of Loki’s touches. He’d been able to lead Anthony down the stairs and press his lips to Anthony's temple. They were only small moments, but they were more than he’d expected when he’d stepped into the restaurant.

Loki had no regrets.

Slipping into his apartment that night, he’d barely shut and locked his door before he was taking off his tie; his mind still on the other’s smiling face and bright eyes. Loki knew it wasn’t something he should do, that Anthony was probably on the other side of town already feeling guilty about spending time with him, but Loki couldn’t stop himself.

He moved directly to his bedroom, peeling off his suit layer by layer as he let his mind go down every avenue he’d refused to contemplate at the restaurant. It had been harder towards the end of the evening, the desire to have Anthony come back to his apartment, to lie on his bed, and let Loki kiss his way down Anthony’s body.

Loki had been forced to shelve those thoughts, to hold back on an offer Anthony wouldn’t accept. But at his apartment, alone, and with a mind far too ready to rewrite the events of the evening to end with Anthony in his arms? Loki slid off his jacket, letting it fall to the floor as he allowed his mind to wander.

He imagined being allowed to kiss the other, of drawing Anthony’s bottom lip into his mouth and encouraging Anthony’s tongue to follow his own. He unbuttoned his shirt and visualised pulling back from the embrace and asking Anthony to come home with him, at being told _yes_.

Loki skipped the particulars of their arrival, picturing pressing Anthony against his door and sucking a mark against his neck, hearing Anthony whine as he led him to the bedroom. He pulled his belt from his pants and kicked off his shoes as his mind brought Anthony into the room and pressed him against the bed. He’d peel Anthony out of his suit, strew his clothes on the floor, and _mix them with Loki’s_. The image of their clothes on the floor together made Loki reach down and rub his half-hard cock as his breathing picked up.

He shoved the last of his clothes off in quick order, leaving behind his boxers as he turned the light off and lay down on his bed. The darkness was useful; it made it easier to lose himself in the fantasy of Anthony stripped and underneath him on the bed.

 _Loki_ , Anthony would moan, his hand coming to Loki’s hair and holding his mouth against Anthony’s nipple. Loki ran a hand against his leg as he pictured tonguing Anthony’s chest before he was guided down to Anthony’s stomach. Anthony would moan and bring his mouth down - no. Loki cut the thought off, and changed their positions.

He was on his back on the sheets, just like he was now. Anthony was kneeling over him, smirking and leaning close, kissing him deeply and running his hands over Loki’s chest and cupping his ribs as Loki panted into his mouth. _Loki_ , Anthony would murmur before he’d pull back and give a devious little smirk, shuffling his legs further down so his hands could hold Loki’s hips.

Loki licked his lips and slipped a hand underneath his boxers, cupping his erection and letting out a pleased hum as he pictured Anthony bending down and hovering his mouth close, _do you want something, Loki?_

 _You_ , he’d whisper - no. Loki’s mouth pinched into a frown as his heart tripped at the affectionate look Anthony would send him.

He opened his eyes and pulled down his boxers, giving himself the time to dismiss the turn of his thoughts.

 _Do you want something, Loki?_ He had Anthony ask again.

 _Yes, so get on with it_ , he’d answer, and Anthony would chuckle but move down, taking Loki in his mouth.

Loki let out a pleased sigh and began moving his hand, envisioning Anthony’s hot mouth as he sped up his strokes. He licked his lips and arched his hips, enjoying the image of Anthony’s head between his legs. But something wasn’t right about it, and he found the image changing. Anthony was beneath him, his hands gripping Loki’s back as he panted, Loki fucking into him slowly and pressing his mouth against Anthony’s temple. _Loki, oh God, Loki._

Speeding up his strokes, Loki let his imaginary self push into his lover, staring into that perfect face as Anthony gasped his pleasure and scrabbled at Loki’s back while arching into him. _Please, Loki._

 _You know what I want_ , Loki panted at him and moved his head, capturing that mouth in a kiss that readily accepted him. Anthony moaned and pulled him closer, tangling their tongues together and clenching around him.

Loki let out his own moan, arching into his hand and chasing his orgasm as they broke the kiss in his fantasy. _You know what I want, Käresta._

Anthony’s eyes fluttered opened, and he smiled around his gasps, his eyes swimming with desire and affection. _I love you, Loki._

Loki moaned lowly and arched off the bed, coming into his hand and snapping his eyes open, panting hard as he stared at his ceiling. _Fuck_ , he thought wiping his hand on his boxers so that he could turn onto his side and punch his pillow.

_I love you, Loki._

He gritted his teeth and shut his eyes tightly as the words made him shudder while his chest flared with a desperate longing to have the other beside him - to have Anthony _saying_ that to him.

 _ **Fuck**_ , he thought even more vehemently as his heart quickly fell to be replaced with something hollow and pained. _It wasn’t supposed to be like this._

Pushing up onto his knees, he had a flash of Anthony beneath him and moaning his arousal. Loki ran a hand across his face and climbed off the bed to head for a shower. _I wasn’t supposed to feel this much for him._

Loki slapped on the light for the bathroom and avoided looking at himself in the mirror. He moved straight into the shower and hoped he could drown out the voices in his head with enough hot water to burn. _You don’t even know if he’ll see you again. He barely **likes** you. You can’t be in love with him. You aren’t. You **can’t**._

“ _Fuck_ ," Loki growled while clenching his fists tightly.

But it didn’t matter how many times he said it, the truth wasn’t about to be altered. The _fantasy_ wasn’t about to be erased. The desire for Anthony to say those things to him couldn’t be _undone_ and Loki knew what it meant. Somehow, some way, he was falling for the other.

He was falling for someone who considered him an enemy and flinched away from his touch. He was falling for someone who would never choose him.

Loki was falling for someone that he could _never get._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, what did we think of the first dive into Loki's feelsy POV? Hmm? And the sexual fantasy? And his not-so-slow slide into being head over heels for the scientist? I'm very curious to know what you think, so please let me know!
> 
> The next chapter will be dealing with chapter 11 of Fractals, hehe.


	3. Chapter 11 Accompaniment: Loki kidnapping Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is nothing Loki wants more than to have Anthony's affection - except, that is, to have Anthony alive and _safe_. It's the bitterest irony to know that in order to save Anthony, he has to steal him, and to save his life, he has to lose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe it? More Loki POV? I hope you're excited! Corresponding chapter can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/15446590)
> 
> (Also, spoilers: most of these drabbles are from Loki's POV. I love his angst! Come on, what did you expect? XD)

Loki stared at his hands. They were trembling slightly, and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. His heart felt like it was in his throat, and he closed his eyes. He felt drained; worse than that, he felt _defeated_. There was nothing he could do, and he’d tried, Lord, had he _tried_. This wasn’t like the agent’s ultimatum; it wasn’t options he wanted to take but _couldn’t_. It wasn’t the knowledge that Anthony was out of his grasp but was actually _unhappy_ with their separation as well. This wasn’t even ending the phone call with Anthony and knowing he’d lost his chance, feeling his heart splinter and knowing he’d actually fallen in _love_ and was now being forced to lose it.

No, this was something worse.

This was the irrefutable fact that what he’d just put into motion would get Anthony in his company, that it would keep Anthony _safe_ , but it would make the other man _despise_ him with every inch of his being. Loki was setting himself up for heartbreak, and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t have another choice, and he’d searched for one desperately. But he also _hadn’t had the time_.

He’d had an hour to make his decision, even less than that. The moment he’d been handed the information, Loki had known he’d needed to act. The file had felt heavy in his hand, the phone even more so as he’d started making orders. There was someone after Anthony, and all he could do was grab him before his enemies did, before anyone else realised how much of a weakness Anthony was to him.

Because Anthony _was_ a weakness.

Anthony was more than an obsession or an affectionate indulgence. Anthony had unintentionally not only gained Loki’s attention but held it, _stolen_ it. He had also laid claim to Loki’s heart.

Loki had never expected he would gain the scientist’s love in return, but he’d been hopeful for at least some more time with him. A part of him had even held out for being a comforting touch, a dalliance when Anthony was feeling lonely and wanted a single night of being worshipped.

He’d known the ultimatum had killed his chances at either. It would have taken years to bridge communications with him again after the discovery of their association. He’d known Anthony might rebuff him even then, but it had still been a _possibility_. Anthony had been growing fond of him; he knew it wasn’t entirely in his imagination. He’d been willing to wait, willing to bide his time and protect Anthony from afar, but now his hand had been forced.

An enemy was after Anthony. He didn’t know _who_ , but Loki knew he couldn’t let them find him. He also knew he was unlikely to ever be forgiven, and even if he was, it would be much later, and it would never be like it was on their date. Their _only_ date.

Anthony’s rage would be his only companion, and as much as he didn’t want to do it, the idea of letting Anthony get hurt because he hesitated was unacceptable.

It didn’t make carrying out the order any less painful.

He’d always avoided being present for any activity that was criminal in nature and in a _public_ space, but Loki wouldn’t leave Anthony in the hands of even his most trusted. He knew Anthony was running low on food; the men and women who were watching him had their calculations and observations of Anthony’s life down to the last details. Loki generally didn’t read much of them; he wished to learn about Anthony _through_ Anthony.

This was the first time he perused those files. He needed to know where Anthony would go, and Anthony, like everyone, was a creature of habit.

He had a favourite grocer, and it was simple work to block all ATM’s and other surveillance. The public and their electronic devices were harder to predict, but Loki could only hope the burning cars caused suitable distraction.

Loki was waiting poised in the back of his car as they turned into the parking lot. He spotted Anthony instantly and his heart _ached_ at seeing the other man. Loki wished, not for the first time, that he was the simple businessman he presented to the public. That he could walk over and cup Anthony’s face, could help with his groceries and court him without complications and without his illegalities standing between them.

He liked to think that if he wasn’t the man he was, Anthony could fall in love with him too.

But he knew it was a fantasy. It was a scenario that would never come to pass. He _was_ the man he was, and he couldn’t ignore it; neither of them could. It was what put him in this position.

Loki closed his eyes for one, brief moment before he opened them and made a gesture with his hand. The first explosion commenced, and Anthony startled before dropping his things. Loki instantly moved from the car. He was confident his men would do as they had been ordered, and while the rest of the populace might have been panicking, Loki only had eyes for Anthony.

When the scientist made a reach for his phone, Loki was lucky enough to reach him and grip his arm, halting the movement. Loki had prepared himself. He’d wrapped himself in as much protection as possible, knowing exactly how quickly Anthony would make the right connections.

“ _Loki?!_ ” he spluttered.

“Anthony,” Loki greeted in return, a grimace already taking over his expression.

He watched that brilliant mind look down at his arm and back to Loki’s face, his eyes clearing with horrified realisation. “You...?”

“No one will be injured,” Loki hurried to assure, “the cars were empty and nothing more than a distraction.”

Loki had gone to great pains to make that the truth. He knew Anthony would still find his actions unforgivable, but he could still do his best to make them as far from abhorrent as possible. That meant keeping the public safe, it meant keeping the destruction minimal, and it also meant making the abduction difficult to achieve by doing so.

As if it wasn’t already the hardest thing Loki needed to do.

“From _what?_ ” Anthony demanded, already cutting to the heart of the issue.

Loki felt wholly helpless and hated the feeling, hated _doing this at all_. “I am truly sorry, Anthony,” he told the other, trying to convey how truly distressed he was, “You have no _idea_ how sorry, but it’s the only option I have.”

“Option?” Anthony tried to pull away from him, and it _hurt_. Loki might be keeping it from his face, but his heart was feeling the hit of each attempt to separate them, each accusing word. “What option?”

“I’m sorry,” Loki almost whispered as one of his men started to approach Anthony from behind.

“No, you let me go, you-” Anthony snapped his mouth shut as one of his enforcers grabbed Anthony’s arms. Anthony increased his attempts to fight them off, but Loki had brought that man in particular for the sole-purpose of his strength and size. Anthony just snarled at them both, “Get the _fuck_ off me.”

“He will not hurt you,” Loki swore to him, knowing he would hardly be believed. He also let go of his hold and took the pre-prepared cloth from his pocket. He’d had it stored in a plastic bag but had removed it before exiting the car. He didn’t like any part of what was going on - doing it to Anthony, the inferior and rushed preparations, having others _touch_ him - but what could he do?

He moved in close to Anthony, the pained tightness to his eyes deepening at every attempt to kick and keep him away. “If I had any other way, Anthony,” Loki told him when they were inches apart, “it would have been done. I’m sorry.”

“For wh-mmph,” he made himself smother Anthony’s mouth; nose and words with the cloth, letting the chloroform take effect.

The look of utter betrayal and fear in Anthony’s eyes sliced into Loki’s heart and made it difficult to breathe. Anthony struggled, his heated glare fading as his mind began to fog. Loki wanted to apologise again, wanted to beg for forgiveness and explain everything, but he couldn’t. He’d already lowered his guard far too much around his men, and Anthony wouldn’t believe him regardless. He’d be speaking to deaf ears that would only turn and verbally rip him to ribbons with ease and with joy.

Loki took the cloth away once the allotted time had passed. “Disable the tracer on him and leave his phone and any other technology,” he began to order as Anthony was lifted and moved towards the car while his other associates came to join them. “I want him clean but uninjured,” he told them, “If any of you touch him more than necessary you will not live long enough to regret it.” His voice was as sharp as a whip and full of promise for that threat being carried out. “Am I _clear?_ ”

“Yes, boss,” they intoned, his perfectly trained parrots.

They were swift and efficient, moving him toward the car as they carried out Loki’s orders. Once Anthony was free of anything that could be used to track him, he was placed in the car. Another of his subordinates took the removed items, wiped them down, and tossed them to the ground. They had given him an uncertain look when he’d told them not to outright destroy the objects, but they hadn’t disobeyed.

He couldn’t tell them that Anthony would hate him enough without losing anything stored on his phone - like his home protection software.

The whole procedure was the work of minutes and hopefully without anyone the wiser. His men were lingering beside the vehicle as he moved around the car, opening the back door and pausing before he entered. “You have your orders.”

They nodded and quickly dispersed as Loki carefully lifted Anthony’s sprawled form and slid underneath him. He swallowed and laid Anthony’s head in his lap before shutting the door.

His driver knew better than to linger and Loki was grateful for that competence because Loki could hardly form words, staring down at Anthony’s unconscious form and unable to stop himself. He brought an unsteady hand forward and stroked Anthony’s hair. He didn’t run his fingers through it; he didn’t deserve _that_. He didn’t deserve _any_ of these stolen touches, but he couldn’t ignore the man before him, couldn’t ignore the face of his _love_ as it rested in his lap.

He let his fingers graze his cheek, avoiding his goatee before lightly touching the very corner of his lip. Loki let out a shaky breath and leant his head back against the seat. He closed his eyes, his fingers innocently touching the other and his legs weighed down with his head. His _drugged_ head. None of this had anything like Anthony’s permission, and Loki made himself pull his hands back. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, he looked down at the other and argued with himself.

The drive would only be for ten minutes; surely he could give himself just ten minutes of indulgence?

Loki brought a hesitant hand forward and hovered it over Anthony’s chest; _God_ ; he wanted to run his hand down the other’s form, feel the muscles in his abdomen and just _pet_ him. He wanted to know what Anthony’s skin felt like even if just through his clothes. _You drug him and then you **molest him**_. Loki flinched back from his own thoughts and drew his hands away again.

_He doesn’t want this; he doesn’t want **you**. Treat him with the respect he deserves._

Loki placed one hand on Anthony’s shoulder, just enough to steady him, the other he rested on the window as he forced himself to look away from Anthony and stare out unseeingly at the buildings.

He had only a few minutes left before they needed to transfer to the next vehicle, sedate him, and drive them both up to the house that would protect Anthony. Loki had, at most, a couple of hours before Anthony would awaken and accuse him of all manner of things. Of things he couldn’t deny. These were his last minutes of having Anthony so close, at having Anthony _touch_ him. It was wrong, but he could at least _attempt_ to enjoy it.

So, he did.

Loki closed his eyes and pretended. He imagined that Anthony was just resting, that they’d spent a long day together and were being driven back to a hotel. He imagined Anthony was comfortable enough in his presence to fall asleep, that he’d been the one to _request_ using Loki’s lap as a pillow. He imagined he could reach out and stroke any part of Anthony he liked. That Anthony would wake up amorous and full of teasing requests of what they could do once they were alone.

He knew he was only hurting himself by letting the fantasy of what he wanted play out, but he had lost Anthony either way. The least he could do was pretend that saving Anthony’s life could lead to something more than heartbreak - that it could lead to the two of them becoming _closer_.

It wasn’t as if Loki wasn’t painfully aware that it was all just a lie.

* * *

Loki was able to get more control over himself once he’d administered the sedative and had loaded Anthony into the second car. He was in the front seat with Anthony in the back - he couldn’t see him, he couldn’t touch him, he could only feel progressively _worse_ about what he’d let himself do to the other while he was unconscious.

_You touched him; you **wanted** to do more. You wanted to kiss him. You almost let your fantasies run too far. You almost disgraced yourself by growing hard with his head in your **lap**._

And it was worse, because the idea of being aroused with the man’s mouth so close? God, he had no intention of taking any kind of advantage; the thought _horrified_ him, but his mind had been caught on those fantasies.

The idea of Anthony just asleep, that they were a couple, that Anthony could wake up, recognise his state and _do something about it_. The thought made Loki shudder. It made him grip the steering wheel tighter and hate himself a little more. He was trying to protect Anthony, trying to stop Loki’s own enemies from finding and hurting him, and all Loki could do was dream about someone who would never want him back?

All he could do was mentally take advantage of someone he had _chloroformed_.

Loki parked the car in the driveway of the safehouse and rubbed a hand across his face. He felt like he’d aged a year; he felt like it had _been_ a year. Loki could see Anthony’s betrayed face when he closed his eyes; the look of a man being kidnapped, the _horror_ of a man waking up and finding out what Loki had done and imagined while he was unconscious.

_Maybe I do deserve his hate_ , Loki thought numbly while forcing himself to get out of the car.

He knew the area was secure, but he still did a brief check before unlocking the front door and leaving it open. Loki made his way back to the car when he was finished, opening it and looking down at Anthony’s peacefully rising chest. He almost wished he had someone with him.

He didn’t want Anthony in anyone else’s arms, the thought made his skin itch and his teeth clench, but _he_ didn’t want to have Anthony close, not after everything he’d just thought about the other. He trusted himself, but Loki knew Anthony wouldn’t want him anywhere near him.

_He can’t stay in the car._

Loki sighed and placed his knees on the seat beside Anthony’s legs, positioning him for easier movement as he did. He was _painfully_ tempted to crawl forward and see what it felt like to cage Anthony with his body, but it would be all wrong. He would never have a chance to experience it, but if by some miracle he did, Loki didn’t want to spoil it by having the memory of this situation hovering beside it.

Reaching in, he grabbed Anthony’s hips, hands tingling and body thrilling, but Loki squashed those parts down as he pulled Anthony further out of the car until he could grab and lift him by his under arms. It took some manoeuvring, and his mind even managed to stop drifting, focused as it was on the task. He was _fine_... right until he’d got Anthony upright and leaning on him. Loki’s arms were wrapped around his back, holding him close. Anthony’s head was resting on his shoulder, and Loki only needed to move his head a few inches, and he could bury his nose in Anthony’s hair.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Loki actually hissed. He closed his eyes and tightened his hold, steadying his breathing and keeping himself from doing anything he’d regret. Anything that would make it impossible to be in the same room with Anthony without feeling a wave of guilt and shame.

It took longer than he wanted before he’d managed to get an iron hold on himself and was able to focus on getting Anthony inside rather than the feel of the scientist in his arms. He made himself shut down all other parts of his brain, gritting his teeth and shoving his mind back on track any time he started to stray. He concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and getting Anthony inside and down the hall.

Loki had kicked the door shut with his foot, and he knew he’d need to go back and lock it, but his main concern was getting Anthony into his room and onto the bed. He had to struggle to open the door with Anthony in his arms. There was a minor setback when he got it open but had his hold slip on Anthony. He’d found his lips pressed to the edge of Anthony’s forehead, his nose deep in those locks by accident.

He’d stilled and taken full advantage of the moment before he’d pulled away and taken Anthony the rest of the way inside.

He always left his safe houses stocked with basic amenities and with beds made. He also routinely cleaned and used this one. It was his favourite and his most hidden because of it. Loki knew he was taking a risk, using a place almost more personal than his apartment to hide Anthony, but he simply hadn’t been able to resist. Not only was it the safest, but it was also, in a way, a means of _showing_ Anthony he was more than just the criminal Anthony knew him as.

He had a softer past, a life outside his crimes he was... he was just a man.

A man in love.

Loki let out a soft breath when he had Anthony lying on the pillows. He pulled back and untangled them, but he didn’t move other than to sink to his knees beside the bed. He reached out - he couldn’t stop himself - and linked his fingers with Anthony’s. He brought the hand up and rested it inches from his mouth. He didn’t kiss it; he just shifted and leant his forehead against it, resting his elbows on the bed and finding words tumbling out of him.

“I’m so sorry, Anthony. I...” he swallowed. “I would never hurt you; I would _never_ take advantage of you. You have my word that I would never touch you untowardly. I’m _sorry_ for what I have done. I just...” he pulled away from the other’s hand but didn’t let go, he laid it on the mattress, linked with his own. “I...” his tongue, his mind, everything resisted, but he made the words come out. He _owed_ Anthony this. He owed him an explanation for something he would never know Loki did. “I l-” but he couldn’t say, couldn’t admit it and he closed his eyes. “I _want_ you.” The rest at least, was easier. “Do you know how lost I am for you? I want to touch you, and I despise when others do. I want to kiss you; I want to erase all others that have come before me. I want to _be_ someone you want in your bed. I want you to give me a chance to pleasure you in all the ways I’ve been imagining.” He licked his lips, pouring out confessions that had been building inside of him, pouring out everything he felt without the fear of Anthony reacting, of Anthony _rejecting_. “I’m sorry to bring you here and that when you wake up you will hate me, but I’m _not_ sorry for the time with you, for feeling you in my arms no matter how despicable it is that I enjoyed it.”

Loki let out a shaking breath, feeling nowhere near better for releasing his words, but hoping that saying them now would make them less likely to come out in the future, when nothing would await him but the pain of Anthony’s refusal. “I never meant to fall for you. It’s my fault you’re in danger, and I will never forgive myself for putting you in this position as well as the one that might lose you your job.” Loki removed one of his hands and leant forward slightly so that he could touch his fingers gently to Anthony’s jaw. “I would give anything to be by your side. I would give anything for a night in your bed and in your arms.” Loki smiled sadly. “I would give anything for you, Anthony. My _Älskling_ , how I would have given the world to make you happy.”

Pulling back, Loki removed his touches and pushed up onto his feet. He stared down at Anthony for a moment, locking the memory away and pretended it was more than it was; that it was love not survival that drove Anthony here. That it was sleep not drugs that had Anthony resting before him. That it was choice not a _kidnapping_ that put them in the same room.

Loki gave himself that minute and then he made himself turn around and leave. 

He had to prepare the house for when Anthony woke, he had to prepare _himself_ , because Anthony would have due cause to hate him, to scream at him. Anthony would likely lock himself in his room and spit nothing but the vilest remarks at Loki. And he would take it.

Anthony was going to break him; it was a forgone conclusion by now. Loki had made his bed and he was going to lie in it willingly if it kept Anthony alive.

He’d had his time with the scientist; he’d stolen more touches than he deserved. Loki couldn’t hope for more, all he could do was protect the man who had his heart, regardless of how little Anthony would appreciate or be happy for the action.

Love could make a fool out of anyone, and for Anthony, he’d taken that role freely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What did we all think? Loki is well and truly head over heels by now, the poor guy. He's only got a lot more pain coming his way before his happy ending :'(
> 
> The next chapter deals with both 13 and 14 as it deals with scenes from both! What excitements and pain will that bring? ;P


	4. Chapter 13 & 14 Accompaniment: Loki's Domestic Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki will always want more than what he has. He will _always_ want Anthony, and while he recognises he may never have him in reality... dreams, fantasies and this forced co-habitation, they have to be some consolation, don't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! I hope another week of waiting hasn't been _too_ painful and that this was worth the time it took to arrive, hehe. Corresponding chapter (or at least, chapter 13) is [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/15754495). Enjoy!

Loki shut the door and rested the back of his head against it, his lips still tingling from where they’d rested against Anthony’s cheek.

Their second date.

Loki couldn’t stop himself from chuckling as he pushed away and moved further into his room. He still couldn’t fathom it. He’d expected to come back to find Anthony had, if not left, than at least trialled his options and given himself the knowledge on how to run should he need to.

A part of Loki had expected to come home and find Anthony had _gone_.

_Home_.

That was the other thing he’d done: slipped and called it what it was beginning to feel like. It was a prison to Anthony, but to Loki, it was... everything a home should be. His apartment was just that: his apartment. It had been home for lack of any other residence that came close enough to the term. But here? With Anthony? _This_ was a home in a way he hadn’t felt since Frigga had been alive.

She hadn’t been his mother by birth, but she’d loved him, and he’d never been able to deny his love for her. He liked to think she’d have approved of Anthony. Of course, that was to assume a situation where Anthony was _his_.

The thought made Loki sigh, and while it also dropped his spirits momentarily, it wasn’t enough to shake off his enjoyment of the evening. He’d come home weary and sore and half-certain that Anthony would find him deserving of his injured nose and the hours he’d spent in interrogation.

But Anthony had touched him softly, _gently_ , and cared for his injury. Anthony had leaned against him and told him something coveted. _I like you, Loki_. Despite the kidnapping, despite every misstep Loki had made, Anthony still had faith and affection for him. The fondness might only be friendly in nature, but there was time. The reaction to the kiss was something, even if just a slight interest in his touch. It might just be loneliness, a touch-starved craving for affection, but Loki would still take it.

He would also, alone in the privacy of his room, _enhance_ it.

Loki was already dressed and almost fully prepared for bed. He paced around long enough to hear the water running and noise in the kitchen before he quietly slipped into the bathroom to hurriedly brush his teeth. He didn’t want to be disturbed; he didn’t want Anthony to ask questions or be awkward about his advances.

When he was finished, he made his way back into his room for a second time, peeling off his shirt before slipping under the covers and turning off his lights. Lying on the bed with his muscles relaxing and his weariness catching up with him, Loki closed his eyes and allowed his mind to wander.

It wasn’t like the night of their second date where he imagined the numerous ways he could have Anthony screaming his name and moaning for his touch. This scenario was less physically intimate - yet so much more _painful_ , but Loki shied away from those darker thoughts.

He re-envisioned himself coming home - he painted the house differently, still situated away from neighbours, but not a heavily armed fortress. He slipped into the house and found Anthony the same way he’d been this afternoon: casual, reading, cooking, but instead of there being a swollen nose to take care of, Anthony just came close and murmured, _I’ve missed you_ before pulling Loki down into a gentle kiss.

Loki smiled, curled a hand around Anthony’s neck, and kissed him back; it was soft and sweet - nothing more than a _hello, where have you been, I’m glad you’re back_. He pulled back from the embrace and kissed Anthony’s forehead. _You’ve been cooking_.

_What else do you expect me to-_ No, Loki frowned slightly and smoothed out the details of the room, adding a tablet and some of the items Anthony had requested he bring back to the safehouse. _I finished early_ , Anthony started again, _and I wanted to try out a recipe_.

_Oh dear, shall I prepare the stomach pump?_ Loki teased and Anthony hit him, but when he tried to pull back, Loki caught his arm and held him close, sneaking in for another kiss. Anthony just sighed into him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

When they broke apart this time, Loki pressed his lips to Anthony’s cheek before moving down to his jaw. He felt Anthony’s skin shift as he smiled before turning his head and catching his mouth gently. _This_ kiss lasted; it was exploratory and with the edge of heat catching at the edges. Loki felt his mind begin to change tracks, and he shifted as his body started to respond.

He felt the very beginnings of guilt, and it was enough for him to break the fantasy away from that path. He also skipped forward to when they were sitting at the table. Loki had his chair pushed out and Anthony in his lap with a slight scowl. He’d been irritated to be grabbed and drawn close. _I’m not a housewife, Loki._

_I know, but I like having you close. Indulge me?_

Tony would grumble and warn him, _I will retaliate. I will put you in a French maid outfit._

_My, my, Anthony, and what depravity would you have me inflict on you in such a costume?_ Anthony’s eyes would darken - and Loki groaned with frustration at himself, opening his eyes and staring at the ceiling. He refused to use Anthony’s image sexually when the man was only a _room_ away.

Yet somehow it was easier than the other path...

Loki licked his lips and closed his eyes once more, Anthony standing beside his chair with an arm around his shoulders. _You look tired, Lokes._

_I am tired._

_Come on_ , he would encourage and pull Loki from his seat by linking their hands, _the dishes can wait, come to bed_. Loki would shake his head fondly and let himself be pulled through the house by the hand.

He moved them to their bedroom, ignoring their evening routine. He made the room a mixture of his apartment with some more suburban decor. He was lying on the bed and he tugged Anthony down with him. Anthony chuckled but automatically curled around him, hugging him close and resting his head on Loki’s bare shoulder. Loki ran a hand up and down Anthony’s back while keeping his other hand linked with the scientist’s.

_I’m glad you’re back. The bed’s been empty without you_ , Anthony confessed to him.

_Everything’s empty without you_ , Loki replied, and he _ached_ with the idea of saying that, of being able to express the truth and only receive happiness.

He imagined Anthony chuckling. _Sap_ , he also flicked Loki’s chest before he smiled and told him softly: _but you’re **my** sap_.

_Always_ , Loki whispered.

Anthony pressed a kiss to the centre of his chest that made him squirm as he flared with warmth. But the blanket of sleep was also falling over and trying to pull at him. Loki didn’t want it to end; he didn’t want to lose the man that he could almost feel on his chest as the line between dream and reality blurred. _I love you, Loki_.

Loki reached down and tilted up Anthony’s chin. The glint of gold on his hand barely registering as Loki’s sleep-fogged mind created it. _I love you too, my Anthony_.

He let himself curl up and fall asleep to the image of Anthony in _their_ bed, their home, and _their life_. He drifted away on the dream that Anthony was his in every conceivable way and that he wasn’t about to leave.

In the structured reality of his fantasy, Anthony was just as in love with him as he was with the scientist. In the middle of his dream, Loki had the only thing in the world he really wanted.

* * *

Loki woke up the next morning with bleary eyes and a mind just fogged enough to find him reaching for a body that wasn’t there. When he realised what he was doing, he groaned before cursing into his pillow, but his mind still drifted back to the images he’d fallen to sleep with, and a wistful smile touched his mouth.

When he remembered the ending, when he remembered _wedding bands_ , he made himself get out of bed.

_Useless frivolity_ , he angrily chastised himself.

Anthony was hardly accepting his touch at the moment, let alone his _hand_ , yet Loki still took one, guilty moment to imagine it. To visualise Anthony in a tuxedo that fit him correctly, that was tailored for him and matched Loki’s in carefully subtle ways. He pictured taking Anthony’s hands and pressing their foreheads together; murmuring _yes_ , murmuring _forever_ , and hearing it whispered _back_ before sharing the softest kiss with the other and knowing _we’re happy_.

Loki let out a soft sigh before running a hand through his hair and over his face. He quickly hissed upon having forgotten about his nose and brushing it enough to make it throb. He winced through the initial pain, just waiting for it to pass. God, he needed tea.

He also needed a shower, and he needed to move speedily if he wanted to greet Anthony with his morning coffee.

The thought lifted his spirits and made him smile; Anthony was _adorable_ in the mornings. He muttered nonsense and whined until he got caffeine. He splayed over the kitchen table and murmured little praises to coffee, damnation to sunlight, and if Loki was lucky, his love for _him_. Oh, it was hardly _actual_ affection, rather an unconscious, unnoticed ramble about being gifted coffee, but Loki cherished them all the same.

Loki often spent his time waiting for Anthony to awaken by imagining an even more coveted imagery: seeing Anthony waking up in _bed_. He wanted to see the pillow creases and the snuffling. He wanted every uncoordinated movement as Anthony whined about being removed from the blankets - whined about being removed from _Loki_. He liked to imagine that Anthony cuddled in his sleep and wouldn’t want to lose a warm, human pillow.

He couldn’t help grinning as he made his way out towards the kitchen. He frowned a little at the light; all the blinds were still shut - as they were always closed at night - but it still seemed brighter than usual. He yawned and rubbed his hair, knowing there would be infernal little curls but not willing to bother with them just yet. He’d check the kitchen clock and see how long he had until Anthony would get up, he could always alter his morning ritual accordingly.

He turned the corner, half-formed plans in his mind only to halt abruptly when the kitchen came into view, when Anthony’s _awake and curious eyes_ locked onto his.

_Oh **God**_ , he thought, feeling utterly mortified and his cheeks flushing to match. He almost crossed his arms, trying to hide as a wave of embarrassment swept over him. _He can’t see me like this_.

He was undignified, half-dressed, _imperfect_ , and now he could never erase that from Anthony’s mind. _I want him to find me attractive, not **disheveled**_. Loki hurriedly tried to fix his hair while attempting to draw Anthony’s attention away from how he looked; he was wearing the pants that were _half-frayed_. “Anthony, I didn’t expect you up.”

How could he expect to gain Anthony’s interest, even just his _carnal_ interest, when the only time Anthony saw him without clothing was at his _worst?_

He was meant to be charming; he was meant to be _grand_ , not _ruffled_ and _ridiculous_. God, what if this was all Anthony would think when he saw him now? How could he expect to keep Anthony’s esteem, keep his _attention_ if he lost the few things that Anthony found _palpable_ about him?

“Eleven in the morning, Lokes, I think _you’re_ the one to oversleep,” Anthony told him, using the nickname that always made Loki’s chest go warm with pleasure. Now it flared right next to Loki’s mortification and lost some of its charm because of it. “I told you that you needed it.”

“My apologies,” Loki murmured, not quite meeting Anthony’s eyes as he said those words for more than just his appearance and his oversleeping - he also said it upon the sudden reminder of his _fantasy_. The image he even now still desperately wanted. He wanted to wake up and make his way out to _their_ kitchen and have Anthony kiss his cheek and embrace him, tease him about being such a late riser. He wanted to close his eyes and hold on to the man in his arms, not frantically try and return himself to some order, hoping Anthony wouldn’t hold it against him and his chances.

Pitiful though they were.

“I was going to make you tea,” Anthony began, “but had no idea which one to pick.”

Loki froze, a yearning forming in his chest that he couldn’t quite keep from flickering across his face. Because he wanted it. He _wanted_ to move into the kitchen and hug Anthony from behind, put his chin on the shorter man’s shoulder and let Anthony prepare his drink. _But it wouldn’t be that, would it?_ Anthony only meant to make him tea, nothing more. It didn’t mean Loki didn’t want it: a further taste of a _domestic life with Anthony_.

“You can get a shirt,” Anthony continued, “if you want, and a comb? I can boil the kettle while you do?”

_A comb, oh gods_. Loki’s hands itched to go back to his hair, and a pained sound of embarrassment was catching in his chest. When he briefly met Anthony’s eyes, he saw _amusement_ , and for one of the few times in their acquaintance, he just wanted to flee.

He didn’t even try to curb the desire; he just muttered something under his breath - he wasn’t even sure what - and jerked his head in a nod. He then turned on his heel and hurried towards the hall. He just needed to get away from Anthony until he could collect himself. He just needed a few minutes, and he would be _fine_.

“So what tea was it exactly?” Anthony called, making Loki almost trip before stilling. “You didn’t tell me.”

Loki knew his skin flamed, and he couldn’t do a _thing_ about it. He wished he could, but he’d been caught off-guard, and they _both_ knew it.

_**Fuck**_ , he internally hissed before he made himself mutter some kind of instruction for Anthony to follow.

He could hear Anthony’s chuckles follow him out of the room, and the second he’d cleared the hallway, Loki brought a hand to cover and rub at his eyes. It didn’t help remove the red from his cheeks or the sick twists of humiliation in his stomach though.

Why hadn’t he paid better attention to the time? Why did he even _think_ he would beat Anthony awake without taking the proper time to check? _You’re letting your guard down_. And of course he was; it was pathetically _obvious_ how far inside his defences Anthony had crept. There was no one closer, no one more important, and there was no one more inclined to _not give a damn_.

Loki closed his eyes and slumped against the wall. He let himself have a few moments of despair, a few moments of _reality_. He might have wanted to avoid Anthony seeing him so... _flawed_ , but the truth was that Anthony wouldn’t care. All of Loki’s perfection on his appearance around Anthony was because he wanted to _impress_ , he wanted to _entice_ , but they both knew by now that Anthony wasn’t interested in pursuing something with him.

It didn’t matter what he wore or what he did; Anthony would always be disinterested in him.

Where Loki saw Anthony’s early-morning form adorable, and where it made his hands twitch with the temptation to ruffle his hair, straighten his clothes, _pull him into a hug_ , Anthony had probably found more amusements from _his_ discomfort than any attraction to what he looked like.

_But he does find you attractive_. But Loki was already shaking his head at himself and grimacing, because it wasn’t the same. Anthony had appreciation for him physically - he’d seen small moments where Anthony had appraised him favourably - but they were few and far between.

He had to accept that. He had no _choice_ but to accept that.

But why was it so hard?

Loki just sighed at the question and pushed off the wall. He was already far too aware of the answer to that, he had been for a long time, and he was even more conscious of why he was unable to ever change it.

_Love was so desperately difficult to give up on_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. What did we think? Are we getting a little over Loki's POV? Well, if that's the case, you're in luck! The next chapter _isn't_ from Loki's POV. It _also_ deals with the same chapters in Fractals: 13 and 14. What is covered in it though? Well, that's for next week to show.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting. I hope you're all still enjoying these accompaniments! I will also tell you that there is only two more weeks before we move into ~sequel territory. So, hopefully you're all excited for that ;)


	5. Chapter 13 & 14 Accompaniment: Steve & Bucky respond to the kidnapping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they find out Tony's been taken, Bucky knows exactly whose responsible. Steve has to try and calm his lover before he's taken even further away from the case than he already is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's something a little different to the sea of Loki POV we've had. Some _Steve_ POV. Hehe.
> 
> The corresponding chapter is more or less the "same" as last time, although, it doesn't really have a super defined timeline. I'll link chapter [13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/15754495) anyway though.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“That fucking asshole,” Bucky seethed, pacing up and down their living room while Steve closed the door to the apartment. Bucky had almost knocked it off its hinges when he'd kicked it open. “He’s got Tony,” Bucky continued to spit; “We know that fucker has him. _He_ knows it, and we _still can’t get Tony **back**_.”

"Bucky-"

" _No_ ," Bucky hissed while twisting to face Steve. He was standing coiled and tense, glaring at his lover even as Steve came cautiously closer. "There is no fucking calming down, Steve. There is no ' _everything will be okay_ '; because Loki Laufeyson is _obsessed with Tony_. He wants to _**fuck**_ him and how goddamn far is he pushing Tony to make that happen? How long is it going to take for Tony to... to..."

Steve came near enough to lightly grip Bucky's tense arms. He tried to fight it, but it wasn't enough to make Steve let go as he pulled the other man against his chest and wrapped him in his arms.

Fury had forced Bucky to leave SHIELD and he was still infuriated. Fury had been right to do it, but Steve knew his lover wouldn’t want to hear that. Yelling and verbally threatening Laufeyson was bad enough, but _punching_ him in the face was another matter entirely. The worst part was the way Laufeyson had just _accepted_ it. Wiping the blood away and waving off the help of Agents or the ability to charge Bucky.

Like he knew why it had happened, and understood. The thought made Steve’s stomach squirm with discomfort and concern for Tony.

"He's not going to force him,” Steve still told Bucky, not only because he believed it, but because it was what Bucky needed to hear.

Bucky just let out a pained scoff. "If Laufeyson wants something bad enough-"

"Thor said it won't happen."

" _Thor_ ," Bucky's derision was clear. "That fucker wouldn't know Laufeyson if he-”

“You told me that Tony thought he was safe in Laufeyson’s hands,” Steve said firmly. “Tony made a bad call getting so close, but Laufeyson has saved his life. For all intents and purposes, he seems keen to protect Tony. He might have kidnapped him for a lot of reasons, but I can’t think he’d force Tony to do something he didn’t want to-”

Bucky pulled away from Steve, his face tight with discomfort and a shake to his head. “That’s the problem, Steve. I’m worried that it’s going to be something Tony _wants_ to do.” Steve frowned, but Bucky didn’t seem to notice it even as he elaborated. “Tony likes him. He’s always been interested in him, and it was _fine_ from the minimum safe distance of _his lab_.”

“Tony wouldn’t sleep with a crimin-”

Bucky scoffed and looked at Steve pointedly. “Tony does what he wants. He _conforms_ to some of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s rules because it doesn’t hurt him to play along. If Laufeyson’s charming, attentive, and _persuasive_ enough, nothing will stop Tony from giving in to his interests over S.H.I.E.L.D.’s.”

Steve’s lips thinned. “You have a low opinion of your friend.”

“Hah!” Bucky barked and shook his head. “I have a _realistic_ outlook of what drives Tony.”

“And what’s that?”

Bucky shrugged. “His decision.”

“What do you mean ‘his decision’?”

“Exactly that, Steve,” Bucky sighed, “Tony runs on wonder, determination, and the need to solve a puzzle.” He looked torn between exasperation, fondness, and something painfully drawn. “When Tony makes up his mind, it would take a fucking _nuclear blast_ to even shift him slightly. You can’t make Tony do anything he doesn’t want to do. You can only convince him why he _should_ do what you suggest, and even then he might refuse just to spite you. Tony is made up of stubbornness, intelligence, and the desire to beat _everyone_.” Bucky ran a hand across his face. “And Lafueyson’s always been Tony’s biggest weak spot.”

“Bucky,” Steve firmly, but gently told him, “you have to give Tony more faith than this.”

Bucky was already disagreeing, “You don’t understand, Steve. You...” He closed his eyes and pinched his nose briefly. He then dropped his hand to look at Steve sadly. “I didn’t tell S.H.I.E.L.D. everything that went on between them.”

Steve stiffened slightly, remembering his own conversation with Tony and the hopeless devastation lurking in his eyes. “What happened?”

He sighed. “Something I promised him the chance to admit on his own.”

“But he didn’t get to take it,” Steve quickly pieced it together. “Oh, shit. _Bucky_ ,” he suddenly realised the fragile place his lover was in. He moved forward and placed a hand on the other’s chin and hip. He angled Bucky’s body to be closer and encouraged him to catch Steve’s eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

Bucky’s mouth twitched into the barest wince. “I threaten to whistle-blow on them, and only _days_ later, Laufeyson takes him? You know we don’t believe in coincidences, Steve.”

“You can’t blame yourself for his actions,” Steve argued. “Laufeyson is-”

“Too damn smart and fixated to let me or S.H.I.E.L.D. get in his way,” Bucky interrupted, something angry and upset hidden deep in his voice. “And I should have known better.”

“No,” Steve argued. “You wanted to give your friend a chance. You did the right thing. You don’t even know if this is _why_ Laufeyson kidnapped him.”

“Yeah, well it’s a pretty good guess.”

“Then use it against him,” Steve argued. “We always complain we don’t know what or how or _why_ with Laueyson. If we’ve got one,” Steve insisted, “we can get the other two.”

“And what happens if we can’t find him, Steve? What happens if Laufeyson gets _bored_ , what if-”

Bucky’s words were getting desperate; his eyes haunted by the memories of too many crime scenes now overlaid with his friend’s prone form - so Steve leant down and pulled Bucky into a soft kiss. Bucky didn’t even fight it; he just clung to Steve and let his mind switch off for a few moments.

Steve knew his lover; he knew that alcohol or sex were his vices when he wanted to forget. He went to Tony for the former and wanted to be pinned and forced to avoid everything during the latter. They both had their coping mechanisms, and while he knew Bucky didn’t want to lose himself in sex _now_ , Steve could at least silence that train of thought temporarily.

When he pulled back, he barely gave Bucky a second to refocus before he firmly told him, “We’re going to find him, Bucky.” He stroked a thumb across Bucky’s stubble. “You know as well as I do that Tony’s made more friends at S.H.I.E.L.D. then even he thinks. None of us want anything to happen to him; _all_ of us are dedicated to getting him back.”

Steve had seen firsthand how much the news of his _second_ kidnap had affected the office. The first time, everyone had been shocked and then grim. Without a trace to go on, time running out, and the Maximoff murders hanging over their heads, everyone had been throwing their expertise into trying to find Tony. Even Fury had been rattling cages, calling other agencies and stalking around everyone’s desk demanding information and outcomes.

When it had come out _who_ had saved and him and _how close_ it had came... there had been whispers. Steve had shut the few up he’d heard, the ones that alluded Tony must be on Laufeyson’s payroll, and he knew that Natasha had ripped through even more. The rumours had died down once Tony was back, as if they couldn’t keep believing them when the scientist was around and _solving crimes_.

It had calmed down; _everyone_ had calmed down, happy to have him back and safe.

And then Laufeyson had taken Tony.

S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn’t been called to the parking lot initially, not until someone had found spilled groceries and discarded belongings. A plate check had been run on Tony’s car to confirm and then they’d contacted Fury. The decision had quickly been made to put Steve’s unit in charge of the investigation, and Steve had been torn on how to feel about that. It meant he was in a position to do the best he could to recover Tony, and it meant he had faith in the team that would be searching.

But it had also stood to reason that if someone was going to find Tony Stark’s body, it would be him.

There had been a good few hours where they hadn’t known who’d been responsible, but when Bucky had handed the information he’d been collecting over to Fury, Odinson had been pulled in and their investigation, while still looking at other leads, had been more specifically targeted.

Every new phone call filled Steve with dread; every visit to forensics was painful in its complete _absence_ of Tony. The morgue was filled with tension as Dr Banner and Miss Lewis held their breath as every new body was brought in, and for all that Steve had a duty to S.H.I.E.L.D and to his team, he couldn’t stop the way his mind kept returning to Bucky.

Bucky was holding onto his anger at Laufeyson, for now, but Steve could see the shaking edges that warned of just how destructive he would become if something happened to Tony.

Steve had already tried to calm him with the contrite phrases that wanted to be promises but only came out as hopes. It didn’t stop him from saying them, _meaning_ them and hoping they’d stem the tide of Bucky’s fears.

“Bucky,” Steve told his lover softly, “you know Tony better than anyone. Do you think he’d let Laufeyson hurt or get tired of him?” Bucky went to reply, but Steve persisted, “He’s kept him interested this long and he probably has some idea of what he’s doing. Laufeyson doesn’t seem to have a curiosity for anyone besides him. He might be using Tony, I’m not going to deny that, but Tony’s too smart to be used _and_ abused. We need to get him back, and we’re _going to_ , but for now, we need to have faith in Tony’s ability to keep himself alive.”

Bucky huffed out a breath and pulled back from Steve just enough to run a hand over his face. Steve moved his hands to lightly hold Bucky’s hips. He slipped his thumbs under Bucky’s shirt, rubbing his thumbs in soothing circles against Bucky’s skin. He felt some of the tension ease from his lover at the feeling.

“He’s my best friend, Steve,” Bucky admitted, sounding exhausted. “And the last thing I did was yell at him. Fuck, I told him we _weren’t_ friends anymore.”

“And I told him you were.”

Bucky frowned. “What? When did _you_ talk to him?”

“The day before he was taken,” Steve admitted, shrugging in the face of Bucky’s scowl. “You were being a right jerk to everyone. I figured you’d had a fight and went there to tell him that no matter what you had said that you were still friends.”

Steve had _also_ gone there to see just what had happened. He hadn’t expected he’d find out anything new; Tony still didn’t have a lot of respect for him and Steve wasn’t about to push the issue and cause more problems between Tony and Bucky than they already had. He’d _hoped_ to find Tony irritated about Bucky losing his temper, but altogether unconcerned about their argument.

Instead he’d found Tony looking worn thin.

While Steve could now account for some of that being related to stress and fear about his position at S.H.I.E.L.D, he could also see how a lot of it had centred around his and Bucky’s last conversation. Tony had been despondent. He’d been sure their friendship was in ribbons.

But Steve knew that hearing that wouldn’t help his lover, so he kept silent. He told Bucky exactly what he’d told Tony at the time.

“Neither of you are the kind to give up on a friendship, and you _both know that_.”

Bucky’s eyes were pools of unhappiness and self-hatred, his voice coming out small and lost, “I don’t know if he does, Steve.”

“ _Bucky_ ,” Steve squeezed his hips and told him firmly. “Tony is a smartass, and I think he’d be damn offended if he heard you spouting that crap.”

His lover laughed and the storm clouds in his eyes parted enough to show the brightness of returning confidence, of relief - of Steve’s words actually _getting through_ to him. “Yeah,” he ran a hand through his hair, “yeah, he would.”

“So give him the trust he deserves.” Steve pulled him close and into a hug, feeling Bucky’s arms wrap around him and his fingers dig into Steve’s back. “We still need him as best man, remember.”

He could hear the smile in Bucky’s voice. “I’m not sure if I want him giving us a toast.”

Steve snorted. “I’m not sure if I want him looking after the rings. He’ll probably put tracers inside them.”

“Him and his bugs,” Bucky murmured fondly before he sighed and pulled away. He rubbed a hand over his face, wiping away his emotions as if they’d never been, “Right, okay. How are-”

Bucky stopped when they heard a phone ringing. They both automatically went to their cells, but it was Bucky who was getting the call. They both frowned, but when Bucky checked the ID he winced deeply. “What?”

But Bucky didn’t answer Steve directly; he accepted the call and put the phone to his ear. “Hello, Mr Stark.”

Steve grimaced along with Bucky at hearing the sharp and demanding tone and the questions that flew out of the phone which Bucky dutifully answered. Steve watched his lover carefully, making sure he didn’t need to intervene. It turned out he didn’t get the chance as Bucky was soon forced to admit, “No, I’m not the-” he halted. “Steve Rogers.” Another pause and there was slight warmth to his cheeks. “Ah. Right.” His eyes flicked to Steve’s. “Mr Stark, I don’t-” he sighed and held out the phone. “Tony’s father wants to talk to you.”

His eyebrows rising, Steve took the phone and pressed it to his ear. “Mr Stark?”

“Agent Rogers,” Howard Stark greeted. “James tells me you’re in charge.” ‘ _James?_ ’ Steve mouthed and received an irritated glare, but any humour was lost as Mr Stark continued, fear slipping into his voice. “What’s happened to my son?”

Steve closed his eyes, feeling the weight of every conversation he’d ever had with a victim’s family member. “At this point we believe-”

“My son is not the only one who can hack your files, Agent. I know your reports; I am asking _you_.” Mr Stark’s voice was a whip, and Steve found himself straightening on instinct. “James is my son’s friend; I will not be having this conversation with him,” Steve could hear him swallow, “but Tony respects you as an investigator, now tell me:” the emotion in his voice got thicker, harder to hide, “do you think my son’s alive?”

Steve swallowed and looked at the wall. “Yes,” he answered Mr Stark honestly, “I don’t think he’s in a great situation, but I don’t think he’s in danger.” _For now._

Mr Stark let out a long breath but still took a few moments to respond. “SI is at your disposal if either of you need it. I expect twenty-four hour reports from at least one of you and _by phone_.”

“Sir-”

“And the second you get him back, you will _put him on the phone with me_.”

“Mr Star-”

“I will talk with Nicholas; make him aware of our arrangement.” _Nicholas J Fury_ , Steve thought a little numbly, still reeling from the barrage of orders while Bucky seemed vaguely amused. He was probably well used to being on the other end of Howard Stark’s demands after the abduction by Ultron. “I expect a phone call tomorrow,” Mr Stark informed him.

Steve just sighed. “Yes, Sir.”

“And Agent Rogers,” and he could hear it crack, somewhere between one breath and the next; all of Howard Stark’s ruthless commands and weight throwing was gone and in its place was a worried man barely containing his emotions - a father who just wanted his son back. “Bring Tony back safely.”

It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t an order either. It was a desperate request, the only thing he could appeal for when he was a scientist and a realist like his son. They all knew that getting Tony back alive wasn’t as simple as wishing it.

Steve still nodded, holding Bucky’s eyes and promising his lover as much as Tony’s father.

“Safely is the only way I plan to get him back.”

And one way or another, for the sake of everyone who cared deeply about Tony Stark, Steve was going to make that a reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. How many people got a bunch of Bucky/Howard feels in this chapter? I hope the answer is most of you ;P
> 
> Now, there's only one more chapter left of the "accompaniment" pieces (wow, that went fast!) and then we're in ~sequel territory. I hope you enjoyed this and will enjoy next week's installment as well. It deals predominantly with chapter 18... but some other chapters fit in there too ;)


	6. Chapter 18 Accompaniment: Loki’s reaction to the ‘Morning After’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki shouldn't have done it and he'd known that from the start. But he'd ignored the warning. He'd wanted it so much and Anthony had been so pliant, so _indulging_. Far too indulging. And now his hands were shaking and he couldn't stop the regret that was rising up to crush him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with [chapter 18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/16543516). I hope you're not sick of sad Loki feels, because, well, this chapter isn't short on them!

Loki felt sick.

He walked away from the room as quickly as possible, his hands trembling as he tried to shut his mind off from what had just happened. He tried to stop thinking about what he’d just done, what he’d let himself do.

He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have let it occur. But he’d woken up and Anthony had been in his arms asleep, beautiful, aroused, and _his_ \- for a moment, he’d been _Loki’s_.

It had been too much to deny. It had been such a large part of his fantasies, and he’d known, deep in his heart, that it was his last chance to ever have Anthony so close. He’d barely had the sense to ask, ‘ _let me_ ’ and hadn’t even waited for an answer. He’d simply taken, knowing that Anthony wasn’t awake enough to resist, wasn’t awake enough to _deny_ the pleasure that was offered to him.

Loki hadn’t expected Anthony to touch him back.

 _But of course he did_ , his mind hissed, because even in his baser fantasies, he’d known that Anthony wouldn’t leave someone unfulfilled. Anthony was too good, too _indulging_ , and he’d always known how Loki had felt even if he pretended he didn’t.

Loki let out a shaking breath as he reached the spare bathroom and shut the door behind him. He leant against it and gritted his teeth; his eyes squeezed shut as his nails curled into the wood. He felt like he would hardly be standing without the support behind him. He could still see Anthony underneath him; his hitched breathes and his pleasured features as he lost himself to _Loki_.

The way he’d sounded, the way he’d _tasted_. It almost made Loki moan again, but God, how could he? He’d _forced_ it on Anthony. He’d put Anthony in a position where he wouldn’t deny it. Anthony had been without the touch of a lover for months. Anthony was _attracted_ to men. Loki had been a convenient relief of tension. He’d been nothing to Anthony - nothing. But even worse than that; he’d broken the rules. 

Loki swallowed and felt a whole new wave of self-hatred. He’d promised them that he would never take something Anthony didn’t want, and Anthony had _never_ wanted that. 

Anthony wouldn’t even accept a _kiss_ , and he’d tried - oh, how he’d tried. Yet Anthony had rebuffed him each time, had looked _panicked_ each time. He had barely even allowed him a _hug_. So Loki had known he was destined to never have that touch, but then Anthony had been generous; Anthony had given Loki more than he’d expected or hoped for - more than he _deserved_ by letting them share a bed, not once but _twice_.

And how did he repay Anthony?

Loki took from him: kisses and touches and _forced arousal_.

It made something deep inside him flinch and Loki’s face crumpled, his shoulders slumping against the door. _I would never have hurt you_ , he whispered silently, brokenly, wishing to say it to Anthony’s face, but knowing he would never dare. _You could have said no. I love you. I want you. Please just let me have... more._

Because he wasn’t satisfied; he wanted - gods, he wanted to be _back in bed with Anthony_. He wanted to be curled up around his _lover_ after having shared kisses and laughter and a beautiful morning pleasuring each other. He wanted to spend hours preparing Anthony only to slide into him. He wanted to whisper words of beauty, love, and adoration against his skin and have Anthony say them _back_.

He wanted to walk back into that bedroom and tell him, _I’m sorry. I love you_ and _what would it take for you to stay?_ But Loki couldn’t even summon up a response that gave him anything other than heartbreak; he knew better than to fabricate an implausible lie. Anthony didn’t want him and probably wanted him even less after Loki had forced his touch on Anthony.

 _Come on, Loki_ , he could hear Anthony saying and just the memory made his pulse race and his throat go dry. _Come for your Käresta._

Your beloved, come for _your beloved._

Anthony hadn’t even known what he was saying, was just trying to humour him, but it _hurt_. It was the sweetest mix of something that still came out sour. He’d had Anthony, and it hadn’t been enough - it never would. He’d tarnished their last few hours together, and despite his sea of regrets, Loki still had a sliver of bitter satisfaction. He had a memory to cling to - a memory to draw upon when he only wanted to hurt himself.

_I will never be able to sleep in that bed again._

But he knew he would. He knew he wouldn’t be able to change the sheets until the last scent of Anthony was gone. He was going to lie in that bed and let himself fracture over and over again as he remembered what it was like to _pretend_. What it was like to have Anthony pressed against his chest, a warm weight that was wrapped tight in his arms - protected, cherished, _adored_.

He hadn’t even cared that it was limited. He’d known from the start that Anthony was never going to want to stay. But he’d chosen to share the bed with Loki, surely that meant something? Surely it _could_ have meant something?

_Until you ruined it._

He closed his eyes and barely kept the pained sound from slipping free because he _had_ done that; ruined it, ruined whatever was left for them to share. Instead of begging for a sexual touch, he could have begged Anthony to stay in his arms for a few hours. He could have held on, and they could have shared a breakfast together. He could have brought Anthony breakfast and eyed him as he lay sprawled and content in _Loki’s bed_ , in _their_ bed, at least for one day.

He could have pressed for much simpler pleasures: _let me feed you this fruit, let me stroke your hair, let me kiss you, let me, **please let me**._

Anthony has been indulging him so much in their last days. Letting them hug, letting him touch. He could have kissed Anthony’s cheek again; he could have _requested_ a kiss and been able to share a soft one in bed on a lazy morning. He might have... Loki licked his lips and swallowed. He might have been able to tempt Anthony into _spending_ the morning with him.

Because he knew himself; he knew his rotten desperation for Anthony. He would have taken the morning in any way Anthony would have given him and if he... if he had allowed Loki all of his requests, he would have made another - the _same_ request he asked Anthony’s half-awake form this morning.

_Let me have you once. In any way you’ll let me. A hand, a mouth, our bodies. What would you let me do? What would it take?_

He opened his eyes and pushed away from the door, but it didn’t stop the next thought. _I love you. Would you let me, even if just to pity me?_

Loki clenched his fists at such a _pathetic_ thought (but truthful, horribly, bitterly truthful) before yanking the shower door open and slapping the shower on with forceful, angry motions. It didn’t stop the way his chest felt like a gaping hole. It didn’t stop the way he _knew_ , with an agonising certainty, that it would never be filled again.

He had promised Anthony: _I’ll be ready to give you up in an hour_. But it was a lie and one of the few he’d ever handed Anthony, especially so blatantly. But what more could he have said after what he'd done? _I can’t give you up. It’s going to kill me. It’s going to **break** me. Because you’re taking my heart; you’ve always **owned** my heart, and I don’t even want it back, not when it would only be you telling me it wasn’t wanted._

Loki breathed out harshly, trying to distract himself by water temperature and undressing, but it wasn’t enough. His mind still forced him back to the truth. His _penance_ for doing what he had. The weight he didn’t deserve to ignore. _He doesn’t love you back._

Loki had stepped into the heat of the shower and still felt cold. He tilted his head and closed his eyes, letting it pound down on his face but wishing for arms around his waist, _comforting_ arms that would wipe his pain away with a single touch, smile, and laugh. He wanted Anthony’s face pressed against his back, or his chest as he hugged him close. He wanted to be able to pull him in and kiss his wet hair and murmur, _thank you, Anthony, but I’m well now._

He wanted his _lover_ to press a kiss to his skin and raise his head. Loki would smile down at him, and Anthony’s eyes would darken, grow wicked. _I know how to make you feel better, Lokes._

Anthony would move to slide down and-

“Fuck!” Loki hissed, turning abruptly and slamming his fist against the shower tiles. He clenched his eyes shut and pressed his forehead to the tile, his palm going flat against the wall as he hated himself. His fucking _body_ was too used to thoughts of Anthony in the shower. Thoughts he _tried_ , tried _so hard_ to never give in to. But he’d been weak, far too weak in the past and before they were living together, and he... had.

He’d stopped, cut off all thoughts of physical desire for Anthony when they were in the same house. But now he... now he _knew_ what Anthony looked like. He didn’t know it all, didn’t know how he acted when it was mutual, when he was teasing, when he wanted to be in control or have _Loki_ in control.

Loki didn’t know enough, didn’t know _anything_ , and he didn’t have the right to either.

He was never going to know. He swallowed thickly, but he knew it was the truth and he _made_ himself admit it.

“He’s never going to be mine,” he whispered against the tiles, feeling his heart spasm and his chest tighten. “He’s going to leave and he's never going to want me. I’ll _never_ have him like that - never have him again. He’s not yours, _never going to be yours_.” Loki turned up the hot water blindly, but it didn’t do anything to stop the coldness to his limbs or the shaking in his hands. “He doesn’t love you- _me_ ,” he hissed, “he doesn’t love _me_ , and he never will. He’s not - you’re not.” 

Loki swallowed and opened his eyes, staring at the blurred tiles in front of him and imagining Anthony. Imagining him awkward and uncomfortable and hurrying out of the bed to shower, to _wash Loki’s touch away_ and forget it ever happened. Forget he just took and gave pleasure to a _criminal_. Forget that he might have felt something for Loki, and remember all the reasons why he shouldn’t.

All the proof that Loki was just one more liar who would break any rule to get what he wanted.

Loki’s eyes dropped, and he stared at the floor. His body still bent forward and his shoulders feeling weighed down, his body feeling worn thin as he told himself another, final truth. “He’s going to fall in love some day,” his stomach actually clenched violently at the mere thought but he kept on, “he’s going to marry some day, and it’s _never_ going to be you.”

_Anthony doesn’t love you._

“ _Anthony doesn’t love you_ ,” he forced himself to say out loud, trying to make himself accept it.

Because belief? Oh, he had that; Loki knew there wasn’t any other option, and he’d been telling himself it from the beginning. It had been almost _easy_ not to push too hard at the start when he knew Anthony could barely stand him. But to accept that Anthony never would _ever?_ That had been and still was harder to swallow, especially when hope seemed to be the only thing keeping him standing.

Hope and grief and guilt.

“Anthony doesn’t love you,” he said quieter, barely hearing his own voice it was so hollowed.

He closed his eyes again and let out a shaking sigh. When he tilted his head up under the spray this time, it was for an entirely different reason and was to hide the signs of his heartbreak, even if only from himself.

* * *

Loki gave him up. It ripped him apart, but he did it. He had almost buckled when Anthony let them kiss, when Anthony let their tongues dance and flicked his own with such _intent_. He’d almost broken down and begged, _stay, stay with me, please, don’t leave. I’ll do anything just... **stay**._

But he hadn’t; he’d known it wouldn’t have been enough. He’d even, for one desperate moment, considered offering himself to the mercy of Anthony’s organisation. Making some kind of _deal_ to be with Anthony, but he knew it wouldn’t work. He knew that it would corrupt Anthony’s position and he would never be fully trusted, that Anthony would be undermined, and that Anthony might not even accept him if Loki _did_ offer himself in such a way.

Anthony, for all he knew, could be breathing a sigh of relief at being free. Anthony might have been _rejoicing_ at escaping their strange, tangled relationship. He might already be enjoying the touch of women - but, no, it only made Loki’s chest flare with a sharper spike of hurt to think that, so he didn’t dwell on it often.

The constant, dull ache in his chest was painful enough.

He wasn’t even sure if the mementos he kept were helping or hindering his heart. The cuff links, at least they... they made him smile. Bitterly and with far too much sorrow, but he still liked remembering the time in the safehouse with Anthony - inventing and arguing and cooking. He liked rubbing them, reminding himself that regardless of whether or not Anthony was with him, Anthony was _safe_ and that made things... bearable.

Loki hadn’t really cooked during their time apart, found it hard to bring himself to. He couldn’t go near the recipe books without thinking of the one he’d given Anthony, of the letter he’d penned and whether Anthony still kept it. Had it been tossed? Burned to avoid all evidence and to make him forget their time together?

Loki lost his appetite more than once wondering what Anthony was doing, _how_ he was choosing to forget Loki. He also slept brokenly. His bed was a source of comfort and of agony when he remembered what it was like to fall asleep with Anthony. Sometimes his mind tricked him, waking him up and expecting to find Anthony there.

It had been on one of those nights that he’d made his decision to leave the country, to run as far as possible from Anthony and hope that time and distance would heal his heart. He hoped that without his crimes to adorn Anthony’s lab that he might yet be thought of fondly by the scientist. It was all Loki had left to cling to.

He’d been making the arrangements quietly and with some small reluctance. His heart had always leapt when his phone alighted with a message or an email, only to sink and sting him with every realisation that it _wasn’t_ from Anthony. He’d changed the ringtone in the end - specifying that anything from Anthony be something separate, if only to protect his heart. (Because he couldn’t delete the number or the address, couldn’t bring himself to - not when Anthony might need his help. He would _always_ drop everything and run to the other man if Anthony only asked him to.)

Loki hadn’t expected to ever hear that particular noise; he had even stopped feeling disappointment when the standard alert chimed. He knew he’d seen the last of the scientist; it had been _months_ with no contact. He knew the connection between them was over and that it was for the best. He was almost grateful, in a twisted way that it hadn’t happened. He’d spent a long, late night weeks ago considering it when he’d been unable to sleep.

He'd sat up wondering what he would do if Anthony _did_ call him and he’d resigned himself to admitting that seeing Anthony one more time would make any pain at losing him again worth suffering through. He’d also guiltily admitted that with nothing left to lose, he’d steal from the scientist again: a kiss, a touch, a moment wrapped in his arms. What else could possibly be worse than where he was now?

Loki sighed and rubbed fingers over his face, having been lost to his thoughts again. He’d been in his office, _trying_ to do some work, but inevitably, his mind drifted to the only thing he wanted to think about: _Anthony_.

He was contemplating going for a drive or a walk but knew that while the scenery might change, his thoughts would stay the same. He was about to sigh once more when a chime sounded from his phone that made him go tense. His breathing also caught and held in his chest as his eyes flicked to the draw he kept the device in. _He cannot have..._

Loki was reaching for the phone before he could stop himself, before he had any _sense_ to guard his mind and heart from what might be inside.

 _Lokes, I need you to meet me_ , Anthony had typed. _Meet me here at 2 a.m_. He’d followed the request by a location that Loki quickly recognised.

He swallowed thickly and stared for a long moment. _It’s probably a trap_ , his mind told him flatly, and his mouth twitched into a self-deprecating smile in response, _I know._

Loki still began to respond - the words flowing out and meaning more than he’d probably ever say; _As you wish._

Because it was true; whatever Anthony wanted, if it was in his power (and even if it wasn’t) Loki would provide it. He would do anything to make Anthony happy, to make him _smile_.

He loved Anthony, and that meant he would walk into whatever Anthony had planned, knowing it could be the end of his freedom and the start of a life in prison, but it didn’t really matter in the end.

Loki would be able to see Anthony one last time, and what else did he really deserve to ask for, or to get?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *winces* Sorry, sorry, sorry!
> 
> Loki is... very emotionally destructive in this chapter. Bleeding self-deprecation and depression all over the place. But, well, the love of his life is leaving after he 'fucked up' here. The poor guy is feeling horrific.
> 
> BUT! _BUT_ the next chapter is set _directly after Fractals_. It's the moments when he has Tony in his arms and confessing back. Hopefully the promise of that will keep me free of too much damage? Heh. Thanks for reading!


	7. Post Fractals Accompaniment 1: Loki and Tony on the bridge - Pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Against all the odds and despite all his certainties against it, Loki had somehow managed to win Anthony's affections. He didn't know how it had happened, hadn't dared dream it was a possibility - but somehow, Anthony had fallen for him too. Loki was still reeling from the shock of it even while clinging tight to the happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is!! The first of the sequel pieces! I think it's very fitting that this is posted today of all days. It is the yearly anniversary of my first ever posted work as STARSdidathing! (Well, for me it is, heh.) What a trip this has been! So much Frostiron writing, all the oneshots and small fics, a completed story and two WIP chapter fics. It's been so much fun and will hopefully continue to be!
> 
> Buuuut, I won't ramble too much. I'm just excited. So thank you for all your reading and commenting and, _now_ let's get into that sequel! I'm sure we all remember what happened in [chapter 22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6106387/chapters/17167411)? Well this is set directly after it!

Loki could hardly believe it had happened: _I love you too_. Anthony had confessed, Anthony had _meant it_ , and was here in his arms - _loving him back_. His chest felt like it was about to break open from the happiness contained inside it.

He pressed a fierce kiss to Anthony’s hair, feeling such _relief_ at the action. He outright _relished_ the feel of it, knowing he could do it without fear of rejection - knowing that he could kiss the man held against him any time he wished and know his feelings were _mutual_.

 _Well_ , and that dampened his joy slightly, _not **any** time._

Anthony was not his yet, not entirely. Anthony was still a loyal employee of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Loki was still one of their greatest enemies.

_Never mind that now._

Loki reached for and tilted up Anthony's chin, catching his lips in a soft kiss that made his body uncurl from its tension, especially when Anthony automatically responded. They kissed languidly for a few minutes, just enjoying the ease of the action and the knowledge that they _could_ before Anthony pulled them apart.

He smiled at Loki, his hands pressed against the bare skin of Loki’s sides, having burrowed back under his jacket and shirt. It left part of Loki’s body open to the chilled air, but he didn’t care when it meant Anthony’s hands were warm and that his thumbs were stroking Loki’s skin absently.

Loki just kept staring at that relaxed, _happy_ face. The chill had reddened his cheeks and nose, and with snowflakes beginning to fall, Loki could just imagine them dusting Anthony’s beautiful hair. He could imagine ruffling those strands to loosen them before pulling Anthony closer, rubbing hands over his arm and back to warm him. Hearing Anthony laugh and indulge him, indulge his _care_ rather than his _affection_ and _feelings_.

“I like that,” Anthony announced suddenly, his cheeks only seeming to darken at Loki’s puzzled frown.

“What?”

Anthony’s eyes darted around a little, showing he was self-conscious, but he still admitted: “I like when you look at me like that.” He caught Loki’s eyes. “Like I’m making you happy,” he smiled, “like I’m _yours_.”

“You are,” Loki answered, meaning both but not wanting to say _mine_ \- not when it still felt fragile in his hands.

“I know,” Anthony answered softly, “And I like it. I like knowing ‘ _I’m Loki’s_ ’.”

Loki’s breath caught, and his pulse spiked, arousal and pure delight rushing through him. He didn’t know if Anthony had said it deliberately and just to make him react; he didn’t truly care. The feeling was blissful, tailored words or not. He kissed Anthony, quick and firm - a branding kiss, a fraction of his possessive pleasure at hearing that said by the scientist.

When they broke apart this time, it wasn’t for long. While Anthony didn’t move his hands, he did tug Loki’s body closer, angling his chin in a way that requested another kiss. Loki would never deny that. He kissed him again, soft and slow, both of their mouths curling into smiles one after the other at the feeling.

It was the sound of a car horn blaring that drove them apart this time. It also brought Loki back to reality. He scanned the area, feeling confident his driver would have informed him if he noticed anything awry. While he hadn’t relished the idea of Anthony betraying him, he’d known it was a possibility. He hadn’t intended to run, just to... watch Anthony, to see if he could catch regret or apology in his eyes as he was caught.

His driver would inform anyone else he needed: lawyers, business associates. He was a trusted man, and that was why Loki hadn’t minded bringing him to this meeting spot. Regardless of the outcome, he knew his driver wouldn’t talk, and that was all Loki had needed.

But now, _now_ things were entirely different. There was an outcome he hadn’t ever dared dream of, because Anthony had picked the spot for their meeting well; it was defended, but not too isolated should they need to flee and get lost in a crowd. Anthony had planned to _protect him_ , and Loki smiled at the thought. He also turned his gaze back to the other man while stroking his cheek softly.

It was unfortunate that the noise had also made Anthony aware of their open, _public_ displays of affection. Loki could see it in the sadness taking over his eyes and the dimming of his smile. Loki _hated_ seeing that expression on his face.

“What now?” Anthony asked, and Loki closed his eyes for a moment, frustrated to know reality had snuck back around them.

“Ideally,” Loki answered truthfully, even while being well aware that it wasn’t a possibility - but he could imagine, he could _always_ imagine, “I would bring you back to my home, hold you close and wake up tomorrow knowing this wasn’t one more heartbreaking dream.”

“ _Loki_ ,” Anthony whispered, his arms moving to wrap around his lower back in a hug, drawing them closer until their chests touched. Guilt was prevalent in his voice, but Loki wasn’t going to have that.

He caught Anthony’s eyes and interrupted him. “That’s no one’s fault but my own. Anthony, truly, I was as responsible for your leaving as you were.”

“Loki, that’s-”

“I _shouldn’t_ have done what I did,” Loki insisted. His eyes falling and taking in Anthony’s form; it was so easy to remember all his hitched breathes and arching movements - and for the first time since they’d shared that morning, it didn’t hurt him so much to recall. “For all I knew, you didn’t want me, not physically or romantically, and I... took advantage of you.”

“Loki, no, no, hey-” Anthony’s hands moved from around him to cup his neck before sliding to his cheeks. Anthony’s eyes and words were earnest. “I was struggling to not give into you before, and after that too – but I meant what I said, I _didn’t_ regret that morning. I still don’t, I didn’t when we were apart. I...” and Anthony trailed off, but he also smirked and he admitted, soft and teasing, “Did you know, I used that memory of you _a lot_ after we were separated?” Loki blinked, and Anthony’s amusement only seemed to grow. “I woke up, hmm, let’s say, _missing you_ , more than a few times, and even though it hurt,” and his smiled faded slightly there, “I still didn’t stop. I imagined you touching me, kissing me, _coming for me_ , and had to bite my hand a few times to keep the building from hearing a _hell_ of a wail of your name.”

“You did?” Loki’s voice had deepened; he couldn’t help it. His skin also heated up as his stomach pooled with arousal, and his chest with disbelieving affection at the picture being painted.

Anthony’s smile sharpened, growing more mischievous and wicked. His hands slid sinuously back down to Loki’s neck. “ _Oh_ , yeah. I mean, at the time, I was trying _not_ to think about you, but...” his eyes dropped like Loki’s had, he even took a small step back so he could _see everything_ that Loki had to offer. His eyes came back, and his tongue came out to flick his lower lip. Loki’s eyes fastened on it. “But now I’ve got _all kinds_ of ideas for us to play with.”

Loki groaned, half in pain, half in desire. His head tipped back slightly so he was looking at the sky and not the _tempting_ man in front of him.

“Lo-”

“Please stop,” Loki told him hurriedly, turning his gaze back to the other, even while his hands moved, delighting in the way he could run his hands over Anthony’s chest without asking for permission, without expecting to be denied. His touches weren’t overly salacious; he was just mapping the other’s muscles, fixing his collar, _familiarising_ himself with the scientist’s form. His hands eventually ended on Anthony’s hips, and he was a little calmer by that time - mostly by making his mind _not_ go down the paths Anthony was illuminating. “Please don’t tempt me right now, Anthony. I’m going to have to go home without you.” Something that he hated the very idea of - his body was already begging him to wrap Anthony in his arms and refuse to ever let him go. “I would rather not spend another night alone in my bed, thinking of you and feeling wholly unsatisfied.”

Anthony’s face had lost its tease and had slid back into something sad. He pulled Loki down for a gentle kiss that soon turned deeper; the two of them pouring in their emotions and their unwillingness to be separated while Loki’s arms came around Anthony’s back, drawing him in closer.

When they pulled apart and gasped, their breath was visible in the air. The night was only getting colder, and Loki knew with a pain in his chest that they couldn’t stay out here much longer. They couldn’t keep trading kisses in the snow and putting off the return to the lives that were desperate to keep them apart.

Anthony still seemed willing to tempt it, even if his voice gave away his knowledge that it was futile. “Do you have somewhere we can go? Fuck, a cheap motel. Somewhere we can just spend the night with each other. It doesn’t have to be more, just... just you and me together for a bit.”

Loki wanted it. He wanted it so much he _ached_. But...

“You know as well as I do,” he quietly replied, “that we can’t risk them finding out about us. They might not be able to stop us, but they _can_ watch us. They can make any escape we attempt impossible to mount. They despise me, and Thor especially will stop at nothing until he sees my downfall.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Anthony, darling, they will claim you have Stockholm Syndrome and decimate all arguments to the contrary.” He smiled slightly. “I have waited for you this long; I will not mind waiting longer if I know it will gain me you.”

Anthony sighed as if all the fight had gone out of him. “You make it really hard to be indignant and impatient when you do _that_.”

“Oh,” Loki laughed, “I will hardly relish the experience, and I will grow short with anyone around me who is not you. But I know the benefit of a long term plan. I know,” he stroked Anthony’s cheek, an action he simply couldn’t get enough of, “when the prize makes any challenge and torment worthwhile.”

“What if I make it _further_ worthwhile?" Anthony suggested, but Loki could already see him fighting shivers. He wasn't wearing something warm enough for the dropping temperature.

Loki just smiled and kissed his temple. "You already have, and you will continue to do so. Just thinking of you will be enough to keep me inspired to wait. But," and he pulled back, "the last thing either of us need is to be caught out here. The last thing _I_ need is to find out keeping you out here has made you unwell.”

“But-”

“No,” Loki insisted, but he was smiling slightly, amused by Anthony’s mulish scowl, and only just keeping himself from kissing it away. “We need to part. I will send you details of where to get a phone that will be untraceable and will allow us to communicate when we are at our homes and _only_ at our homes. We will plan our means of being together, and we will have it.” Loki caught Anthony’s chin and kissed him, the urge too strong. “It will just take time, my _Käresta_.”

Anthony let out a heavy, rough sigh. “Fuck. I know. It doesn’t mean I _like_ it.”

“Neither do I,” Loki replied, taking in a breath and forcing it out. He then stepped away from the other man, dropping all his touches but one, the hand still curled around Anthony’s chin. Loki’s mouth was held in a small grin, even with the sorrow of parting before him. It helped that he knew what the future held and that it would be worth any amount of pain in the present. “But we will speak again, we will _see_ each other again, and when we’re done, we will _be_ together.”

“Yeah, yeah, a small price to pay.” Anthony let out a defeated breath, and Loki let his hand slip free. He was dropping it back to his side when Anthony caught it. He linked their fingers, and Loki glanced down at it before back at the other with confusion. Anthony shrugged. “My car's parked in the same direction as yours. Who says we can’t walk back together? Who says we can’t do,” he held their hands up in the air between them, “ _this_.”

Loki certainly couldn’t as he pulled Anthony forward. He let go only long enough to take his fingers again but with his other hand so that he could wrap his arm around Anthony’s shoulders, pressing their bodies together as they began to walk back. Loki didn’t care if it made their steps awkward until they developed a rhythm; it had Anthony pressed against him and allowed him to rest his head against the others. It could almost feel like they’d spent a night out together and were walking home.

Loki liked to imagine that rather than the alternative.

“Hey,” Anthony suddenly asked. "You never told me what that means?"

"Hmm?" Loki questioned.

"You know, that other one, _Käresta_. What _are_ you calling me?”

“Oh,” and even now, even when Anthony knew the depth of his feelings and _returned_ them, Loki still felt nervous admitting it. He’d spent so long trying to hide it, whispering his feelings in foreign languages with the knowledge he’d never be found out - with the hope Anthony _might_ just understand, and surprise him by reciprocating them. “Beloved,” he answered. “It means beloved.”

Anthony turned his head, just enough to flash Loki a smile. “I think I need to work on a word for you now.”

“'Lokes' is more than fine,” Loki hurriedly interjected, not wanting to have a name created through competition or obligation. “I like your words having _truth_ and spontaneity. A word of your _choice_ , not one you manufactured-”

Anthony, using his free hand reached up and pinched Loki’s arm until he fell silent and stopped rambling.

“God, stop freakin’ out, sweetheart-” Anthony abruptly stopped, barely finishing the word as surprise clouded his face. Loki himself actually stumbled, unable to keep his eyes off the other as Anthony went through a rapid series of emotions before ending on a blinding smile. “Yeah, okay. It’s not as fancy, but you wanted _truthful_ , right? Guess you got it, sweetheart.” His expression stalled slightly before he continued, “I mean, if you don’t want-”

“I do!” Loki hurried to interject, ducking and curving his head to kiss Anthony chastely. “Of course I do, you fool.”

“Great!” Anthony cheerfully stated before burrowing himself closer to Loki, probably to gain warmth, but Loki liked to think it was also to simply be _nearer_ to him as well.

The rest of the walk back was spent in a soft silence, both of them enjoying the feel of the other pressed against them, even as each step brought them closer to the secluded area where Loki’s driver had parked the car. When it came into view, it only took Loki a moment to see his man reveal himself briefly before fading back into the shadows, giving them privacy but acknowledging his presence and watchful eyes to Loki.

Loki felt genuine gratitude and planned to repay the kindness as soon as possible, but for now, he had a goodbye he didn’t wish to give and the knowledge that he needed to.

They stopped before the back door, and Loki started to untangle himself and turn, but he barely got himself in front of Anthony before the scientist was on his tip toes and _kissing_ him. The kiss was fierce and consuming and bled out his desperation in a way that Loki couldn’t stop himself from returning. He held the man close and let himself get pressed against the side of the car as their mouths plundered one another’s.

When they finally pulled apart, it was Loki who initiated it, and only because Anthony was trembling far too much to be considered part of their kisses. He was freezing; it was impossible to deny, and Loki pressed their foreheads together while telling the other: “You must go; you are far too cold.”

Anthony laughed. “You think I can make it to my car like this? Come on, I know you have a spare key. Turn on the heat and let me sit with you for a while - just enough to keep my teeth from chattering.”

“You would hardly collapse on the way to your vehicle,” Loki tried to vainly argue, but he was already reaching for his pocket.

Anthony noticed, and he pulled back with a smile. It was somewhat ruined by his trembling form, but Loki just shook his head at the other and moved away. Anthony let him, if only to unlock the door and turn on the engine. He made sure the heat would move into the back of the car and shut the door again. He stepped back to find Anthony still waiting outside, the door was open, but he was gesturing Loki in first.

Loki was bemused by the action, but he was glad Anthony had decided on the same option as him; sitting in the back with Anthony leaning against him. Possibly with Anthony wrapped in his arms and between his legs - _hugging_ in the backseat as he peppered Anthony’s neck with kisses. Yes, it was more than worth delaying their parting for.

Moving around Anthony, he ran his hand over the other’s arm, unable to stop even the slightest touch to the other before he slipped into the car. He was barely halfway along the seat when he felt a hand on his wrist, stopping him from continuing. He turned to find Anthony already half inside, bent forward and with a knee on the cushioning.

“Anthony? What are you-”

“I want to have this.” He kissed Loki. “I want _you_ to have this. Something that tells you I’m real, and that it’s my choice. When I’m not here and you’re alone and questioning the _fuck_ out of everything.” Anthony crowded him closer. “I want you to look back at me and you and _this_ , and know those voices don’t mean shit on what I’m telling you.”

Loki felt himself melt, felt so many worries that he hadn’t even noticed forming were slipping from his skin as his mouth tipped into a smile. “Antho-”

“I want us to have something to hold onto when the next few months are going to _suck_.” He smiled, hesitant and brilliant and right in front of Loki. “What do you say?”

Loki laughed and kissed him chastely. “How could I ever say _no?_ ”

And why would he ever want to? No, Loki could see so many options in store, and he was more than willing to let Anthony be the one to direct him to them. He just had to accept him, and there wasn’t a thing in the world that would keep Loki from doing so.

He shivered, but no longer from the cold; this time it was from anticipation.

_Yes, Anthony, for you, it will always be yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else notice that little Part 1 listed on the chapter? Let's just say, some of the sequel drabbles just got too darn long and needed to be split into two chapters. _Whoops_. *sweet smile*
> 
> For what it's worth, the next chapter (pt2) will be quite a bit longer ;)


	8. Post Fractals Accompaniment 1: Loki and Tony on the bridge – Pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shivered, but no longer from the cold; this time it was from anticipation.  
>  _Yes, Anthony, for you, it will always be yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Here it is, the next sequel ficlet and a continuation of the previous one! I hope you like it ;)

His response to Anthony - _‘how could I ever say no?’_ \- made the scientist catch his mouth and press forward, his free hand coming to Loki’s side while the other shifted up to his shoulder as he angled Loki to face him while equally pushing him further inside the car. Loki was helpless to resist, kissing him back and moving where he was directed. It wasn’t long before his legs were on the backseat, and Anthony was on top of him and encouraged him to lie down. Loki didn’t hesitate to comply, and the kiss only broke when Anthony leant up and glanced behind him to shut the door, trapping the heat inside before he was looking back at Loki.

It made arousal spike through Loki’s system and warmth cascade through his chest. Anthony leant back down, and Loki curved up to meet him. It was perfect, it was wonderful, and it was only the _start_ ; there was still so much more to go, and Loki just groaned at the thought of it.

Anthony’s hips were straddling Loki’s, and he soon gently moved to almost lie down on top of Loki. Loki didn’t try to stop him and just better angled himself to allow it, his hands falling to Anthony’s hips and sliding up and under Anthony’s t-shirt when he received no resistance to the action.

He kept his hands on Anthony’s ribs, just rubbing them occasionally as Anthony’s body caged him and the other man’s tongue twisted and danced with his own. Anthony’s fingers had moved to tangle in his hair and pull slightly, arching Loki’s neck and sending a bolt of lust through Loki every time the strands were pulled. His body would even arch with pleasure; his arousal only growing at feeling the weight of the other on top of him, curved around him and _choosing_ to touch him.

One of Anthony’s hands soon slipped free, skating down their bodies and wiggling down to Loki’s stomach, sliding under his shirt and making Loki moan into the other’s mouth when Anthony scratched with his fingers. Loki’s own hands spasmed against Anthony’s side, and he lightly bit on the other’s lower lip in retaliation. Anthony just chuckled and kissed him again.

Loki, despite the chill from outside, was beginning to grow warm in his jacket and broke the kiss, sitting up just slightly to pant. “My jacket.”

Anthony shifted a little, their groins rubbing together and making a hitched moan escape Loki’s throat as he closed his eyes. He didn’t have much time to think, much less to _remember_ why they should stop this - before Anthony was shrugging off his hoodie and unbuttoning and pushing Loki’s jacket off his shoulders moments later. It pooled around his waist as he slid his arms out, but when Anthony cupped his jaw again and pulled him into a kiss, Loki forgot all about arguments or discomforts at it being beneath him and let himself be led back onto the seat.

His hands went back to Anthony’s sides, raising them and pressing his thumbs over Anthony’s chest. When he kept going high enough to flick over a nipple, he heard and _felt_ Anthony’s moan. He broke the kiss to pant, “ _Fuck_ , Loki. God, you’re amazing.”

He dived back in for another kiss that smothered Loki’s moan of pleasure. He moved his arm and wrapped it behind Anthony’s back, drawing him to lay down on top of him before burying his fingers in Anthony’s hair. He’d kept his other hand well positioned, his thumb running gentle circles over Anthony’s nipple and making the other man shiver on top of him and arch himself, their groins rubbing together with the movement and making Loki break the kiss to tip his head back and hiss.

Anthony was enjoying the kiss, Loki could feel it, but Loki was having so many of his fantasies bleed into reality that he’d long since passed half-mast and was straining against his pants. Anthony was panting, his cheeks flushed a brilliant pink, but his eyes very wide and _very_ aware of what was pressed against him.

Loki swallowed and brought him down for another, chaste kiss. “Ignore it,” Loki beseeched him. “I don’t care.”

Because he _didn’t_ , arousal could be willed away or dealt with later. _Anthony_ was limited and precious, and he wasn’t about to let anything ruin this, especially not his own all-consuming desire for the man on top of him. He pulled Anthony back into another kiss, but the scientist quickly broke away. He was eyeing him in a way Loki couldn’t quantify and found nerve-wracking because of it.

“Anth-” the word ended in a bitten off moan as Anthony rocked their hips together, making Loki arch despite himself, and hiss out a ragged breath. When Anthony had stopped and Loki was laying back down he caught a gleam in Anthony’s eye that worried him greatly. “Anthony-”

He stopped himself from continuing when Anthony’s smile went wide and mischievous, and he pulled away from Loki. He didn’t go far, didn’t give Loki any time to complain or feel concern before he was _making his way down Loki’s body_.

The image itself was enough to send Loki’s heart into overdrive and make his cock twitch; he pushed up, couldn’t stop himself as Anthony paused with his head _right above Loki’s pants_. Loki was having trouble breathing, having trouble _swallowing_. He couldn’t even breathe out the question, ‘ _what are you doing?_ ’ in case he was proven wrong.

When Anthony started unbuckling his pants, he started to tremble. Anthony noticed it, but he only paused for a moment, to check the expression on Loki’s face before his smirk doubled in size and he sped up his movements until Loki’s belt lay undone and his pants unzipped. The bulge was more than obvious but neither of them were staring at it, they were both looking at each other. Anthony’s eyes were burning into his, lust and affection and delight – Loki didn’t know what his own were saying, was slightly worried to imagine it either way. When Anthony grabbed his pants and finally did look down at his erection, Loki finally gave in and let himself collapse flat onto his back.

He was staring at the ceiling when his pants were pulled down past his arousal. His stomach was in knots, and he didn’t even know what he wanted to do; look at Anthony or shut his eyes. He wasn’t touched though, but he did hear movement. The next thing he knew Anthony’s face was in front of his; worried and beautiful.

“Hey,” he ducked in and kissed Loki, soft and loving. “Hey, you okay, up here?”

Loki let out a chuckle that sounded hoarse to his own ears. “Just having my fantasies come true,” he answered, his joke falling flat with too much honesty and nervous, aroused tension, “do not mind me.”

Anthony kissed him again, slow and long until Loki responded back, and his stiff muscles finally loosened. His hands lost their trembles, and he cupped Anthony’s face. When they broke apart, Loki sighed into the space between their mouths and stroked his thumbs across Anthony’s cheekbones. He was lost in the moment, everything on the edge of his mind except that smiling face before him.

“Sooo,” Anthony said into the quiet, his mouth twitching, “you going to let me blow you now?”

Loki laughed; he couldn’t not. He also kissed Anthony again and grinned when they broke apart. ‘ _I don’t recall stopping you_ ’ was on the tip of his tongue, but he also knew he had done just that. He’d worried Anthony into hesitating with his complete inability to handle the _idea_ of what the moment was about to bring, what Anthony was about to do. His mind had overlaid it with a thousand fantasies, a thousand worries, and a million self-deprecating thoughts that were still lingering under the surface.

_But he’s here in your arms, and he wants to do this with you._

Loki smiled back and kissed him once more, his stomach twisting with desire and anticipation while his arousal twitched at the _promise_ in Anthony’s eyes. He confessed, honestly and with more than a hint of embarrassment. “I won’t need long.”

Anthony laughed, the bastard, before kissing him quick and loud. “Don’t worry, babe. Next time, we’ll make it last a lot longer, yeah?”

As Anthony started to make his way back down, Loki was torn between hitting him before he was out of reach for his backhanded tease and luxuriating in the promise of _next time_. In the end, he went for the second while also propping himself up so that he wouldn’t miss a second of what was about to happen. Anthony was bent back over his hips again, his eyes on Loki and checking him for discomfort as he reached out and took a hold of Loki’s cock with his hand.

Loki let out a harsh breath as Anthony gave him two, slow strokes with his thumb rubbing across the tip on the second. It was slightly dry, but his body was far too geared up to care. When Anthony curved over him further and finally dropped his eyes to focus on his task, Loki could only hold his breath.

The first flick of Anthony’s tongue on the head made his whole body quaver, and his hand shot out to grip the cushion on the backseat. Anthony’s head tilted slightly to the left, and he watched Loki’s fingers dig in. He glanced up and smiled. “It’s been a while,” he explained, “try not to thrust _too_ much, yeah?”

 _You little shit_ , flashed through Loki’s mind, but never passed his mouth as Anthony took the head in his mouth and gave a soft suckle. Loki could only stand staring at that bowed head, the source of so many fantasies, for a few moments before he dropped flat on his back and stared at the ceiling.

He felt Anthony’s cheeks hollow as he took him further into his mouth. Loki’s breath was coming ragged, and he was barely keeping any sound from escaping his mouth as Anthony put pressure on his hips in preparation. He slid as far down as he could comfortably go, an unconscious swallow making Loki almost bite through his lip as his hips stuttered forward. He clenched his fist at his side and tried not to move, but when he felt Anthony slowly pull off him, he was forced to push up so he could see the other.

Anthony was close enough that his warm breath teased his erection as he asked, “A reason you’re quiet up there?”

Loki dropped back down and groaned, gaining a ‘ _that’s more like it!_ ’ even as he explained. “You asked me not to move, if I...” _if I admit it’s you, if I let myself give into this, if I call out for you..._ he swallowed. “I will lose my control.”

“Hmm,” Anthony hummed after a few seconds. “Loki?” He waited until Loki looked at him, his body almost coming on the spot at seeing Anthony bring out his tongue and swipe it across the tip, just to tease him. “Lose control.”

His words were followed by his taking in the tip and quickly swallowing him down to a managable level. That warm heat made Loki moan and arch forward. His hips were held down by Anthony’s firm hands, and while Loki was not usually overly vocal in bed, Anthony had asked him; Anthony _was_ the love of his life, and all other touches, all other bedmates paled in comparison to that fact.

“ _Anthony_ ,” he breathed, a gasp breaking free once he finished the word. “God. Fuck. I-” he moaned when Anthony swallowed around him. “Yes, you’re wonderful, I,” Anthony hummed like he was pleased with the commentary, and Loki’s spine curved and his filter broke spectacularly. “Like that, yes, I, hnngh,” he tried, without thought, to press his hips deeper into Anthony’s warm mouth but was stopped. “You’re perfect. Better. Better than I imagined. God, I-” Anthony moved his mouth back up slowly, humming while he did until he reached the tip and could suckle it and lave the foreskin. Loki groaned helplessly and full of pleasure. “ _Yesss._ Please, just there, Anthony, _please_.”

Anthony brought a hand around the base and began stroking while he sucked the head every few seconds, his tongue lapping at him in between. “I can’t, I, I can’t-” Loki forced himself up on shaking limbs, looked down at that gorgeous man and brought his hand down to touch his hair. Anthony startled and looked up, his mouth slipping free. “N-No,” he gasped and urged Anthony back down. “You. I need, _you_. Y-Your eyes, Anthony.”

The other man smiled around Loki’s cock and rearranged himself so he could better keep his gaze on Loki while he worked. That brief stop and reposition didn’t even alter the climax that Loki was racing towards, and he needed this, _needed_ to see the eyes of the man he loved as one of his most coveted dreams played out before him. His trembling hand worked through Anthony’s hair. “You’re beautiful.”

Anthony pulled off him again, but only to breathe against the tip. “And I love you.” He smiled. “Now come on, sweetheart; fall apart for _your lover_.”

Those words and Anthony’s mouth taking him half in, stroking and sucking was more than enough – _too much_ \- and Loki shouted his pleasure and Anthony’s name as he arched up into the touch. His back was bowed for long moments, his mouth gasping soundlessly before he fell back onto the seat, the pleasure racing through his nerve-endings as Anthony swallowed his release and rubbed his leg soothingly while the orgasm rushed through his body.

He was still trembling when Anthony zipped him back up. He didn’t buckle his belt, but Anthony did make his way towards Loki, moving Loki’s sprawled limbs until they were lying facing each other on the seat. Anthony was running comforting hands up and down Loki’s back while pressing soft kisses against the curve of his throat.

When Loki came back to himself to realise where he was, he brought his hands around Anthony and hugged him tightly to his body. Anthony’s chuckle was soft. “Did I live up to my fantasy-self?”

“You _exceeded_ ,” Loki assured him, before noticing with a thrill and a rush of pleasure. “Ah, but _you_ are still in need of care.”

“Oh?” Anthony pulled back, catching Loki’s face. “You think you’re up for it?” He grinned. “Think you can live up to _my_ fantasy of you?”

Loki rolled his eyes and kissed him, he pulled back to accuse, “You are becoming _far_ too impertinent.”

It gained a spark to Anthony’s eyes that Loki hadn’t expected. “You’ll have to teach me a lesson later then, huh?”

The smile fell from Loki’s face to reveal something far too obvious in its longing. He swallowed thickly. “You would... not be averse?”

Anthony’s mouth twitched up. “Well, maybe not _now_ ,” he rolled his hips pointedly. “But it’s on my list. _Definitely_ on my list. You’ve got power seeping out of your pores, babe. I’d love to see what you do with me _at your mercy_.”

Loki gave a full body shudder and had to bury his face in Anthony’s neck to get control of himself; the _images_ that inspired made his cock give a valiant twitch. “ _Anthony_ ,” he groaned, “do not _tempt me so_.”

Anthony kissed his jaw. “Why not? We might not be able to go the full nine yards here, but,” he pulled back as far as the seat allowed, forcing Loki to move his face away from the comforting hiding spot Anthony’s neck provided. But Anthony wasn’t finished; he kept moving them until they had switched positions with Anthony under Loki and smiling up at the other man. Anthony then moved his arms, wiggling them until they were under his lower back. Loki was confused until Anthony told him. “Consider me at your mercy, Lokes.” His eyes were as bright as the stars. “Do whatever you want.” He relaxed back into the seat. “I’m here, I’m aroused, I’m _yours_. What do you want to do to me?”

Loki felt like all the breath had left his lungs as he stared at the man below him and the proposition he’d been given. Anthony was before him like a gift to the gods - a prize he’d offered himself as _willingly_ , and Loki was almost salivating at the thought, was _lost_ at the options before him and just which one he could possibly choose.

_I want them all. I want all of him. I want..._

Loki suddenly knew what he wanted to choose - now, for this moment in time with Anthony aroused, below him, and _at his mercy_ , he knew; he’d picked.

But, _God_ , Loki could almost _come again_ from the mere weight of that offer that still felt unfathomable to him.

Loki swallowed and tried to come off commanding, _demanding_ , but all his word managed to be was a whisper, “Don’t move.”

Anthony smiled. “Not going anywhere.”

Loki had to look away from those eyes watching him with such trust, such pleasure and such _happiness_. He pressed his hands into the seat and levered himself off Anthony just so that he could more sinuously move himself down. When his face was level with the tent that had formed in Anthony’s jeans, he almost lost all composure and ripped open the man’s pants and swallowed him down, desperate to taste, to _feel_ the arousal in his mouth and know it was Anthony’s. He wanted to break Anthony with pleasure and lose himself to the power of bringing him to completion, the _delight_ of having Anthony under him.

_And why not?_

He had no one to impress, nothing to do but what he wanted - what they _both_ wanted. All Loki wanted to do was give Anthony pleasure and to feel him climax inside Loki’s mouth.

Loki’s hands went to Anthony’s pants with purpose, unbuckling them but also rubbing the palm of his hand over that aroused flesh, relishing in Anthony’s loud moan and twitching hips. But he did well; he didn’t arch, didn’t move, and Loki felt a rush of _power_.

“You will not move your legs or your hips,” he ordered and flicked his gaze up to Anthony’s smiling if slightly resigned face, well aware of what he’d given himself over to.

“Yes, Loki,” he paused and frowned. “Loki? Sir? Love? Yes, love?” Loki shuddered, and Anthony’s whole face morphed into something devious at the winning word before he purred. “Yes, _love_ \- whatever you command, _my love_.”

At another time, Loki would have punished him for his impudence, but he didn’t; he couldn’t, not with that word running around his head, and this, _their first time_ , so untested. He didn’t even make a comment in the end; he _did_ rub his palm against Anthony’s arousal again, which seemed to be reprimand enough. When he finished, Anthony looked as if he was fighting the urge to squirm.

Loki would have smiled, but he found it too difficult when he was pulling down Anthony’s jeans and boxers, revealing the aroused flesh he never imagined he’d see again, nor get to touch at his leisure. He stared for a good long moment, watching that weeping tip and the way his observation only seemed to make Anthony harder.

He only started out of his thoughts when Anthony made a small whine. Loki’s eyes darted up to Anthony’s flushed and lust-blown features. He pressed his hands against those hips, assisting Anthony in obeying his demand while hovering his mouth over his cock. The wait to begin was as much a devastating pain and tease to himself as it was to Anthony, but he wanted to enjoy this moment, smell the scent of his arousal and know it was _for him_.

When Anthony made another aroused noise, Loki couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and catching the tip. He let his tongue swipe, taking in and tasting the precum. He had planned to do more, worry it and make Anthony cry out, but the first, low groan of Loki’s name was all it took for Loki’s good intentions to disappear.

He bent over, swallowing Anthony down and making him cry out, soft little ‘ah, ah’s’ that made Loki moan around the erection in his mouth. The vibrations not helping either of them as Anthony only just barely kept his hips down. Loki’s hands just slid up Anthony’s body, cupping his sides before spreading over his chest, mapping him with love and care. His eyes fell closed, half from the mirrored pleasure of hearing Anthony come undone and so that he could keep part of his attention on the feel of that heaving chest and the shuddering muscles under his palms.

 _More_. He just wanted more, more of Anthony, more of the man falling apart. He swallowed him down to the root, ignoring his gag-reflex only just, but knowing it was _worth it_ from the way Anthony’s voice cracked on his soundless yelp of pleasure. Loki had to pull back soon after but he stroked his tongue around the sides of Anthony’s cock and sucked softly in apology. Anthony was shuddering from the strain of keeping his legs in check, so Loki moved his hands down, rubbed them over his muscles before sliding them up near his thighs. He pressed his thumbs in close to Anthony’s entrance, a subtle tease of what they would do one day, an image that caused a groan to fall from both men’s lips. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Anthony hissed, and Loki smiled. _That would be the idea, my darling._

He opened his eyes if only to assist in worming his hand into Anthony’s pants; it involved pushing them down a little further and removing his mouth until it only held the tip, but it was worth it to squeeze Anthony’s cheeks and skate his fingers just inside. Anthony groaned like he was in pain, and his hips finally twitched upwards.

His cock slipped from Loki’s mouth from nothing other than surprise, but Anthony obviously didn’t think so. Loki was surprised Anthony hadn’t realised Loki physically _couldn’t_ have stopped if he tried and had to physically lock his muscles to keep from diving back in and sucking on that aroused, leaking flesh.

“Fuck, fuck, sorry, Loki.” His eyes clenched shut and he hissed out a breath. “Please, love. Please take me back in, please, fuck, you’re so good, so good, so, so good.”

Loki’s hands weren’t quite steady as he slipped them out of Anthony’s pants, gaining a whine - but he knew if he kept them in much longer he would long to press his fingers inside, his tongue, his cock, _anything_ that Anthony would allow him.

He had to rip his eyes away from Anthony’s arousal so that he could look at his chest, slide his hands up and let Anthony’s shirt bunch near his arms. Anthony’s eyes were open and watching him, pleading for his mouth again and making him look away only so that he wouldn’t give in. He pressed his mouth to Anthony’s stomach, feeling the muscles flutter as he kissed his way up, his hands following the path as he kept his chest from touching Anthony’s erection.

Anthony was panting heavily as Loki caught his nipple, swirling his tongue over it and feeling it form a tight bud. He then pressed a soft, gentle kiss to it before moving to the other. He went to move up to Anthony’s neck, a clear plan in mind. He locked his mouth on Anthony’s neck and brought the skin into his mouth, sucking softly. He went to increase the pressure when Anthony hissed out an aroused, “S-Stop.”

He didn’t listen at first, and Anthony was forced to take his cheeks and pull him away. Loki snapped out of his thoughts, his _intents_ , only registering rejection and hurt before he caught Anthony’s eyes and saw the pain, felt the _weight_ of why he’d been stopped. It dimmed the happiness in his chest as the reality hung between them: _no evidence_.

“I-” Loki started, but Anthony just smiled and directed him down further and to a part of his chest.

“Mark me here.” Loki was still hesitant; evidence was still evidence no matter where it was, but Anthony was urging his mouth close. “Come on, I want to wake up with a reminder of you on me.”

Loki gave in at that request, taking the skin and sucking and licking until a bright mark appeared. He then made a few more, just for the sharp pleasure and possession the image gave him. When he finished, he smiled at Anthony and caught his mouth, luxuriating in a kiss with the other man before moving just enough to make Anthony moan and make Loki remember.

He pulled them apart and let his hand dance down his lover’s body until he could stroke the erection with the tips of his fingers. “I have been remiss.”

Anthony had his head back against the seat, gasping at the ceiling as he held his muscles tense. Loki let his fingers run up and down, fascinated by the play of emotions and pleasure that chased themselves over Anthony’s face. He did it for a least a minute before Anthony finally broke and caught his gaze, “ _Please_ love?”

Loki’s heart stuttered. _Love was a terrible word to give him_ , Loki admitted, feeling himself ready to give Anthony _anything_ if he just heard that endearment fall again. He kissed Anthony. _I just won’t let him know that._

“I suppose,” he said when he pulled back before moving from Anthony’s hold and making his way back down. Anthony looked ready to shake out of his skin when Loki was back and hovering over the other’s erection. Loki himself was clenching his fists against the seat and out of Anthony’s view as he tried to keep control over _himself._

_This is all I will have until we have run. This will be the only **moment** I have with him until then. Make it **last** , make it **good**._

He swallowed and bent back down, taking Anthony’s cock in one hand to hold it steady as he brought out his tongue and languidly licked over the tip. Once, twice, three times, hearing Anthony finally let out a pained whine.

The control held over the other was just enough to keep him slow... for now.

He ran his tongue in a slow circle before pulling the head into his mouth and flicking his tongue on the underside as he brought the rest into his mouth in slow, painful increments. When he was down as far as he could go comfortably, he held himself there, his mouth unmoving as he removed his hold on Anthony’s erection. He brought his hands to Anthony’s pelvis, thumbs brushing his hips before moving for his lower back and working out Anthony’s hands.

They had been replaced there when Loki had moved down his body and he guided them free, placing them one on top of the other on Anthony’s stomach. He had only just arranged them when he abruptly swallowed around Anthony and made the scientist cry out and jerk them, but ultimately leave them where they were.

Loki was pleased, but all it took was one, smug look up at Anthony’s face to realise how _perilous_ his patience was. Anthony’s eyes were wide and pleading, and his mouth a red, worried thing. He looked like sin incarnate, and Loki melted under his eyes. Loki swallowed again, watching that head fall back and dig into the backseat, so he did it third time, Anthony’s mouth falling open on a moan, and Loki’s name escaping after an inhale.

His hands darted up and took Anthony’s; he linked one with his own, making the scientist look down at him and making him hum around the other’s erection, just to see his eyes break over with pleasure. When his head fell down again, Loki gave up all restraint and started bobbing his head and sucking for all he was worth, giving his all and sliding up to the tip, swirling his tongue dirtily.

Anthony was nothing but hitched moans, but it wasn’t enough; he wanted Anthony _lost_ to him. Keeping his mouth moving, he reached for Anthony’s other hand and brought it to bury in his hair. He wanted Anthony to be as connected to _him_ as possible. He moved his mouth down before sliding it back up and off. Anthony groaned harshly but Loki just licked the tip once more, watching his cock twitch almost painfully. “You have done _very_ well.” He told the other, watching Anthony’s muscles relax. “So now, I want you to _enjoy_ yourself.” His eyes danced. “Enjoy _me_ , as it were.”

Anthony’s eyes widened, not seeming to comprehend. Loki just licked a strip from just above his balls all the way to the tip, watching Anthony swallow thickly at the sight. He hovered his mouth over the tip of Anthony’s cock before encouraging him to take a tighter hold in Loki’s hair. “Come for me, my Anthony. Let yourself take your pleasure from _me_.”

Loki took him back in his mouth, unable to resist a suckle and a flick of his tongue on the head before sliding all the way down again, he hummed against the other’s cock and let his tongue lave. When Anthony thrust slightly, Loki didn’t try to stop him; he _adored_ the slight burn, the reminder, _his_ mark that would tell him tomorrow what had happened. He could look in the mirror and know what he had done, the _lust_ he had inspired and sated in Anthony with nothing but his mouth.

The moment that Anthony had given them both, to remind them of what they would be waiting for.

The thought made him moan around Anthony’s erection and caused Anthony to shout and jerk his hips. Loki just bore down to accept it and began swallowing around Anthony’s cock, his cheeks clenching and releasing as his entire focus became the man underneath him and the erection in his mouth. He let Anthony thrust as much as he wanted, as much as he needed, and the feeling was _blissful_ \- something he’d dreamed of often, just having Anthony _lose himself_ in Loki, in his _pleasure_.

When Loki finally recognised the broken noises he’d only heard once before - the sound of Anthony finally reaching his end - Loki curved even further around Anthony’s body and sucked _hard_. His freehand moved to Anthony’s hip and briefly held him down, just so that Loki could take him in and let the tight pressure of his throat clench around the head.

He had barely moved back when the first taste of Anthony’s orgasm burst across his tongue, and Anthony keened Loki’s name. Loki felt a burst of pride, a rush of _happiness_ , and he let the man jerk softly into him while crying out his bliss. His fingers twisted in Loki’s hair as his climax rushed through him and filled his body with agonising pleasure.

Loki took every drop and kept up a steady sucking off the softening flesh before letting Anthony slide out of his mouth. The sight of the other’s cock still filled Loki with lust, with _want_ , filled his mind with all the things he desired to do with it and Anthony, but he pushed them aside and slid Anthony back into his pants. He did bend down and press a soft kiss just below Anthony’s navel, an intimacy he couldn’t resist before he crawled up Anthony’s prone form and pulled him into his embrace.

Anthony’s limbs were heavy but they still made their way around him as Anthony’s face pressed against Loki’s chest. Loki sighed and kissed the top of his head. “How will I ever let you go now?” Loki asked into the ensuing quiet. His voice was half teasing and half blatantly truthful. He tightened his hold on the other. “You’re more perfect than I ever imagined, and not even the discomfort of this carseat can take away from how happy I am.” He ran his hand up Anthony’s back and into his hair and kissed the strands again. “It’s going to be an age before I can hold you aga-”

“Hey,” Anthony tilted his head, his words cutting Loki off. He was smiling with fond exasperation. “Stop focusing on that, okay? Stop ruining our _moment_.” He tilted his chin up until Loki would kiss him. It was just a soft press of lips before Anthony broke it to continue. “Just think about how _sick_ you’re going to get of me hogging the covers when we’re living together. Think about all the ways you can wake me up in the morning and pay me back. Think about _this_ ,” he squeezed Loki, “and how it’s what we’re going to be fighting for.”

It reminded him of Anthony’s words earlier and he parroted them back with a small smile. “You make it so difficult to be unhappy and maudlin when you do _that_.”

Anthony recognised it and grinned. “Good. My Lokes isn’t allowed to be either of those things when I’m around to kick his ass for it.”

Loki started chuckling only to be silenced by Anthony kissing him. Loki lost his amusement and let his tongue slide against Anthony’s as he held the other’s mouth and head close with the pressure in his hair. When they finally broke apart, they were pressed so tightly together that Loki wasn’t even sure which part was his body and which was Anthony’s. He pressed his forehead to Anthony’s and told him softly, “We both know you need to go.”

“Yeah,” Anthony admitted. “Yeah, I know.”

But neither of them made a move to untangle from the other. Loki huffed out a laugh. “A few minutes more?”

Anthony burrowed his head into Loki’s neck and breathed against his skin. “A lifetime more,” he answered, making Loki’s heart miss a beat and the breath rush out of him in a joyful exhale. “But yeah, a few minutes for now.”

Loki lightly began massaging his lover’s hair and closed his eyes, feeling that smaller body breathe against him and holding on tightly. He didn’t have long with Anthony, but he still took those few moments and pretended; he changed the scene to an undefinable bed in a house they’d be living in soon enough. He imagined an evening, _every_ evening curled up together under the blankets and confessing their feelings without constraints, without time limits and without the need for secrecy haunting them.

 _And it will be ours_ , he swore silently. _This is not the end; this is merely the pages before the beginning - **our** beginning._

And Loki knew that this time, their separation would be worth waiting through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, tell me, who was expecting _that_. They got sexual! Shock! (But hopefully not horror!). I hope you all didn't mind a dash more of it, hehe. I had a lot of fun writing their affection and Loki's "hnngh *so happy gonna die*-ness" XD
> 
> Next chapter will be another sequel ficlet, but unlike in previous chapters, I'm not going to give away what it's relating to. Like my other chaptered stories now, you're just gonna have to wait and see ;)


	9. Post Fractals Accompaniment 2: Tony makes preparations for the big day - Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony was familiar with being nervous and he knew what it was like to change the path of his life because of someone he cared about. He _also_ knew how important being the 'best man' was to Barnes. It meant he had a lot of things to consider and stress over as he made the decision he'd talked about with Loki. His stomach still felt like it had been turned into lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing how quickly this is moving along. While this series isn't 'almost finished' as such, it also kind of is from my side of things. I have quite a few more updates to go, but the final ones are being wrapped up writing wise. Soon I'll be able to give you a final chapter count! Whoo! I also hope that you guys like all the feels and the scenes that are to come!

Tony was standing in front of his wardrobe mirror, staring at the simple jeans and shirt he was wearing before sliding his eyes to the tuxedo that was hanging pressed and ready towards the back of the closet.

It had been eight months since he’d last seen Loki; eight months since they’d confessed to each other on the bridge. It had been even longer since his best friend had gotten engaged to Steve, but today was the day it was all happening - in more ways than one.

It was what they’d decided; it was the best possible time, and Tony knew there was no way around it.

Bucky was getting married to Steve today, and after the ceremony, when everyone was relaxed and joyous and _celebrating_... Tony would be quietly and carefully disappearing from their lives.

His decision hadn’t wavered since they’d come up with it, but it had felt strained. He’d spoken with Loki on the phone numerous times, hearing the worry grow and occasionally crack in Loki’s voice. He’d always sweep it under the rug if he asked, but Loki also _never_ placed Tony’s movements and plans in stone.

He always had a quick explanation “ _it may wait if you feel suspicion falling on you_ ” or “ _you are in a far more perilous position than I, Anthony; it may be done later_ ”.

It was like he was just waiting for Tony to back out.

Loki kept his promises and his steps, dismantling his empire one piece after another, but even the smallest move on Tony’s part was given to him with the knowledge he could stop at any time, and that Loki would understand - that Loki would _wait_ \- and if Tony tried to call him on it, Loki would always find a means of derailing him.

He never even said “when _we_ run” anymore; it was always unspecified. It was always left with a hole that Tony could walk away from, and it _hurt_. He couldn’t even ease Loki’s worries when his own nerves and guilt were so prevalent, when he couldn’t even see him, touch him, _remind_ him - remind them _both_.

Because the risks were too great, and on top of that, Tony wanted to suck up as much time as he could with Barnes, with Bruce, with his father, hell, even with _Rogers_. He also wanted to spend time with JARVIS. And fuck, that conversation had been hard. He’d told JARVIS what he was planning when he’d got back that morning. His jittering and happiness had been too encompassing to hide, and he’d poured it all out to his AI.

It wasn’t until weeks later that he realised he wasn’t going to be able to take JARVIS with him.

JARVIS would go crazy living in a suburban house when everything he liked to do would draw far too much attention. It had still taken a good month to convince the AI of it and make him agree to move into SI in order to watch over the company and his father.

And fuck, his _father_ was another thing entirely. He hadn’t realised how much he was going to _miss_ him until he came back from a visit to New York knowing it was the last time he’d be seeing him for years, possibly _forever_. He’d hugged Howard, almost knocked him to the ground with the fierce embrace that had shocked them both.

He was fairly sure Howard assumed it had everything to do with the kidnappings and some kind of crisis of mortality, and Tony didn’t even try to correct him. He’d come back to work and rushed through his projects so he wouldn't have to think about it. He was back on active duty and was just grateful Loki wasn’t doing anything he needed to worry about. S.H.I.E.L.D. was still keeping him under surveillance, worriedly discussing why he hadn’t made any kind of moves recently. The only _upside_ to the lack of activity was that Odinson was finally called back to Interpol and could fuck off out of Tony’s lab before he slipped something mildly poisonous into the guy’s coffee.

Tony had been interested to notice that Jane hadn’t seemed as disappointed as the agent had - as disappointed as a _girlfriend_ would be expected to. He hadn’t wheedled, but he _had_ shot her so many curious looks that she’d finally sighed and told him they’d been on the rocks for a while, and she was relieved to have a reason to break up.

“There are only so many times I can stand being treated like my opinion isn’t as valid as his.”

Tony had raised his eyebrows. “I would have thought that would have been ‘the first time’ with you.”

She’d smiled, looking a little flattered. “Normally, yes.”

“Oh, but the hunk of a man was good in bed, that’s what you’re saying?”

She’d thrown something at him and flushed a little, but hadn’t refuted it - she _had_ tacked on; “I like to see the good in people. I like to think _everyone_ is capable of change once they find the right motivator, the right encouragement, and when they can gain an extra perspective that isn’t the one they know or were raised with.”

Tony had swallowed, his mind flicking through a thousand images of Loki doing _just that_ , and he’d felt a yearning to touch and hold Loki so much that he actually checked his chest to see if a physical wound hadn’t opened up. It hadn’t, so he made himself continue the conversation. “But Blondie didn’t have that ability?”

The twist to Jane’s mouth looked like she’d tasted something sour. “Thor has a lot of influences that aren’t going to change overnight.” _Odin_ , Tony summed up in one disgusted word. “I want a boyfriend,” she added with a lighter tone, adding a twist of humour that had made Tony laugh, “not a DIY project.”

“Well, if you find a place that delivers a good variety,” Tony had joked, “then you know my number.”

Jane had chuckled, and they’d gotten back to work. Honestly, he’d gotten so used to her presence that when Fury had tried to move her back to her former lab space, he’d kicked up such a fuss that, while shocked at the response, Fury had allowed her to remain. The next day when she’d heard the decision, Jane had actually kissed his cheek and dragged him out to lunch with Darcy and Bruce.

Sitting down to lunch with them, he’d been shocked and slightly pained to realise he’d made a _friend_ out of her. He also discovered Darcy considered him one too, if attempting to rope him into her ‘secret attempts’ to set Bruce and Jane up was any indication. Tony wasn’t sure whether the world was ready for _that_ plan to succeed.

He was still drawn up with bitter disappointment though, every time he realised he wouldn’t be around to see anything come of it. 

Barnes even caught him in the corridors one morning and regaled him with all the new ways Darcy was getting Agents in on the plan and _succeeding_. That she was a ‘ _damn force to be reckoned with_ ’ and that ‘ _Steve was wrapped around the crazy assistant’s little finger_ ’. Barnes said he’d be worried, if only _his_ ring wasn’t already long wrapped around the only important one.

Which, of course, segued into more wedding talk as well as having Barnes come over to his house to drink beer and pretend he wasn’t nervous as hell about the day in question. Convincing him he’d be fine and reminding Barnes with slightly sickening sincerity and _emotion_ about how much Rogers was worth it had been pretty easy. Convincing _Howard_ not to throw elaborate amounts of money at Rogers and Barnes for their ‘ _bachelor parties_ ’ was moderately more difficult.

It ended up being a small gathering of two friends of Rogers’ and Barnes’ that Tony had never known existed. It turned out they’d admitted their relationship to three other people since Tony - with one of the others unable to attend. Howard has also found out, apparently by being a conniving little shit; Tony was not surprised.

When a _huge_ cake from the most expensive bakery in Chicago had shown up with no information on it, no details regarding who it had came from and _rainbow colouring on the inside_ , Tony had just sighed. When there was a box revealed with it that contained two flawless, miniature, crystal handguns looped together with jewelled dog tags that read _Mr & Mr_; he’d winced. When there was _also_ a note stating; ‘ _congratulations!_ ’ on one side and ‘ _enjoy the enclosed voucher. Make your honeymoon night memorable!_ ’ on the other, Tony had just pinched his nose and tried not to melt into the floor from embarrassment at his father’s idiocy.

Rogers’ startled and embarrassed expression said a stern talking to was in order. Barnes was too damn busy laughing so hard he was almost collapsed on the floor to pay attention to his lover or to Tony.

A small, bitter part of Tony that he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge had wondered what would happen if Howard knew about Loki, if Howard knew about _their_ love, and if they had been in a position to get married, what his father would have done for them. Supported them? Paid for some elaborate gift? Thrown the party himself? He didn’t know, and it hurt to wonder, it also made the beer in his hand lose its appeal.

But he’d still stayed; he’d smiled in the appropriate places, cheered the two men when congratulation speeches came in, and had even given his own, but the whole time he’d been thinking about Loki and wishing he was present, wishing they were _together_.

It was one am when he arrived back at his apartment, and the first thing he’d done was pull out his burner and call the other, hoping he would be awake or in a position where he could speak. Loki had answered, not even sounding tired, just warm at hearing from him. “Anthony?”

Tony had sighed, leaning against his living room wall. “Hey Lokes.”

He could hear the frown in Loki’s voice. “Are you well? Did something occur with your agents?”

Tony couldn’t stop his small smile as it all connected - _too worried to sleep, huh?_ “Yeah, things went fine. I just...” _come on, who the hell will it hurt to admit?_ “I wish you were there with me.”

Loki let out a soft, almost shaky exhale, and he heard something get placed on what sounded like a book. Glasses, maybe? And Tony was _still_ waiting to see the other wear those elusive wire-frames he’d seen in Loki’s apartment. “So do I, Anthony.”

Tony had smiled but hadn’t lingered on something he knew they couldn’t change - not yet, at least. “Well, what are you up to? Anything interesting at 1am? Or did I catch you before bed?” Tony smirked. “Or did I catch you _in_ bed?”

Loki had chuckled, and their conversation had circled through light topics as Tony had shrugged off his jacket and shoes, and Loki had recounted him with information on the book he was reading. It had been nice, pleasant, and it had calmed the pained and worried storm in his chest. It hadn’t been the first night they’d spent talking, but Tony would never stop enjoying being able to say ‘ _goodnight_ ’ to Loki and hear a soft, affectionate whisper of ‘ _goodnight, my darling_ ’ moments before Loki hung up.

It was those moments that he was trying to hold close as he stared at himself in the mirror, stared at the slightly pale cheeks and anxious eyes looking back at him. He was giving up so much for Loki, his life, his family, his friends, and while his mind never whispered _is it worth it?_ it sure as fuck mentioned how hard it was going to be and how much he was going to worry and hurt them.

He’d written letters, one for everyone dear to him, and they were to be emailed by JARVIS in the early hours of the morning after he’d fled. The only person who would get a physical copy of his apology and a twisted explanation - one that he would see right through - was Barnes. It was tucked inside the box that also held Tony’s wedding gift, and JARVIS would tell Barnes that when the Agent inevitably called up demanding information.

Fuck, he hoped they’d understand. He hoped they’d realise why he had to do it, why Loki, why _love_ was worth running for.

Tony rubbed a hand across his face and breathed in and out slowly. _Time to get ready_. Pulling out the tuxedo, he took it over to his bed, draping it across the mattress and just staring for a moment, wondering a little hysterically: _why do I feel like I’m suiting up for battle?_ Tony let out a dry laugh before shaking his head and reaching for the hem of his shirt.

“Sir,” he was called, the clothing pulled almost to his chin when he paused to listen to his AI. “You have a visitor.”

Tony blinked but pushed the shirt back down while starting to smooth it. “Who the hell is visiting me _now?_ ”

He didn’t wait for a response as he turned out of his bedroom. He got as far as the doorway before he saw the front door being closed as _Loki_ slipped inside. Tony was so shocked he just stared at the other who hadn’t yet noticed him. He was nervous; his movements jerky, and his own suit a little less than pristine - probably from indecision about coming, and any fidgeting even after he’d decided.

Loki hadn’t told him he was going to come.

Tony had known for a while that Loki had procured a key; he’d subtly mentioned it in a way Tony had picked up on as a search for disapproval. Tony had never given it, nor had he openly called him on it either. He’d gotten the impression that Loki had wanted to do it since Ultron but had been able to hold himself back while he thought his feelings were one-sided. When Tony had confessed as well, he hadn’t been able to resist the comfort of having it close to hand.

“Loki,” Tony murmured, the other’s eyes moving from their quick, almost fascinated examination of Tony’s apartment to focus on the man himself. Loki’s face broke into that same longing desperation to _have_ him that Tony automatically made his way to the other, even while asking, “Loki, what are you _doing here?_ ”

He didn’t wait for a response as they met in the middle of the room and almost knocked the breath out of each other by how strongly they came together in a hug, their arms curling around each other’s backs as their fingers dug in. Loki pressed a fierce kiss to the top of Tony’s head before resting his cheek against the same spot.

Loki didn’t respond for a long moment, his hands releasing their stiffened pressure against his shoulder blades before beginning to rub soothing patterns with the flat of one palm. The other hand went and rested against his lower back. “Your AI conveyed your nervousness to me.” Another kiss to his temple broke up Loki’s words. “You were in need of comfort.”

 _Fucking traitor_ , Tony mentally swore at JARVIS even while leaning into the other’s caresses. “It’s still way too risky; you really shouldn’t be here.”

But even as he was saying the words, his mind was filling in the blanks and registering the way Loki was _holding_ him. Loki wasn’t here entirely for Tony’s comfort; he was here for his _own_.

“I...” Loki swallowed, “I know,” and he sounded guilty, his hand stopping its movement and his form tensing minutely. “I’m sorry, forgive me, but I-”

Tony pulled his head back from where it was resting on Loki’s shoulder so that he could look the other man in the eye. He was haunted and terrified, and Tony couldn’t stand it. He caught Loki’s mouth in a gentle kiss that was instantly answered with Loki’s mouth moving against his own. They were soft, open-mouthed and reassuring gestures that neither of them tried to deepen.

Tony was the one to pull back, having enjoyed those long moments of remembering the feel of the other’s lips. He did sneak back in for one chaste but firm peck before catching Loki’s eyes. “I really like that you came, Loki, but-”

“But I shouldn’t have,” Loki interrupted with a pained smile. “Of course, yes.” He swallowed and looked somewhere near Tony’s chest as he murmured, “These are your last moments before your friend’s ceremony, before a monumental decision is before you. I shouldn’t have involved myself at such an important moment, I-”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Tony interjected, staring at Loki with wide eyes as Loki curled into himself slightly and looked caught and painfully resigned about it. “You have doubts I’m going to pick you,” Tony breathed the words out, feeling his heart hit each part of his chest on its painful tumble down to his stomach. “You came here hoping to sway me back to you. You-”

“No,” Loki told him firmly and with a shake of his head. He brought one hand up to cup Tony’s jaw and gave a wobbly smile that was trying to be brave. “No. I know you would never be shifted from a decision by my mere presence alone, Anthony.” His thumb stroked Tony’s skin. “But to do this for me is asking a _lot_ of you - more than many would give. I am...” he swallowed thickly, “I am here to kiss you and to hold you and to tell you one more time that I will _not_ make you do this. Not now, not ever. Not if you are unsure of doing it.” Loki smiled, and this time it was a little more genuine and a little more _fucking heartbreaking_. “I want you, yes, but I don’t ever want to be the cause of you regretting something so life-changing.”

“ _Oh, Loki_ ,” Tony whispered before bringing his hands from Loki’s back so that he could cup Loki’s cheeks and pull him down into another soft, languid kiss. This time their tongues met and tangled, danced in a way that never gave them lust, but only gave them a _connection_ , one that Tony had been missing for _eight fucking months_. When he finally pulled back he was shaking his head at his idiot of a lover. “I thought I gave you something to remind you that this was _real_ and _my choice_.”

But Loki was shaking his head too. “You gave me something I _cherish_ , my _Käresta_ \- but _my_ happiness will _never_ be more important than yours.”

The statement was so blatant that it stole Tony’s breath. Loki was looking at him with eyes that were so serious, that believed every word he was saying as if it was an _irrefutable fact_ , and Tony just wanted to wrap himself around Loki and never, ever, let the man go. He wanted to climb inside his skin, slip into his mind and heart and convince him that _no one was worth sacrificing his own happiness for._

“ _Fuck_ , Loki,” Tony breathed, his voice shaking with the power of those words. “Fuck, you can’t just-”

“I can, and I _have_ , Anthony.” Loki kissed his forehead once, soft and loving. “Your happiness is integral to mine, and that will not change, nor does it _obligate_ you to make me happy.” He smiled slightly. “It’s nice when you do, but that doesn’t take as much as you might expect. If you want to stay with your agents for a few more years,” he shrugged, “I can, and I _will_ wait.”

 _I don’t need it official,_ Tony suddenly remembered Barnes saying way back during the engagement dinner. _I’m happy to keep the promise and fulfil it when we retire._

“You would wait the rest of our lives, wouldn’t you?” Tony asked him, watching when Loki didn’t hold his gaze and shrugged instead, using the lack of response to lean forward and kiss Tony’s temple. Tony leant into the touch, even while his mind was running away with all that Loki was implying.

Sliding his hands down to Loki’s shoulders, he gripped the fabric tightly for a few seconds before wrapping his hands behind Loki’s back and neck, pulling him into a tight hug. Loki was quick to curl his own arms around Anthony’s waist, his palms against Tony’s spine.

“You fucking crazy _idiot_ ,” Tony hissed before turning and kissing Loki's neck and burying his face slightly. He squeezed his eyes shut and wished there was a way to just get _closer_ to this man. He wanted to be wrapped around him so completely in a hug that they became one _being_. His body couldn’t contain all the feelings flying around inside him like a pinball machine.

“I _love you_ , okay?” Tony pulled back, watching the way Loki’s face become soft, ecstatic and just _happy_ at hearing it. So he said it again. “I love you. I love _you_. I love you more than I’ve ever loved _anything in the whole fucking world_ , okay? I’m not going anywhere; I’m not giving you up. Stop laying yourself on the fucking train tracks because it’s starting to _kill me too_. Kiss me like you did the first time we met. Kiss me like I’m yours and no one, not even _I_ get a god damn say in it.” He kissed him hard and fast, because he couldn’t stop himself. Loki didn’t even move, just kept staring at him like he was impossible. “Tell me I’ve got to run with you _now_ or you won’t come back,” Tony continued, “Fuck, Loki, just, just,” he dug one hand in Loki’s hair while the other took his neck, feeling Loki’s racing pulse against his thumb, “just figure out I’m _running with you tonight_ , and nobody,” he smiled, feeling like his whole _face_ was a little watery as he told him, “not even _you_ are going to change my mind, okay, sweetheart?”

Loki gave a sightly broken laugh and kissed Tony. He _kissed_ him with passion, dominance, possession, and love all rolled into something that made Tony’s toes curl. It made his back bend slightly as he held onto Loki for balance, getting swept away in the consuming nature of the man in front of him.

He didn’t know how long it went on for before it slowed into soft little kisses that had them panting into each other’s mouth before starting all over again. When they finally finished, their foreheads were pressed together and they were smiling brightly at the other, lost in the other’s gaze and warmth.

JARVIS had to pull them apart with a sound not unlike a clearing throat. “Sirs?”

Tony didn’t pull back or disconnect their foreheads; he just shifted and looked to the side slightly. “Yeah?”

“I’m afraid I must remind you that the wedding of Agents’ Rogers and Barnes requires you to arrive in an hour and a half, Mr Stark.”

Tony closed his eyes and winced. “Right, thanks, J.”

He tried to turn back to the same position he’d shared with Loki, but the other was already pulling away. He even removed himself from the hug. His hands did come out to catch and hold Tony’s, as if he couldn’t bear to fully part. “You need to prepare.”

Tony sighed and voiced something he’d been thinking for weeks. “I wish I could bring you as my _date_.”

Bringing up one of Tony’s hands, Loki kissed the palm before bringing it to cup his cheek. When he placed a second, dusting of his lips to Tony’s inner wrist, he shivered slightly. Loki just pressed his lips harder before letting him go. Tony kept his hand on Loki’s face as the other told him, ignoring his wish, “I will stay here and finish the final preparations.”

Tony smiled a little. “Yeah? Because I’ve got a paper bag of all your gifts of wooing, and I don’t want them left behind.”

Loki actually flushed a little. “You kept them?”

“Every damn one,” Tony promised before narrowing his eyes. “And if my stash of _young Loki_ pictures meets with an unfortunate accident, I _will_ pay you back.”

The frustrated scowl he’d been hoping for slipped over Loki’s face. “Those _horrible_ -”

“Adorable,” Tony interjected. “ _Adorable_. I like seeing the cute kid that turned into the man I love.” A darker wince began to form between Loki’s eyes at the _other_ aspects of the man he’d become, but Tony hurriedly rushed to stop it. “Don’t, Loki. Just don’t. I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

Loki looked conflicted, torn between being happy to let sleeping dogs lie, and _unhappy_ that he couldn’t bring it up and remind Tony, to make sure he was walking into this with his _eyes open_ , so to speak. Tony was, and he planned to do a lot more than sweep Loki’s past under the rug. They were going to talk about it, _in depth_ , but they weren’t going to do it before Tony had go and see his best friend and _lie_ about what he planned to do.

He wanted to leave bolstered and filled with all the love he felt and the reason he was running. He didn’t want an argument or to leave a guilt-ridden, insecure, and pained Loki behind. “Come on,” he dropped his hand but kept the other linked with Loki’s as he pulled him towards his bedroom. “I’m going to need help with my tie.”

Tony barely got over the threshold before Loki dug his heels in, the sudden resistance almost jarring his shoulder before he turned to the other. Loki gave him a tight smile and let him go, taking a step back. “I’ll wait here.”

Tony frowned before the thought suddenly clicked, and his body suddenly clocked out of the lighter emotions and into something _baser_. The two of them alone in Tony’s bedroom while he stripped out of his clothes; Tony swallowed, and his voice came out a little rougher. “Right, yeah, good move.”

Loki’s eyes darkened in response to his words, and his gaze travelled over Tony with all the pent up desire that had only been briefly doused in the back seat of Loki’s car. Tony almost wanted to push for it; _yeah, come on, push me onto the bed and wreak **me** before the wedding. I want to feel it, feel **you** when I’m walking around that reception._

But Loki broke the gaze and reached for the door. “I’ll be here,” his voice was a little deeper before he cleared it. “I’ve been curious about your apartment; I’ll take a tour.”

Half-smiling, Tony agreed, “Yeah, okay. I’ll call you when I need that tie fixed.”

The door was shut, saving Loki from having to reply, and Tony resisted the urge to fall onto his bed and sigh long and hard. But he didn’t have the time, and if he wanted to fix that and give them all the time in the _world_ to do whatever they wanted to, he had to get ready.

It was enough motivation to get him moving, but it still felt like forever by the time he’d gotten everything on but his jacket and tie. He took the two things out into the living room to find Loki leaning against the wall by the kitchen and flicking through his mother’s recipe book with a soft, amused smile, fingering and chuckle at the cursing and extra notes Tony had added via sticky notes.

Tony just smiled, softly and unconsciously at seeing the other so blatantly relaxed and happy. “Her notes helped a bunch,” Tony told him, making Loki startle and look up, “but I’m still pretty shit.” He smiled. “Hence the cursing.”

Loki didn’t say anything; he just swallowed before murmuring roughly, “That is _not_ like your other suits.”

Glancing down, Tony had kind of forgotten how much of a difference it would make. Howard had refused to let him show up at the wedding under-dressed, and Tony had been unable to stop him when it was such an important occasion for his friends. His suit was expensive, tailored specifically for him, and made with beautifully sleek material. He looked good. He just hadn’t realised _how_ good he would look to _Loki_.

“Ah, yeah, Dad insisted, I mean-” but Loki had tossed the book on the couch and had reached him in quick strides. He pushed Tony up against the wall and kissed him harshly. Tony moaned softly and kissed him back, bringing his hands to the other’s hair while one of Loki’s slid under his shirt and the other pressed beside his head against the wall.

The kiss was long and filthy, and it only broke for Loki to move slightly and pant near Tony’s neck. “You look _impeccable, delectable_.” He groaned and pressed his lips to Tony’s neck. “ _Gorgeous_.”

Tony arched into the kiss and added, “ _Yours_.”

Loki made a broken noise and before Tony could react, he dropped to his knees and brought his hands to Tony’s belt. “ _Loki_ ,” Tony groaned, sounding strangled. “I can’t just, I have to-” But the other man wasn’t listening he was pulling out Tony’s buckle and moving onto his zipper. “This isn’t what I meant when I said _go for it_ -”

He had been looking down at the other man, so when Loki looked up at him, Tony’s mouth went dry at the pure _want_ in his eyes. “I want your cock in my mouth,” Loki told him with a low rumble. “I want your pleasure. I want this stunning suit _wrecked_ and forever creating a reminder of _me_ when you see it. _I want your pleasure_.” His hands slipped inside Tony’s pants before he used the natural part in boxer shorts to free Tony’s hardening erection. His hands then went to Tony’s hips, hidden in part by the trousers Tony’s was still wearing. When Loki smirked up at him, it was pure power and determination and _possession_. “And I will have it.”

Loki’s mouth took him in without further ceremony, and Tony banged his head against the wall from the encompassing feel of the other’s mouth.

He’d experienced it before in the car on the bridge, and he’d thought his memories had enhanced it, made it more pleasurable than it really was. That was a _fucking lie_. Loki’s mouth was a fucking gift and he wasn’t fucking around this time. He was all desperate swallows and bobbing motions, making Tony cry out and try to thrust. He was babbling who knew what as Loki sucked him with perfect pressure and swirled his tongue over the tip and causing him to whine _every time_.

Tony could feel his orgasm coming, and he barely got out a pained little warning gasp before Loki was swallowing multiple times in quick succession and making him shout and arch forward into Loki’s mouth, feeling his knees weaken as Loki continued to swallow his release before gently sliding off him. When he was finished and Loki had righted his pants, Tony let himself slip to the floor to sit in front of Loki.

He was smiling arrogantly, and Tony grabbed his neck and pulled him into a kiss. He went to reach for Loki’s belt but the other batted him away - whispering against him, “You don’t have the time, my dear. You have a wedding to prepare for.”

Tony frowned. “Yeah, but-”

Loki pulled back and shook his head, but he was grinning a little, and Tony was pleased to note, with very little worry or sadness. “Consider me owed, if it makes you feel better. You’ll have plenty of time to make good on it later.”

Tony sighed, looking down at Loki’s tented pants and _wanting_ to watch Loki break again, but knowing the time constraints just as well as Loki did. He still tried anyway, “Not even a quick handjob?”

The other actually snorted before standing up and offering a hand that Tony accepted. His eyes were still drawn to Loki’s arousal and the desire to slip his hands inside those pants. “Don’t tempt me.”

Tony was about do just that but Loki bent down and picked up Tony’s tie and jacket as if his erection was hardly bothering him. He threw the tie around Tony’s shoulders before sliding it under his collar. His eyes were focused on the task, and Tony suddenly got a wicked idea. He moved a little closer, ostensibly to make it easier on the other, but his hands reached down for Loki’s hips, and he grabbed the zipper, making the other freeze and warn: “ _Anthony_.”

Smirking, Tony told him. “What? You’re still getting me ready; as long as you don’t _stop_ , I’m still on schedule, right?” Loki looked ready to argue, but when Tony rubbed a palm over his still clothed erection, he made a little hitched noise. “You can tie a tie under pressure, right?”

“I-” Tony pushed Loki’s pants and boxers down slightly, just enough to reveal his erection for Tony’s fingers to dance over. “W-What kind do you want?” Loki managed to get out, wide-eyed and long past the point of denying Tony.

Bringing the hand that had been touching him up, Tony put on a thoughtful expression, even while bringing his tongue to lick his palm and fingers in a parody of what Loki had done to him that morning in his apartment. Loki was breathing heavily, and his gaze was locked on Tony’s tongue. “Hmm. A Prince Albert?” He was hardly going to make it _too_ difficult for Loki as he took the other’s erection in hand and started stroking. “That would look good, right?” Loki made a whining noise and closed his eyes. Tony drew his hand up slowly before flicking his thumb over the head. He then stopped. “Loki?” The other opened lust-blown eyes. “Thought you were fixing my tie?”

Loki glared at him slightly and clenched his teeth before focusing his attention on the material. Tony waited until his attention was held on the fabric before stroking swiftly and squeezing the head slightly, making Loki falter and hiss. Tony kept up a steady but slow rhythm after that, watching the way Loki was panting and his hips were twitching to follow the motions of Tony’s hand. The hands on Tony’s tie were shaking slightly but they were managing fairly well, Tony decided to _really_ test them.

He sped up his strokes and swiped a thumb over the tip on each glide while murmuring, “I wish I could be sucking you off.” Loki groaned, and his hands stopped, his eyes closing as he thrust forward. “Or maybe you could be _tying me up_. You’ve got some pretty green ties; maybe you could bind me to the bed with them?”

Loki leant forward, pressing his forehead to Tony’s shoulder and fuck, Tony liked the feeling of that, but well, he also liked teasing Loki, so he slowed down his strokes and told the other. “Come on, thought you had a job to do?”

Loki hissed and swore to him, “When I tie you up, I will make you _suffer_.” 

But he still went back to the tie, his fingers trembling while Tony grinned brightly and kept up his movements.

It only took moments more for Loki to finish the knot, and Tony was impressed; he also sped up his strokes significantly in reward and let Loki enjoy the feeling. Leaning forward, he kissed the other’s neck, mouthing the spot before telling him, “When you tie me up,” he sucked hard, making his first ever lovebite on the other and making Loki’s hips stutter forward. “When you tie me up,” he repeated, moving to breathe the words in Loki’s ear, “it’s going to be so good to feel your cock sliding deep inside me.”

Loki came at hearing those words, moaning long and loud even as Tony pulled back awkwardly to avoid staining his tuxedo. He was smiling widely as he coaxed Loki through the aftershocks before kissing his gasping mouth softly. 

“See,” he told the other brightly when he pulled back, “we did have time for it.” Loki let out a faint, fond chuckle and kissed him again, his eyes still closed. He murmured something in what Tony was going to _guess_ was Russian. It sounded a lot like the language he’d spoken in at the safe house. Tony kissed his cheek before moving to nuzzle his neck. “What’s that mean?”

Loki sighed and admitted, “That you’re perfect.”

Tony smiled against his neck and kissed him again. “You reminded me, actually.” Loki made a hum of curiosity. “What did you say to me that one time in, I think, what was it, Russian?”

“Ah,” Loki mumbled, his hands coming to Anthony’s hips. “Merely that I loved you.” He cleared his throat. “Loved you with all my heart, if I’m being entirely truthful - I wanted to say that to you at least once just... just in case.”

Tony couldn’t stop his grin, despite the threat that had been haunting them at the time, and pulled back, kissing Loki before telling him, “I’m sorry it took so long to hear it back.”

Loki just smiled at him fondly, shaking his head, dismissing all the heartache he’d gone through as if it had never happened or was never important. He moved away from Tony, fixing his pants as best he could and telling him, “You need to clean up.”

He looked around before spotting a box of tissues and brought them back. He took Tony’s hand and went to wipe it clean. Tony started raising it to his mouth and began to say, “You know I could-”

“ _Don’t_ ,” Loki warned him with only vague annoyance. “I don’t know what you’re going to say, but it’s going to be something filthy and wonderful, and I can’t hear it right now.” Tony had to bite down on his smile, but let Loki tidy him without further complaint. “Go wash your hands,” he finished with. “I will do the same and then,” his face fell a little, “and then you really must go.”

Tony’s own smile dimmed, but he knew he couldn’t fight it, so he did as he was ordered. Loki took to the kitchen while he went to the bathroom, when they met again, Loki had even cleaned his pants a little and he was holding out Tony’s jacket. Tony turned to allow him to slide it over his shoulders, smoothing it with his hands before encouraging Tony to turn.

He took Tony’s tie again and fixed it - loosening and then tying a proper and more controlled knot, and when that was finished he ran his hands down Tony’s shirt in a touch that fixed nothing but made them both feel better all the same. “You look wonderful, Anthony.”

Tony kissed him; it was the only response he could think of, and Loki kissed him back. It was slow and soft and devoid of all lust, but filled with an emotion that controlled their hearts and linked them tightly together. When they parted, Loki told him quietly, “I’ll take care of things here. Enjoy the wedding, enjoy the time with your friends. I will see you again soon.”

Tony kissed him again one more time, fast and hard. “See you soon.”

He forced himself to break their hold after that and moved towards the door without looking back. He opened and shut it behind him and took only a moment before he was hurrying towards the elevator. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and asked his AI, “Keep him safe, JARVIS.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Tony let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding as he let the elevator shut on him. _Here it is: the final curtain, the end of the act._

 _Fuck_ , he though, his mind flicking through the faces he’d have to say goodbye to, with JARVIS the only one knowing what was in store. _This is going to be hard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuuuuup, we got ~sexual again. Don't. Even. Ask. I think my friend's muse decided to walk over and hang around me for a while. I mean, granted, these boys definitely need the sexytimes as much as the romantic ones, but I wrote a lot in a short period. It's odd. Still! Hopefully you don't mind ;)
> 
> (And as a dear commenter has been asking about it since Fractals; Tony found out what Loki said in Russian! Hehe. I hope you liked the scene/it was what you wanted! XD)


	10. Post Fractals Accompaniment 2: Tony makes preparations for the big day - Pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were a lot of things Tony was going to feel horrible about come tomorrow. There were a lot of things he was going to wish he didn't have to do. But he was never going to regret attending his best friend's wedding and he was _always_ going to do what he had to in order to have Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo. You may have noticed that this has a "final amount" of chapters now. Well I can say with some certainty that it's accurate (let's go with say, 90%) I am still writing the final parts. So assuming they don't gets so long that they split into two, that is looking like the correct amount of updates left in this universe. Slowly but surely, we're coming close to the end. Awwh. :'(
> 
> I hope you continue to like the journey with me!

The wedding was beautiful. It was a small ceremony in a tiny little church outside of the city. Tony had felt a flare of panic when he’d found _Peggy Carter_ walking inside. He hadn’t even registered her formal wear he’d been so busy threatening her with, “ _If you ruin this for them, I will make sure no one finds your corpse_.”

Agent Carter had rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, dragging him back up to his designated spot. “Calm down, Stark,” she’d told him. “Do you think I plan on letting one of my oldest friends get married without me present? S.H.I.E.L.D. can suck the barrel of my gun before they make me miss this.”

Tony didn’t mind admitting he’d been shocked. “You’d say that in a _church?_ ”

She’d grinned, wide, feral, and as if she didn’t have to fear God because any omnipotent presence that might be watching was already long converted to sit on _her_ side. “Don’t underestimate me, Stark. I’ll only end up breaking your heart.”

The agent had let him go after that and had socialised with the six other people that were present. It turned out Barnes and Rogers had some army buddies from some howling unit that knew all about them and were easy to swear to secrecy. Carter knew them too, if the hugs and kisses were anything to go by. Tony had snuck into Barnes' dressing room to ask him, “Am I the only person here who doesn’t have a gun fetish? Should I be concerned?”

Barnes had smirked at him from where he was doing up his bowtie. Tony swallowed thickly and didn’t offer to help, not only was Barnes capable, but he was fairly sure he might have an unnatural attraction to neckwear now. _Damn._

“Just don’t mouth off to the wrong person, and you’ll be fine.”

Tony had planned to argue when he paused and tilted his head. It took him all of three seconds to work it out. “Howard bought you suits too, didn’t he?”

“There was a fifteen minute argument between Steve and him about accepting something. Personally, I was more concerned about where he got our measurements, but I think Howard ended up using ‘ _if I can’t be there in person, at least let me do this for you_ ’ and Steve is a sucker for guilt.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why your Dad is so fond of us. Are we his gay pet project?”

Tony gave a half-shrug, but told him honestly, quietly, “More like his son’s best friend.”

Barnes stilled and caught his eyes in the mirror. Tony tried not to let his pain seep out of his pores as they held the contact and Tony continued, knowing he wouldn’t be alone with Barnes again for years, possibly the rest of their lives. He couldn’t tip his hand, but he needed to say _something_.

“You’re my best friend,” he reiterated, “and I’m glad I could be here today. With you. As you marry that waste of space.” Because it wouldn’t be _him_ without at least a minor dig at Rogers... but his smirk faltered. “He’s a good guy, and I like him.” He smiled. “You look good together.”

Barnes had turned to stare at him by the end, looking legitimately shocked, but there was a quirk to the corner of his mouth that said how pleasant that surprise had been, “I’m sorry, but what the fuck happened to my asshole friend, Stark?”

 _He fell in love, and now he has to say goodbye to you_. Tony just grinned and hid that thought way down low, somewhere near the rips forming in his chest. “Blame this asshole gay agent; he dragged me to a rainbow wedding. It’s like an infectious disease ward; I’m coming down with _feelings_.”

Barnes laughed and reached out for him, dragging him forward despite Tony squawking and whining his disapproval as Barnes pulled him into a hug. The second their chests connected however, Tony’s arms were reaching out and clinging to his friend tightly. Barnes tensed for a moment, obviously not expecting the sudden acceptance, but he quickly hugged Tony back.

“You’re my best friend too.” Barnes told him quietly. “I know things have been a bit... well, they _were_ a bit tense.” Tony stiffened; he couldn’t stop himself, hearing the words that weren’t being said: _when you were with Loki_. “But it didn’t mean we were done.” Barnes assured him. “Even when I could have fucking _killed_ you, when I _wanted_ to punch you, and told myself I could never trust you again-”

“Barnes-”

“Shut the _fuck up_ ,” Barnes interrupted with a grin in his voice, “and let this _gay man_ go soft on you.”

It physically hurt to say nothing when he hadn’t been stopping Barnes from the emotions he was displaying, but rather, he’d been stopping him from the _words_. The things that were meant to show Tony the strength of their friendship when all they were doing was showing the success of his lies and the pain he was going to inflict on Barnes no matter which way he turned.

“If you say _‘I don’t know how to quit you’_ ,” Tony told him, hoping to shatter the moment with humour, hoping to do something to stop him feeling like the worst person in the universe for choosing his love of Loki over his love of Barnes. “I think you might have a wedding to call off.”

Barnes half-punched, half-slapped his arm, which was probably the only reason it hadn’t been _bruised_. Damn metal-fisted freak of strength. “I _know_ how to quit you,” Barnes told him, pulling back to grin, wide and unrepentant. “I just don’t _want_ to.” His eyes became softer. “I _choose_ not to.” He let that beautiful, _painful_ sentiment of friendship linger in the air for a moment before adding, “Which probably means I need a psych eval or a fucking detox but-”

This time it was Tony’s turn to punch him, or, well, he tried. He aimed for the meaty part of the shoulder and chest, but Barnes caught his attack with a wild grin and a firm palm. “No bruises on my wedding day,” he told him, “Steve will actually kill me, and he’d have stripped me, so I won’t have a shit tonne of a chance.”

Tony scoffed. “You could beat _Odinson_ naked and with a cotton ball. I know your resume; I’ve _seen_ the videos. Rogers has no chance.”

Barnes smirked. “You don’t know Steve as well as you think you do if you think I can wipe the floor with him _easily_.”

“You don’t know _yourself_ if you don’t use that ass of yours to gain an advantage. Shake it a little in the right direction and you probably won’t _mind_ being pinned to the floor.”

Laughing, Barnes let his hand go. “Have _you_ been fucked on a floor recently? You better have something nice to lie on or you’re going to be _regretting_ that move.”

Tony blinked, his mind momentarily derailing as he imagined Loki taking him on the floor. He imagined the other in full combat wear, smirking and pressing him down onto his stomach before raising his ass, opening his pants and... _mmm._

It was three fingers lightly pushing his chest and making him rock that brought Tony back to the present. Barnes had his eyebrows raised. “Got someone in _mind_ for that task?”

Tony swallowed, feeling the ground below him get changed from cement to a minefield. With lava. And sharks. And every other cliché that spoke of _don’t you fuck up now, dipshit_. “1800 Rent a Dick, that’s still legal, right?”

Barnes snorted and rolled his eyes, but when he focused again, there was something analytical. “So it’s a guy then?”

Tony shifted on his feet, half because he couldn’t stop the action and half because he knew serious deflection would only draw Barnes in more. “Maybe. Look. I’ll put a towel down or get him to rub cream into my carpet-burned knees after. That make you feel better?”

“As long as I don’t have to hear you bitching about how the angle wasn’t good enough to get you off-”

“Excuse me?!” Tony exclaimed. “You think I’m letting him get a piece of this?” He gestured at himself. “Without suitable recompose on my part? Do you think I’m not going to make him-”

Barnes held up his hand quickly. “No. Let’s stop right there. I’m picturing you naked, and I’m supposed to be enjoying my wedding day, not looking for a trash bin.” Tony narrowed his eyes, more than ready to make life - or at least the next five minutes - hell for him, before Barnes told him: “Picture me getting blown by Steve.” Tony’s face twisted up so quickly he almost strained a muscle. “Topic closed?”

“ _Very_ closed,” Tony had answered with a dramatic but no less realistic shudder before Barnes had pulled them onto safer topics. Tony had known the conversation about his ‘mystery guy’ wasn’t over, but he’d _also_ known he wouldn’t have to discuss it. Barnes would know about when he got the letter and with it, he’d realise the _goodbye_ that Tony was trying to do.

And as much as he’d tried to stop it, Tony hadn’t been able to keep that knowledge from hanging like a weight around his neck for the entirety of the wedding. Well, he had forgotten about it, briefly, when Barnes and Rogers were saying their vows. When he was grinning so wide and getting a little teary-eyed at the two lovebirds getting their _forever_. There was a good thirty minute period where _nothing_ slipped into his thoughts other than his friend’s happiness.

But it soon disappeared as the reception was moved to one of the howling soldiers’ homes, and Tony was forced to hear the clock in his head start its loud, constant ticking.

Agent Carter had come up to him while they’d been drinking beers in the backyard. She’d changed into a more practical, but no less beautiful dress and ditched her high-heels. “Nice speech, Stark. It’s nice to see that heart of yours out and getting some sunlight.” He’d slanted a look at her, but she looked genuinely pleased. “I thought Barnes was making a mistake picking you. Turns out you actually _were_ the best man.”

Tony had smiled and held out his beer for a toast while complimenting her, “I liked the embarrassing Steve stories.”

She grinned. “He tried to tell me being ‘best man’ wasn’t accurate when I was a woman.”

Tony almost snorted beer. “And he _lived?_ ”

Her smile became softer. “He told me I should be called his ‘best lady’ instead.”

“Huh.” Tony was reluctantly charmed and had a feeling, so was Agent Carter. “That’s kind of sweet, in an ‘old man from the fifties’ sort of way.”

Agent Carter smiled before taking a decent swig of her beer. “Steve doesn’t know how to be anything but a gentleman. He’s sweet as pie and needs a guy like Bucky to inject some reality into his life.” Her lips thinned a little, but not from sadness it was closer to something wistful. “He’s not the boy I dated, but I guess I’m not the girl he loved either. The innocence of youth...” She smirked suddenly and dangerously at Tony. “I think I might eat him alive now.”

Tony laughed. “I have it on good authority,” he told her, “that he’s not as fragile as he appears. But,” Tony shrugged. “I also hear you have to go through a hell of a fighter to get near him nowadays. Like, I’d recommend aborting that mission before taking him on. _But_ ,” he added with an air of the conspirator, “Jane Foster’s got a great number for a _service_ , if you know what I mean.”

Agent Carted laughed, her voice was loud and sharp but somehow delightfully feminine. “You’re an ass, Stark,” she said, “but you’re still better than I expected.” She clinked her glass against the lax and surprised grip he had on his own. “Enjoy the party, best man.”

“Uh, you too?” He stumbled out even as she walked away to go join one of the soldier’s wives and the group of children she was trying and failing to keep control over.

He really hadn’t had a lot to do with Agent Carter outside S.H.I.E.L.D., and while he wasn’t regretting it, a part of him was going to miss having the chance. She’d always been the kind of woman who took no prisoners and had a record a mile wide of subduing a fleeing suspect with the _most_ bruises possible while using the _weirdest_ damn implements. He used to pull up the medicals just to try and figure out what she’d used this time. He was glad Rogers _and_ Barnes would have her as a support when he left, not only as a another member of S.H.I.E.L.D. who knew they were married, but as a friend who would have their backs.

It was as he was contemplating that thought - contemplating sending _her_ an email to try and explain - that, the grooms arrived to a loud cheer and the swarming of the small crowd. Tony had stayed back and to the side, watching the men practically _glow_ as they held hands and accepted more well-wishes.

Tony had waited until the group had dispersed and the newlyweds had beers before he came over to them. “Did you fit a quickie in before the super secret photo session?” He tilted his head. “Or _was_ the super secret photo session for-”

“ _Stark_ ,” Rogers groaned, and Tony grinned before holding out his drink for a toast.

Rogers raised his eyebrows and looked vaguely offended before he shoved the hand with his drink aside and pulled Tony into a hug. He flailed a little but Rogers’ bicep was almost as big as his head so he eventually acquiesced and awkwardly patted the other’s back. When he let Tony pull back, he was grinning widely, and Barnes was pressing his lips together in contained amusement.

“We’re family now, you know,” Rogers told him seriously. “You’re Bucky’s best friend, and if you ever, _ever_ need anything and you can’t get him, you can come to me. I know you think I won’t ever break a rule that I’m S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Little Pet.”

“I never-” Tony tried to argue, but the matching unimpressed looks made him amend: “Recently, not _recently_.”

“Either way, I’m _not_ ,” Rogers told him fiercely, lowering his voice but not taking his gaze of Tony. “If you need something, you can come to me.”

Tony barked out a nervous laugh, feeling his stomach twist with guilt-ridden snakes. “Telling me you’ll clean up a murder for me?”

Rogers snorted. “I have every faith _you_ could get away with that.” He shrugged and grinned. “I’m offering to move the body. You could use some help with the heavy-lifting.”

“Oi!”

Barnes was pulling him into a laughing hug before he could snipe at Rogers. He even _smacked his cheek in a kiss_. Tony was violently shoving him away amid both agents laughing. “He likes you, Stark, and I come with accessories now. Learn to live with it.”

Wiping his cheek free of Barnes’ slobber, he glared at the men for a few moments before he let it slide off his face to be replaced with a small smile. “Friends like you,” he told them seriously, watching Rogers look surprised and Barnes fond. “I don’t get them often. Steve, Bucky... you deserve each other, because you both deserve the best.” He took a step back and raised his glass at them in a silent toast. “I wish you both nothing but happiness. So take care, yeah?”

“We’re not going to get our cover blown,” Barnes told him carefully. “But thanks, Stark.” He linked hands with Rogers and looked at him with hearts for eyes. “And even if we did. The CIA would take me and the FBI would take him. We’d find a way to get around whatever might happen.”

“But what you said, here and during your toast,” Rogers interjected, “it means a lot to both of us. Thank you.”

Tony was smiling, but it felt painted on. “You’re welcome.” He stepped back and gestured at the party. “Now go socialise. _I’m_ not the centre of this party, you know.”

“Really?” Barnes drawled even as they started walking towards some of the other guests. Barnes had to throw the last of his comment over his shoulder. “I thought everything was about you?”

“I’m feeling generous. I’m giving you today,” Tony shot back, but Barnes was drawn into the next conversation and didn’t reply.

He probably thought he could pick it up again in a few days when they were back at work. He didn’t know Tony was already glancing at his watch and calculating how many people had already left. The ceremony and the reception weren’t like a normal wedding for obvious reasons. Rogers and Barnes weren’t even having a honeymoon; they were just having a weekend off to ‘catch up with their old army buddies’. The soldiers were even going along with it, driving up to some cabin in the woods. The soldiers, however, were going to be hiking into the wilderness and giving the lovebirds the place to themselves.

They came back on Monday and were out of range for any kind of internet or phone connection. It was the best head start Tony and Loki were going to get and he hated that it would make Barnes feel guilty, but he also knew the other was far too practical to let it spoil the memory of his honeymoon weekend. Howard had already donated his more romantic getaway anyway. It wouldn’t hurt their relationship or their marriage; it would only hurt their friendship.

Tony figured it was already going to be destroyed by his actions anyway.

He still stayed for another hour, speaking with Barnes and Rogers again and hugging them goodbye before he left. They thought he was heading for home, but after ditching his car and picking up the tinted, subtle, _unconnected_ one that Loki had left for him, he was heading in another direction. He was heading for an airstrip.

Tony’s hands were sweating on the steering wheel as he spoke, “JARVIS?”

His AI took a moment to respond from his phone, sounding subdued and miserable, “Sir?”

Tony’s face twisted, and his voice came out slightly choked, “Don’t sound like that, J. You’ve always said I was the biggest pain in the ass. Howard will be much better.”

“No, sir,” JARVIS told him, “All others shall do is pale.”

Tony had to blink back moisture and swallow a few times. “J... J, you know why I have to do this.”

“I do, sir,” his AI answered, his speech pattern crackling in a way it never did, and if Tony thought of that as JARVIS _crying_ , then he was done. He’d need to pull the car over, “But I will miss you, Mr Stark. There is no one I would rather serve, then you, sir.”

“You never _served_ me,” Tony hissed out. “You, you fucking _helped_ me. You were - you _are_ my friend. You’re the best thing I ever did, and you’re _more_ than what I did. You’re your own code, J. You’re going to knock the world dead; you don’t need some limpet like me holding you back.”

There was more crackling, but Tony politely didn’t check for a signal and simply pretended it was low. “It has been an honour, Mr Stark.”

“Come on, J.” Tony gave a watery smile. “You know my friends call me Tony.”

There was dead silence before JARVIS quietly told him, “Thank you, Tony.”

Tony didn’t sob; it was the car fucking _backfiring_ , okay? He reached for his phone and fumbled with it, his other hand a death-grip on the steering-wheel. “Take care of everyone, JARVIS. I trust you to keep my family safe.”

“I will, Sir.”

Tony smiled at the wide-stretch of road and traffic in front of him, letting the pain wash over him and fill his voice as he told his other best friend. “Goodbye, J.”

“Goodbye, Tony.”

Switching the phone to his other hand, he gritted his teeth and took a few seconds before he made himself throw the phone onto the highway. It was a busy area; it would be crushed in no time and JARVIS would have also followed his wishes and wiped everything from it. Wiped everything from _everywhere._

He had half an hour to go, plenty of time for JARVIS to keep people unaware of what was happening, of whom he was meeting and where he was going. His final ties were cut, his future was before him and the path was free. _Loki_ was waiting, and that was enough to keep him from turning back to the life, the friends, and the family he knew.

Tony kept his mind on that as he drove; he kept his mind on Loki’s nervous face and trembling hands as he offered Tony a constant means of escaping. Fuck, Loki was probably standing on the tarmac, or sitting in the plane, _waiting_ to take the flight alone. Holding his burner phone in a death grip and praying it wouldn’t get a message - but accepting it even if it did.

 _Fuck_ , the thought made Tony’s heart clench with pain. He could imagine Loki’s defeated, broken face as he called off the flight, called off the escape, and slid back into Chicago so that he could be close to Tony, but probably expect he’d never _have_ him.

 _Well that’s not going to fucking happen_ , he privately swore and had to resist putting his foot down hard on the accelerator. He couldn’t bring attention to himself, but fuck, he just wanted to hold his over-dramatic, pessimistic _former criminal_ of a soon-to-be lover until he started to believe that Tony was sticking around.

Keeping that thought in mind, it made the last ten minutes easier to handle, it made him think about _why_ he was doing what he was and _not_ about who he was leaving behind. When he arrived at the private airstrip, it was to find that same driver Loki always had standing guard outside the plane. The door of the plane was open as if welcoming Tony to join the man he knew was waiting inside.

It was with a bitterly fond smile that Tony recognised why Loki wasn’t waiting for him: _easier to wait when you don’t have to watch someone **not** show up_. It was their dinner all over again, and Tony climbed out quickly, his eyes locked on that plane.

“Mr Laufeyson is inside,” the driver told him while coming over. _Speaking_ to him for the first time, and it made Tony blink. Tony was struck to see a small _smile_ on the man’s face, like he was personally relieved and happy to see Tony had arrived. “He won’t wish to be kept waiting.”

Tony grinned and laughed a little before stepping to the side and letting the driver take the car. He would drive it somewhere, change the plates, dismantle it - fuck, he’d do whatever Loki told him to do before ceasing his employment. He would be gaining a large payout too, if Loki’s allusions were anything to go by, because the man had been loyal, and Loki rewarded people who were.

“Thanks,” Tony told him genuinely, and not knowing what else to add to that, he just nodded at the guy before making his way over to the plane.

He climbed the steps carefully and quietly, not wanting to startle Loki. When he reached the doorway, the image almost broke his heart. Loki was facing away from him, but Tony could see that he’d removed his cufflinks and was playing with them. He could only see part of Loki’s face, but he looked... God, he looked _bleak_. Tony couldn’t fucking stand it, and he softly called, “Hey, Loki.”

Loki froze and clenched his hand around the cufflinks before snapping his head to look at Tony. He took all of a second to take Tony in before he stood up and was rushing over, pulling Tony into a desperate kiss that Tony responded to just as fiercely. _You came_ ; it was pressed into his skin with every touch. Loki’s lips and fingers were telling him without words how worried he’d been, and how grateful he now was.

The second they broke apart, Tony forced the words out with the little air he had left, “I love you.” He sucked in a breath and told him again. “I love you. I told you I’d be here.”

“I know.” Loki kissed his forehead and his temple before pulling him away from the door, his hand coming down to link with Tony’s as he led him to their seats by walking backwards. “But belief is so much harder,” he continued sitting them down and pressing his lips to Tony’s temple as he placed him beside the wall of the plane. It was as if he wanted him as far away from an exit as possible. “Without you here to show me.”

Tony closed his eyes and leant in close. Their bodies were almost curved together, separated only by an armrest that Loki hurriedly moved out of the way before pulling Tony against him, wrapping his arms around him and holding tightly. Tony leant against him and closed his eyes, his fingers digging into Loki’s shirt as his inner turmoil got soothed just by feeling the all-consuming affection and dedication - _love_ \- Loki had for him.

“I’m here now.” He turned and kissed Loki’s neck. “Let’s get out of here.” He grinned slightly. “Let’s go _home_.”

Loki’s breath came out of him in a full body shudder, and the vice around Tony’s heart began to fall away, piece by piece.

 _I’m sorry guys_ , he silently whispered to everyone he was leaving while holding onto man beside him, _but this is where I belong, and I can’t give him up again._

He’d found the love of his life, and he couldn’t let him go.

Tony just hoped they could learn to understand that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.
> 
> They got together. After a bucketload of painful goodbyes, they're now ~~eloping~~ leaving together! Isn't that nice? :3


	11. Post Fractals Accompaniment 3: Tony and Loki arrive at their new home - Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seemed to take forever, but they were finally here - they had finally done it. Loki and Tony were out of Chicago and at their new house. At their new _home_.

The journey to the house Loki had set up took almost two days with only hastily caught naps in the middle of their multiple different transportations. A lot of that was because of Loki’s paranoia and insistent need to produce multiple false leads and to _make sure_ no one could find them. Tony had made a flippant comment of, “ _well, you are the uncatchable criminal_ ” when he’d been tired and cranky. The words had made Loki’s face fall so fast and so hard that no mask could have ever hidden it. Tony had been shocked at how much that comment seemed to have _hurt_ him. Tony had kissed Loki a second later and didn’t stop until he’d relaxed again.

Tony had still noticed that his movements were slightly stilted for a good few hours. Tony knew it was an issue they were going to _need_ to talk about, but he also knew now wasn’t the right time. Tony hadn’t complained about it again after that; he’d just kept touching and kissing Loki until he finally lost that tension to his shoulders.

Tony was grateful Loki was taking such care to protect them, but it was a long journey, and it was _damn_ nice to reach the house Loki had found for them and know they were _done_. No more running, no more hiding, no more darting from plane to car to plane to _whatever_. It was nice to be _home_.

He’d never laid eyes on the place before, but that’s what it was: his and Loki’s, and that was all he needed.

Tony still liked what he saw.

It wasn’t as isolated as the safe house had been as the neighbours were still visible on either side, but they were on a large property surrounded by greenery and with mountains in the distance. Loki had placed them in Idaho, and while Tony didn’t exactly know _where_ , he knew that Loki would explain it all to him soon enough.

The house was big, way bigger than two people needed, but both of them liked their luxury, so Tony wasn’t complaining.

“What do you think?” Loki asked him quietly, breaking his contemplation and searching carefully for his approval.

Tony smiled without looking away from the house - _their_ house. “It’s perfect.” He turned to the other man. “ _You’re_ perfect, come here.” He pulled Loki towards him and into a kiss, wrapping his arm around Loki’s neck and feeling the other’s arms curl around his waist as they languidly embraced. When they pulled back, Tony told him, “Have you been in the place yet?”

Loki shook his head. “No. I didn’t want to risk coming here.”

“Oh great,” Tony teased. “It’ll have woodworm, won’t it? And a hole in the ceiling, and-”

Loki kissed him quick and firm as a means of shutting him up. Tony was still grinning when Loki pulled back. “I would _not_ have allowed that,” he assured Tony with a faint smirk. “It has been thoroughly inspected and _will_ live up to our standards.”

“Oh?” Tony raised his eyebrows. “I’m a Stark, babe. Those standards are pretty high.” His eyes twinkled. “Do I get something if you’re wrong?”

Loki’s eyes drifted over Tony, gaining the beginnings of desire. “Perhaps that may be arranged...” his voice trailed off, giving the words a whole new level of possibility as he lightly cupped Tony’s cheek. “What would _you_ have in mind, Anthony?”

Tony was sorely tempted to go down that path, to list all kinds of intimacies they could bargain over, but he held himself back. He didn’t want games for their first night together; the weird and wonderful world of sexual deviance could come later when they _knew_ each other better. Tony just wanted something as simple as... “Make me dinner.” Loki blinked with surprise. “If there’s something wrong, you make me dinner while I relax.” Tony just grinned. “If you’re right, and there _is_ nothing wrong,” something that Tony had complete faith in, “then we make dinner _together_. Sound fair?”

Loki stroked his cheek, his eyes alight with pleasure. “Hmm, I suppose. I will just have to hope I’m right then.”

Chuckling, Tony pulled away but caught Loki’s hand to drag him along too. “Come on, let’s go have a look inside. The boxes are delivered, yeah?”

“They should be in the foyer and adjoining rooms, yes.” Loki agreed, allowing himself to be pulled. Reaching the front door, Tony had to wait for Loki to get the keys out of his pocket and unlock it. He stood back slightly to eye the double-storey abode. It would take a while to make it theirs, but Tony had every confidence they’d manage it.

Turning his attention back to Loki, he had a sudden thought and chuckled, making the other pause with the door barely cracked open. “Oh? What has amused you?”

He gestured at them. “I’m in a tuxedo, and you’re in a suit. I feel like _we_ just got married.” And he felt a brief, distressed pang at wondering if Barnes and Rogers had found out yet, but he forcibly dismissed it. “I feel like a bride that needs to be hoisted over the threshold.” The words were barely out of his mouth before he saw something dangerously contemplative enter Loki’s eyes. Tony held up his hands. “Oh, no, don’t you even-”

But Loki was like a snake, quick and fast and also _strong_. Tony barely had time to squeak, flail, and lose his balance as Loki disrupted his feet and swung him into his arms _bridal style_. He grabbed onto Loki merely to keep them from falling on their asses and getting gravel burn. “ _Loki!_ ”

The other was just laughing before he kissed his jaw and requested, “Indulge me, my love.”

_Damn_ , Tony thought, giving in instantly at hearing those words. Loki had always asked him for that with pain in the past and the certainty of refusal. _This_ was the first time he had asked around a laugh and with too much hope for Tony’s acquiescence. Tony was helpless to resist. He relaxed into the other’s ridiculous idea and let Loki _carry him over the bloody threshold_.

“You are such a hopeless romantic,” Tony informed him.

“Yes,” Loki agreed without argument, hardly looking at the house when he could be looking at Tony. “For you, I believe I am.”

He stopped them just inside and let Tony down, but he barely let his feet hit the floor before he was curling into Loki and using the arms around Loki’s neck to pull him into another slow kiss. It lasted a long time, and when they pulled back, it was with a slow parting where Tony could feel every inch of their lips disconnecting. He held his eyes closed for a long moment before opening them and looking into Loki’s _happy_ green ones.

“I love you,” he told Loki simply, because he could, and he felt it, and he _wanted_ to.

“And I love you,” Loki recited back, drawing him closer until Tony slid his arms down to Loki’s shoulders and they were hugging in the foyer of _their home_. Loki seemed to have a similar realisation as Tony _felt_ his hold get tighter, _stiffer_ , as if he feared that Tony would suddenly vanish if he didn’t hang on strong enough.

“Hey,” Tony whispered quietly, shifting his face so he could nuzzle Loki’s neck slightly. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Loki let out a rough exhale but didn’t comment, his nose pressed into Tony’s hair at a spot he seemed oddly fond of. Tony still didn’t like that silence so he pressed a soft kiss to Loki’s skin. “I’m _not_ going anywhere, Loki.” He told him again. “I made this choice, and I don’t regret it.”

Loki chuckled, but it was a painful sound. “Yes. I know you did.”

“Then why are you-”

“I spent our entire courtship,” Loki told him quietly, “believing you would never choose me, believing you would only ever choose me in loneliness or anger. I spent our entire courtship knowing you may not even _consider_ it a courtship. I...” his hands spasmed slightly, and he swallowed loud enough to hear. “I dreamed about this, I _fantasised_ about a home shared together, but even those wishes never ended well for me. They were always imagined with the bitter knowledge of their implausibility.”

“Oh, _Loki_ ,” Tony whispered, and he tried to pull back so that he could kiss Loki’s pained memories away, but Loki’s hand found the back of his head and held him where he was. “Loki-”

“You picked _me_ ,” Loki whispered harshly. “I can’t just fathom this overnight. I can’t... you just, _please_ understand, Anthony. You still feel fragile in my hands and I... I know you want me to believe, to accept, to _be confident_ in your returned affections, but I... I can’t do that yet.” His fingers dug into Anthony’s hair. “I _will_ be the man you want me to, but not-”

“Woah!” And Anthony forced himself free of Loki’s hold so he could catch and hold Loki’s gaze. It wasn’t easy with Loki staring at the floor, but Tony cupped his cheeks and held his face firm, refusing to speak until Loki’s darting eyes finally dared to look at him. “You don’t need to be _anything_ but who you are, okay? I’m in love with _you_. That means the guy who wouldn’t make a move until I was comfortable; it means the badass brain that can plan terrifyingly competent escape plans.” He swallowed. “It also means I love the criminal who has a bodycount a mile long.” Loki very nearly wrenched out of his grip when he said that, but Tony was prepared for it and held him there. “I love the guy who gave that _up_ because he didn’t want to be that man anymore. I love the handsome face and sexy body you’ve got. I _also_ love the guy you’re going to be when you’re confident in us: the guy who’s going to pin me to walls and tease me about his hacking and _bomb making skills_.” Tony licked his lips and told him. “You don’t just come as a guy without a past, and I’m not going to ignore who you used to be.” He leant forward and kissed Loki’s unhappy mouth. “I’m also not going to tell you to get over your worry that I’m going to run away again. You doubt your good fortune, okay, I get that, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to prove you _completely_ wrong about it.”

It took a bit, but watching Loki’s frown turn into a soft smile as his eyes lightened would _never_ stop making Tony’s chest flare with warmth. He sighed with light-hearted defeat. “I suppose I shall have to let you prove me wrong then.”

Tony kissed him again for good measure. “You betcha.”

Loki let out a huff of laughter before pulling away. He brought their hands together and linked them, raising them so that he could kiss the knuckles of Tony’s hand and then further down. “Come on, we have a house to explore.”

Tony smiled and let his attention drift from Loki. He took in the boxes littering the foyer before he was guided through the house, being filled in on the information Loki had gained and discussed with the agent as they went. The house was a few decades old but had been renovated to have a more modern, open decor. It had numerous rooms, allowing them to have a study and workspace each as well as a living area they could both occupy. There was even a spare and a guest room, although Tony had no idea who Loki thought they might invite. He _did_ notice some of the furniture from the safehouse, Loki’s apartment, and his own had made its way to their new home, and he had to smile at that. He jokingly asked Loki if there were any guns sewn into the lining of his furniture.

He wasn’t even surprised when Loki shifted awkwardly and muttered something about _backup plans_ and _keeping you safe_ until Tony had been forced to pick up and kiss _his_ hand. The bedroom had Loki’s bed already set up but missing linens. Tony hadn’t been able to stop smirking at the specific instructions Loki must have given about _that_ being ready for when they arrived.

There were also two duffle bags on the floor which had clothing for each of them as well as a small suitcase that Loki explained had the more immediate bathroom amenities. Tony was already craving a shower; he still had gel in his hair from the wedding, not to mention travel grime.

But he left it alone for now as they toured the rest of their home, ending up in the kitchen which had a cardboard box on the counter that Loki opened. It was full of cookbooks and Tony happily dived into them, feeling a thrill at touching some of the ones they’d had in the safehouse. “Do we have anything to cook with?”

“It’s early,” Loki answered with a shrug, “I’m sure we could purchase something.”

“I hope you mean purchase _in_ ,” Tony told him. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I want a shower, coffee, cooking, and eating dinner with you - in that order.”

Loki laughed at him before reaching out and running fingers through his hair. “Yes, you are rather filthy.”

Scowling, Tony pulled away. “Just for that, _I’m_ showering first. _You_ can order the food.”

Loki licked his lips before blurting out, “We could shower _together_.”

Tony felt his body flare with the _possibilities_ laden in that idea, and fuck, he wanted to explore them but... _I want our first time together to be something... romantic_. Because he knew if they started now, they weren’t going to stop. He just didn’t know how to _say_ that. “I...”

“No, it’s logical,” Loki was quickly dismissing, turning away and reaching in to pick out a cookbook. “You’re right. Go shower. I’ll find somewhere to order groceries from. A towel will be in that suitcase that I pointed-”

“Loki,” Tony caught the other man’s wrist. “Look, when I hesitated, I-”

“Anthony, it’s fine,” Loki interrupted, his voice full of finality as well as a warning for Tony not to push it. He automatically wanted to fight that kind of order, but he barely got his mouth open when Loki was looking back at him. “Please,” Loki quietly asked him, “go shower.”

It was _that face_ ; that sadly requesting look that always broke Tony’s resolve upon seeing it. He still stepped close and kissed Loki. “It’s not what you think,” he promised against Loki’s mouth, “it’s really not.” He pulled back. “It’s just-”

- _I want to have something special first._

But Loki kissed him, cut him off, and cupped his cheek, licking his lip and sliding their tongues together in a beautiful caress that made Tony grip Loki’s shirt and lean into him. Loki broke them apart before kissing his cheek. “Go shower. I’ll have mine after you’re done.”

Tony sighed but didn’t try to fight Loki’s order. He kissed him one more time before breaking away and heading towards their bedroom. He ran a hand over his face and up into his hair, grimacing at the hard, greasy feeling of the gel. _It’s okay_ , he told himself, _Loki will know how much you **do** want him tonight._

_Besides_ , and the thought made him smirk deviously, _I can surprise him with that shower fantasy later._

Walking into the bedroom, he eyed the bed with a smile, remembering the one time they’d had together in it and looking forward to making it _many more_. He looked forward to wrecking the sheets and scratching the wooden headboard. He looked forward to _everything_ they were going to do in that bed, starting with tonight.

But first, they had to get there.

Taking the last steps to the suitcase and his own duffel, he opened them and pulled out all the needed supplies, nearly laughing when a hunt into one of the zipped pockets of the suitcase found the hidden packet of condoms and the small tube of lube. Grinning, he dropped them on the bed before taking his collection of supplies and a towel into the bathroom.

When he laid them all out on the basin, he grinned to notice they were all Loki’s brand. He wondered if the other was going to enjoy that, enjoy Tony _smelling_ like him. The thought gave him a wicked idea, and he hoped he could find some of Loki’s cologne in the suitcase later.

Stripping down quickly, he hesitated before leaving the door slightly ajar. He didn’t think Loki would come near the bedroom while he was showering, but he didn’t want Loki to get any more ideas about what Tony was and _wasn’t_ up for by reading into a closed door.

A part of him, a _small_ part of him, was hoping Loki showed up and threw Tony’s plans about the shower out the window. Stepping inside showed how _spacious_ the shower was, and it was going to be _perfect_ when they christened it in the coming days. He was already planning to install a couple of hand-holds to make it even _better_ , but he quickly had to stop thinking about that if he wanted to make tonight _really_ special.

Tony had a plan, and that plan was spending the first night in their house having sex with Loki on that bed.

Closing his eyes on the image, he tilted his head under the spray and let the warm water pound down over him. The adrenaline of getting here had kept him awake, and the shower was doing a good job at helping revitalise him, but it had been forty-eight hours of travelling with only a few hours of sleep here and there. 

They were both going to need to rest soon.

_Food, sex, sleep_ , he decided before focusing on scrubbing himself over with Loki’s bodywash, shampoo, and conditioner.

When he was finished, he was pissed off to find himself _yawning_ as he towelled himself dry and pulled on clothes. He slipped out of the bathroom only to still at finding Loki making the bed. He was just finishing putting on a pillowcase when he looked up and smiled gently. “Anthony, how do you feel?”

“Erm,” Tony looked around, noticing the condoms and lube had been hidden again and the suitcase and duffel were back on the floor. “Good?”

He didn’t quite manage to fight off his yawn and was kicking himself for it. Loki just chuckled before putting down the pillow. “I thought you could use some sleep.”

“I don’t-”

“Yes, you do,” Loki informed him, coming around the bed and pressing a kiss to his shower-reddened cheek. “And so will I once I have my shower.”

Tony glanced at the bed, his muscles longingly aching for it. “Sleep and then dinner?”

Loki kissed his forehead. “I’ll wake you when I’ve made-”

“Uh, uh,” Tony argued. “You’re sleeping with me. You’re exhausted, and I want a boyfriend to hug.”

The word slipped out before he’d even thought about it, and his heart flipped at the gesture; the expression on Loki’s face said that his had done a similar feat of acrobatics. Loki was quick to agree after that. “Alright.” He kissed Tony’s temple, unable to get enough of being able to constantly reach out and touch him, it seemed. Not that Tony was complaining. “I won’t be long.”

He seemed to pull back reluctantly before going to his duffel and pulling out pants. He brushed Tony’s arm when he walked by and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and making Tony’s body twist with sudden arousal, knowing the other man was going to be _naked_ behind that door.

_Later. You have a whole lifetime to take advantage of that. Not falling asleep halfway through your first time with him would be a better thing to do._

Rubbing a hand over his face, Tony heard the shower start as he slipped onto the bed and under the covers. He let his head rest on the pillow and told himself he’d only close his eyes until Loki finished. He told himself that and a few other things he wasn’t clear on before he was startled _awake_ at feeling movement on the mattress. He opened his eyes to find Loki’s sliding onto the other side of the bed, freshly showered, shirtless, and smelling lovely.

Tony barely allowed him to get comfortable before he was wiggling his way over and wrapping his arms around Loki’s waist, burying his nose in the other’s neck. He felt Loki’s body rumble with a chuckle as he closed his eyes and got settled.

“Content now, are you?” Loki teased him.

“Happy,” Tony corrected him, barely noticing Loki’s body go tense.

Loki’s voice was soft as he questioned, “Pardon?” when he didn’t respond straight away; Loki stroked his back before his fingers moved into Tony’s hair. “Anthony, what was that?”

He was on the verge of sleep, but there was an urgency to Loki’s voice that he couldn’t deny, and he sleepily breathed out, “‘m, happy now.”

Tony felt the body beneath him relax, practically melting into the bed as arms came around him in a warm, enclosing hug. “So am I, _Käresta._ So am I.”

He didn’t know if Loki said anything more as the soft bedding, the hold of his boyfriend, and the tiredness of the last few days events all wrapped around Tony’s mind and lulled him off and into a peaceful, comforting sleep.

* * *

When Tony woke up again, it was to find the bed empty, but the smell of food wafting through the house. He poked his head up, probably looking like some bedraggled animal, but his stomach was rumbling, and he didn’t give a crap about the state of his hair when it meant he could stumble out of bed and follow his nose.

The lights were on in the hallway while the room was dark. They didn’t have a clock plugged in yet, so he didn’t know what time it was, but _evening_ was a good bet as he made his way into the kitchen with bare feet. Loki had his back to him and hadn’t bothered with shoes either, he had put on a shirt though, and his hair was far more maintained. He was also humming under his breath.

Tony got a sudden idea and couldn’t resist it. He made his way over and gently slid his arms around Loki’s waist while pressing his cheek against the material covering the other’s shoulder blades. Loki stilled initially before relaxing against him.

“ _Anthony_ ,” he sounded pleasantly surprised by the greeting. “How do you feel?”

“Better,” Tony answered around a yawn. “How long we sleep?”

“ _You_ slept for six hours,” Loki told him, “I managed five.” He stirred whatever was cooking in the pan in front of him. “Dinner is almost ready; I would have woken you soon.”

Tony hummed and closed his eyes, feeling Loki’s back rise and fall with his breaths. He felt thoroughly content to not budge anytime soon. Loki, unfortunately, had other plans.

“I do need to move,” Loki told him, sounding amused. “I’ve set up a coffee maker if you’d like to make yourself something to drink.”

Tony groaned and buried his face directly in Loki’s back while hugging him tighter. “Don’t wanna go.”

“Would you prefer burnt meat?” Loki questioned him, but a hand came down and squeezed his own, his voice coming out softer as he continued, “You know I’m loath to stop this too. But come on, we need a meal. I will happily continue this in a few minutes even, but I need to finish things.”

Tony sighed loudly but let Loki go and stepped away. He flicked his eyes over the kitchen that was still mostly a disaster of unpacked utensils, but he saw the coffee machine plugged in and set up, so he happily made his way over, yawning and rubbing a hand over his mouth as he started turning it on. It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes before Loki was placing a mug and milk on the bench beside him and pulling him close by one arm. Their positions were reversed, but Tony just smiled into it and leant back. “How’s dinner?”

“Complete,” Loki told him before kissing his cheek. “I’ve unpacked a few things and placed them on the table. Finish your coffee, and I will bring the meal over.”

Tony chuckled. “I feel like you’re doing all the work.”

“I am,” Loki agreed, “but you will cook tomorrow night.”

Tony huffed out a laugh. “Giving me orders already, huh?” He shifted slightly so he could look back and catch the other’s gaze. “What _other_ things are you going to make me do? I’m sure you’ll make me _enjoy_ it.”

Loki swallowed thickly, and his eyes flared. Oh, Tony was going to _enjoy_ coaxing that side of Loki out. He wanted to know just what would turn Loki on, what would turn them _both_ on. Tony had a feeling that if Loki put him in god damn women’s underwear, all it would take was one look in those aroused emeralds, and Tony would have a whole new kink to add to the list.

Loki licked his lips, and he looked torn for a moment. Tony was wondering what might have given him that look, what he might be _thinking_ about, but before he could question it, Loki was pulling away and letting him go. His voice was a little rougher as he told him, “We don’t want dinner to go cold.”

Watching Loki walk away, Tony was _more than willing_ to let dinner go cold, but they’d both barely eaten, and his stomach was rumbling.

_After dinner_ , he told himself. _After dinner, I’m making that control of his snap into beautiful little pieces._

He kept that thought in mind as he made his coffee, and Loki brought the dinner over. They ended up sitting down on opposite sides, but instead of talking, they were both hungry enough that they filled their plates and ate in silence. Tony did let his leg slide forward and run against Loki’s. The first time he’d done it, Loki had almost dropped his fork, but in the end, he was responding to the light brushes and giving his own. It remained pretty PG, just soft, stroking touches as they continued to eat.

Loki even gave him one soft caress fairly high on his leg, smiling all the while before _packing up their plates_ and _walking away_. He didn’t seem to have _any_ idea of what was going on in Tony’s head and that - _that_ was kind of exhilarating. Tony finished his coffee, using the mug to hide his smirk before he stood and made his way into the kitchen, his eyes on Loki the entire time. Tony knew he was slightly aroused from the soft touches, and he was curious to see if Loki was too.

He was rinsing the dishes when Tony came up behind him. He placed his mug on the dirty side of the sink before sliding his hands around Loki’s waist, a mirror of how he’d come up to him before. Loki didn’t even still this time. Well, not at first. When Tony started lightly caressing Loki’s stomach, he was quick tofreeze.

“Anthony?” Moving his hand down lower, Tony smiled into Loki’s chest as he cupped that hardening cock. He gave it a soft stroke, making Loki let out a shuddering breath and grip the edge of the sink. “ _Oh_ ,” he said softly when Tony stroked him again. “Like this?” he questioned, sounding more than happy with the outcome as he shifted to give Tony a better angle. Tony though? Oh, he had better plans.

“No,” Tony told him. “I want _this_ ,” and he stroked once more before leaning up on tiptoes to whisper in Loki’s ear, “ _inside me_.”

Loki _moaned_ , the sound was broken and painful, and he actually collapsed forward slightly over the sink as if Tony’s words had knocked the breath from him. Tony could barely blink in reaction though before Loki was turning and cupping his neck and _kissing_ him. His tongue was almost violent in how it claimed his mouth, and it made Tony groan and arch into Loki.

The other man pulled back after a long moment and looked at him, his eyes blown wide with lust and his breath coming erratically. “Once more,” he asked, “tell me once more, and then you _will not_ get another chance to change this request. Once more and _I will have you_ , Anthony.”

Tony’s smile broke slow and wide and _filthy_ across his face. He knew Loki didn’t mean it, that he’d stop no matter what, but that only made it more arousing and Tony all but purred his response, “Yeah, Loki. I want _you_ fucking me. _Now_.”

Loki kissed him with a groan and slid his hands under Tony’s shirt before putting a leg between his and encouraging Tony. It took Tony a moment and Loki’s hands on his hips for the lightbulb to go off. In his defence, he’d been _kissing Loki_ , but he quickly got one leg up and around Loki’s waist before he was being hoisted, wrapped the other leg around Loki too. He was then held up in Loki’s arms, their kiss only breaking as they both got a better hold on the other. 

Loki was looking at him as if he was a dream come true, a mirage he couldn’t believe. He was looking at Tony like he knew this was going to wreak him, but that he was going to enjoy every second of the journey. Tony just bent Loki’s head back by the hair and kissed him, thrusting his tongue into Loki’s mouth and putting an image in both their heads of what was going to come.

They both moaned, and Tony’s erection only hardened.

“ _Fuck me_ , Loki,” he whispered against the other’s mouth, “fuck me hard, make me _feel_ it. I want to be your _lover_ ; I want to feel you in me. So come on, love; make it everything we’ve both been _wanting_.”

Loki whined into his mouth and dug his fingers into Tony’s thighs before he started carrying him to the bedroom. Kissing him every few seconds and barely paying attention to where they were going other than to keep them from knocking into walls.

_I’m going to make you lose your perfect little control_ , Tony promised, _I’m going to make us **scream**._

They’d been waiting for this for _eight fucking months_ ; it was going to be _glorious_ , and it was going to be _worth it_.

Finally, this wasn’t going to be dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, what did we think? ~~*whistles innocently about this being part 'one'~~


	12. Post Fractals Accompaniment 3: Tony and Loki arrive at their new home - Pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki had never quite believed he would have this moment, and yet Anthony was only encouraging him for more. The man of his dreams was asking him to make those fantasies a reality. Could he have really ended up so lucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEX IS NOT MY FORTE. Let me just put that out there nice and bright at the beginning. Because yes, people, there is another ~smutty chapter. Meep. HalcyonFrost has been very helpful and assuring me it's good (a treasure, she is a _treasure_ ). But well... I just hope it's not too terrible and dreadful and that you like it. *hides*

Anthony was wrapped around him, and it was almost too much for Loki to take. He reached the bedroom with Anthony still in his arms, and he was only just keeping himself from shaking as he kissed him again. His chest felt ready to burst open at the _awareness_ of what was about to happen. _God_ , Anthony in his bed, Anthony _underneath him_. He’d wanted it for so long, had been certain it would never come to pass, and yet Anthony had _requested_ it.

_I want to feel you in me. **Fuck me**._

Loki moaned into the other man’s mouth at merely _remembering_ those words.

He would have been content with having Anthony’s lips around him in the shower, at stroking each other off and kissing under the spray. He hadn’t dared to hope for _this_.

 _No, he had dared_. He’d made sure to have condoms and lubricant in a bag that was easily accessible, just in case. When Anthony had rejected his advance for the shower, he’d forgotten about it in the wake of that sting. _He needs time, he’s just left his whole world_ , he’d told himself. When he’d remembered what he’d left in the bag, he’d rushed upstairs, flushing to the roots of his hair at seeing them on the mattress, at _knowing_ Anthony had found them.

He’d also found the door open, and his stomach had twisted with desire at imagining the other soaping himself up a room away. He’d _wanted_ him, so much that it physically hurt to remain apart. His mind had been filled with image after image - working Anthony open and having him fuck back on his fingers as he sucked him off, _fucking Anthony_ in the shower, draping over his back and hearing the other’s breathless whines as his hands pressed to the tiles.

Loki had forced himself to unpack linens and make the bed rather than give in and slip inside the stall with Anthony, to find a way to pleasure him that he would be happy to accept. When Anthony had requested they share a bed together, he’d hurried through his own shower just so that he could curl up around the smaller man, to hold him close and feel like their time together was limitless.

 _I’m happy_ , Anthony had told him, and it had made his heart soar, made him fall asleep with a smile.

... It had made him wake up with an erection pressed against Anthony’s thigh. It was just like the last time they’d shared a bed, only this time, he’d had more control and had forced himself to slide out from under Anthony, giving him no more than a kiss to his hair before he’d gone and made dinner.

He hadn’t expected, hadn’t _anticipated_ what Anthony would present him with: easy embraces, casual flirtations, wandering feet, and a stroking hand. Now Anthony was requesting something he’d coveted for so long: a night with Anthony.

His arousal _throbbed_ at the image, at thousands of fantasies at his fingertips and about to become reality.

He broke the kiss with Anthony to pant and rub the back of the thighs he was helping hold up. They had reached the bedroom, but he merely stared at the flushed face of the other, his lust-blown eyes and kiss-swollen mouth; he was a _vision_ , a depiction of sin and temptation, and he was _Loki’s_.

Loki’s heart felt like it was on fire in his chest, but it was the sweetest burn as he helped Anthony slide back down to his feet. He kissed him again and ran his hands over Anthony’s sides before catching on the hem of his shirt. He started to lift it, still waiting in the back of his mind for rejection, but Anthony just grinned and raised his arms, letting Loki slide it over him and toss it to the floor.

He kissed Anthony hungrily, remembering his visualisation the night in his apartment after their date. He broke their kiss and almost ripped his own shirt off so that he could have that, his mind hissing the words: _our clothes mixed together until you cannot tell them **apart**_.

His hands came back to cup Anthony’s ribs while Anthony’s ran over Loki’s chest and thumbed his nipples. He breathed harshly against the other’s mouth before turning his attention to Anthony’s neck. He caught his ear in his teeth and tugged, earning a hitched breath before he kissed behind it, licking at the skin before sucking it into his mouth. Anthony's neck curved to the side, giving him more room to work as he formed the first of _many_ marks that he planned to leave on the other’s body. He then trailed his mouth down to Anthony’s shoulder and licked over a freckle before mouthing at the spot. 

“ _Loki_ ,” Anthony groaned. His hands coming up to scratch down Loki’s back and making his muscles ripple pleasantly at the feel. “ _Come here_ ,” he urged, pulling them towards the bed.

Loki didn’t try to resist, but he also didn’t let go of Anthony’s skin. When he reached the edge, he felt Anthony rock slightly, but Loki kept them balanced, the momentum that brought Anthony forward did make their pelvises brush delightfully, and they both moaned. Anthony’s fingers just tangled in his hair and pulled him up so that Anthony could kiss him again. Anthony’s tongue twisted around his own and derailed his attention just long enough that Loki didn’t register the smirk in time before Anthony was leaning backwards and forcing them to collapse on the bed.

He broke the kiss and barely kept them from knocking chins, trying to glare at Anthony, but the other was just laughing. Anthony’s face was pinched with such delight that any frustration washed out of Loki. Anthony directed a smile at Loki while shifting up the bed and Loki was quick to follow.

Loki took a moment when he was situated to look down at the man below him. Anthony’s eyes were open and full of trust, full of desire and love for _him_. Loki’s exhale was rough, and he brought his fingers to Anthony’s cheek, stroking them gently. “You are wonderful,” he told Anthony lovingly. “You have always been my happy end,” he confessed, “but one I never thought would ever choose me.”

Anthony cupped his cheek and firmly informed him, “I picked you. I will _always_ pick you.”

 _For now_ , his mind tried to whisper spitefully, but Loki found he could ignore it with Anthony looking at him like _he_ was the centre of the world. He kissed Anthony chastely before pulling back and straddling the other’s hips. His erection was straining his pants, but he didn’t care about that, not with Anthony’s flushed chest below him. He bent down and pressed a kiss to his sternum before moving to caress the spot above his heart.

Anthony sighed and brushed his fingers through Loki’s hair. Smiling against Anthony’s skin, Loki made his way down the body of the man who would soon be his _lover_. It almost made him moan, but he kept it in, kissing Anthony’s stomach and reaching the beginnings of the hair that trailed down to his erection. Loki’s mouth _watered_ , but he swallowed and forced down the urge to take him in his mouth. He pulled back slightly and rubbed the outside of Anthony’s thighs instead as he looked at the straining bulge in Anthony’s sleep pants and the wetspot that was forming.

He couldn’t resist leaning forward and tasting it, he flicked out his tongue before sucking the head through the material. Anthony groaned long and low, his hips twitching slightly against the weight Loki had applied on his hips. He only sucked on it for a few moments, flicking his tongue in a couple of slow, parting strokes before he pulled away and looked up at Anthony.

His eyes were dark and locked on Loki’s, and he was struck momentarily with the knowledge that this was the _first time_ he would see Anthony naked. He licked his lips before looking at the man’s pants, he curved his fingers under the waistband and pulled them down, gaining Anthony’s assistance until Loki was at the end of the bed, the material clenched in one hand as he looked at the beautiful bronze skin of Anthony’s aroused form.

_All mine._

He threw the clothing away before crawling up the bed and pressing his mouth against Anthony’s, forcing his tongue inside so that he could dance it around Anthony’s. Anthony’s hand came to cup his neck and press him even closer. His other hand, his _deviant_ hand rubbed the heel of his palm against Loki’s erection and made his hips stutter wildly as he choked off a moan into Anthony’s mouth. When he pulled back to look at Anthony, he was smirking widely.

“Come on,” Anthony panted, and Loki heard movement on the sheets. He glanced down to see Anthony spreading his legs. “I want that in me.”

Loki shuddered, but gave a quick nod and rolled away from Anthony and off the bed.

He’d placed the condom and lubricant back in the suitcase, not thinking it would be needed tonight. He had to be careful when he bent, his arousal difficult to ignore as he looked through the suitcase. 

“I want to stroke myself,” Anthony purred, and Loki almost fumbled with the lid as he looked over his shoulder, finding Anthony had rolled onto his side and was running a hand up and down his chest, his erection curving up and leaking. “I want to rub one off just looking at you. I could probably get it up again, just because I know that stretch I’ll be feeling will be _you_.” Loki bit his lip to keep his moan contained. “Been a while, I’m going to be tight. You’re gonna have to work me open, your beautiful long fingers slipping in and working me wide.” Anthony moaned, and his cock even twitched. It took Loki making a fist to keep from stroking himself. “Mm. Yeah. Come on, Loki.” Anthony eyes were half-lidded. “I need it, come on. I need you filling me.”

This time Loki _did_ groan as he fumbled with the suitcase and started rummaging around inside it.

“I want you filling me. _God_. Filling me all day. Fucking me in the morning and plugging me up, making me stay loose until you want to take me again, slide right in and make it slow and at your leisure. Like I haven’t had a rubber cock in me all day, not good enough to be yours, _wishing_ it was yours.” They both moaned at that, and Loki had to close his eyes for a moment. “You’re gonna make me work for it, aren’t you?” Anthony continued. “Have me cook dinner with it inside me. Make me walk around in boxers. Reach over and slide your hand in, _wiggle it_ , make sure it’s still in the right place.”

“A _g-string_ ,” Loki breathed only to go tense at what he’d let slip out, unsure how it would be taken.

Anthony just moaned. “ _Yeah_. Green, just for you. A strap the only thing holding it in, cock straining, _staining_ the fabric too. God, you’d mouth at it, wouldn’t you? Make me walk over to you as you sit in you chair and suck at it. Make me feel so good and-”

“Cock-ring,” he choked out, almost throwing half the suitcase on the ground before he found the two items he was looking for and could make his way back to the bed and his _beautiful_ lover. “Make you wear one so you couldn’t release. I’d know if you cheated, and you’d _pay_ for it if you did.”

Anthony was licking his lips even as he rolled further onto his back. “ _Yeah_. You’ll make me pay, and I’ll let you. Misbehave just to see what you’ll do. What’ll you _do_ , Loki?”

A million ideas ran through Loki’s head, but he didn’t say any of them; he didn’t _dare_. He just kissed Anthony and dropped the items on the bed. He pulled back only long enough to shrug off his pants and climb onto the mattress to join the other man. He quickly slid between the other’s legs, seeing that weeping cock and imagining it in the clothing they’d described. He couldn’t resist reaching out and giving it two, slow strokes. Anthony moaned and rocked his hips into the feeling.

Swiping his thumb over the tip, he then brought his mouth down to it and licked the precum away. Anthony’s eyes were full of lust as he panted.

“Draw up your legs,” Loki murmured hoarsely, and Anthony quickly complied, wrapping his arms under his knees and baring himself.

The position wouldn’t work, not for long and not for what they planned but _oh_ , the trust of that gesture, the _image_ ; it made Loki grip the base of his shaft and take a few calming breathes. When he felt he had himself under control, Loki got himself into place and told Anthony. “A pillow, put it under your back”

Anthony was quick to oblige, folding it and sliding down so he was easily displayed for Loki to view. Loki allowed himself a moment to just _stare_ before he opened the lubricant and spread it on his fingers. He placed a hand on one cheek, stroking softly and spreading before he began to slip his finger inside. He also leant forward and pressed the flat of his tongue in soft strokes at the base of Anthony’s erection.

Anthony moaned and bore down to help accept the finger. Panting and grinding his head into the bedding as Loki ran his tongue all the way up to the tip and swirled, pressing his finger in deeper and working it in and out of Anthony’s passage. He _was_ tight, but not as much as Loki expected.

“Have you been _practicing_ for me?” Loki asked, purring the words and not even thinking to check himself.

It paid off when Anthony moaned and spread his legs wider. “Wasn’t lying,” he panted. “Fake cocks aren’t enough, not when I want _you_. Even ones that vibrate don’t do enough.” He groaned as Loki carefully slipped in another finger. “Wanted, wanted it to be sooner when it was you. Haven’t, hnngh,” Loki licked the tip. “Haven’t done it in a while, but I didn’t want to prep more than I had to.”

Loki moaned at that, moving his mouth to bite and lick at Anthony’s inner thigh. It was still going to take time, but the sheer idea that Anthony fucked himself on a toy imaging it was him- “ _Tell me_ ,” he demanded. “What did you do?”

“W- Worked myself open.” Anthony was fucking down on his fingers by now, and Loki was trying not to grind into the mattress. “Picturing this, _you_. Slid it in and got it nice and firm. Made myself wait.” He squirmed as Loki licked his cock, cleaning it like a cat. “Had a remote, closed my eyes and thought about you watching from the corner. Controlling it. Seeing how long I could last, only fucking me when you were sure I was good and ready.”

Loki moaned and pushed in a third finger, stretching and pressing in, looking for a certain spot as he asked, “When were you ready?”

Anthony panted out, “Half hour. T-Timed it. _Fuck_.” Anthony almost bolted off the bed when Loki found and rubbed his prostate. He was trembling as Loki moved his fingers back and continued stretching and getting him ready. “ _Loki_.”

The moan was enough to make Loki get dangerously close to coming, but he breathed a few times and got himself back under control. He knew Anthony was almost ready, but he kept working him, giving _himself_ the time to climb down. “And when you were ready? When your time was up?”

Anthony licked his lips. “Fucked myself on it,” Anthony told him. “Fucked myself and thought about you, about your cock in me, you over me - _taking me_. Groaning your name and wish- _ah!_ ”

Loki rubbed his fingers hard and fast over Anthony’s prostate, watching him curve and tense at the feelings Loki inspired before he pulled his fingers out. Anthony was trembling faintly as Loki grabbed the condom and ripped into and began pulling it on.

“My mouth next time,” Loki looked up to find Anthony watching him and licking his lips. “Let me roll it on and suck it down. Get it wet and extra-”

He was cut off when Loki snarled, the sound was animalistic, but he _felt_ wild. The words were flooding through him and igniting the built up passion of _a year_ of longing for this man. He wanted him, he wanted it _all_ , every fantasy, every promise, and he grabbed Anthony’s hips, pulling him down the bed while bending up and forward. Anthony pushed to met him, grabbing his neck and tangling their tongues in a kiss.

Loki’s hands were running up and down his thighs before Anthony broke the embrace and dropped back down and wiggled his hips. “Come _on_ , Lokes.”

He needed no further encouraging and took Anthony’s cheeks, the other’s legs going over his shoulders as Loki gently spread him and lined himself up. He pushed in slowly, groaning enough to almost feel pain at how _good_ it felt. Anthony was hissing out pleased sounds as Loki breached him, pushing in deeply until he was fully sheathed and panting.

His hands dropped to the mattress as he tried to steady himself, the warm heat and the knowledge running around his head of _Anthony, Anthony, **Anthony**_ , enough to almost undo him. When Anthony experimentally _clenched_ around him, Loki buckled forward and hoarsely groaned.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Anthony hissed before doing it again and attempting to move his hips.

Loki grabbed him quickly and held him still; his eyes squeezed shut as he demanded, “ _Stop_.”

“ _Loki_ ,” he groaned, “Fuck, me, come I’m not fucking breakable, I need you to-”

“ _I_ need to stop,” he hissed, and he felt and heard Anthony go quiet. He forced his eyes open and saw the other looking at him with wide eyes. “I will,” he licked his lips, “you are-” He exhaled and bent forward. “This is-”

But all his words had left him, and he didn’t know how to explain without giving away the truth. _I am too close, just having you like this._

He felt soft fingers in his hair, massaging his temple and urging him up. It took rearranging, and Loki slipped out slightly, making them both moan, especially when he moved back in. But in the end, they were face to face and Anthony could kiss him below his eye, his cheek, and whisper, “Shh. I’m not going anywhere. We’ve got time.” He kissed his jaw and promised him. “ _This_ isn’t the only time.”

Loki turned his head and kissed him; he couldn’t stop himself, and while their mouths were together, he slowly began to move. He felt Anthony moan into his mouth and grip his shoulders. When he increased his thrusts and managed to alter his angle just slightly, Anthony cried out desperately, “ _Fuck_ , yes. Oh God, yeah, Loki, there-ahh!”

Anthony’s nails were digging into his back as he ground down against Loki’s every thrust, clenching tightly around Loki’s cock while he buried his face in Anthony’s neck and whispered the other’s name. It was everything he’d ever imagined. Anthony’s body was moving against his as he used his hands to pull Loki close. He moaned Loki’s name, chanted his pleasure and asked for, _promised_ him more.

It was their bed, their house, _their_ love.

Anthony was _his_ , their bodies worked like magic, and Anthony loved him, _loved_ him. That knowledge was like a fireball in his chest, lighting up his body and sinking into his veins for the first time. _I really have him. He’s really mine._

Loki cried out, broken and _euphoric_ and lost himself to pleasure and his own orgasm, squeezing his eyes shut and curling into his _lover_ as he thrust sporadically into Anthony. He’d never felt such utter bliss, such _happiness_ as he held Anthony to him and near collapsed, just barely holding himself up.

He was panting against the other when he felt a sudden poke in his arm and lifted his head slightly. Anthony sounded like he was trying not to laugh. “I’m giving you this one, because you’ve wanted me for a while and I was a bit of a dick making you wait so long.” Loki was confused for all of a second before he realised and pulled back, his face nothing but horror. Anthony was _definitely_ laughing at him over it now, but his hand was still stroking Loki soothingly. “Guess I really am too good to be true. Or at least, too good to make it all the _way_ through.”

“Anthony, I am so-”

But his lover just caught him in an affectionate kiss. “I love you, I don’t care, I love that you got off so fast, I like seeing you happy. Now _please_ , return the fucking favour before I get out that rubber cock and-”

Loki growled and kissed him hard, smothering the chuckle that Anthony let out. He pulled back after a few moments and slid out and away. Anthony moaned around the feeling, but all Loki did was pull off his condom and discard it on the floor before sliding his fingers back inside Anthony while he moved down and curved over his lover, mouthing at the tip of his erection.

Anthony groaned, and Loki didn’t even try to tease. He bobbed on the head, swallowing around the other’s cock as he moved his fingers in deeper and rubbed them against his lover’s prostate firmly. Anthony arched and moaned and Loki moved off Anthony’s cock until he only had the tip in his mouth. He sucked on it firmly while thrusting his fingers inside, pressing and rubbing his prostate on each thrust.

He was close, and it only took a few minutes before Anthony was arching and coming in his mouth, crying out Loki’s name as Loki sucked him through it. He swallowed the seed and continued to thrust his fingers against Anthony’s inner walls through the pleasure until Anthony let out a pained whimper, and Loki retreated.

When he was finished, Anthony was gasping on the bed, but he lazily accepted Loki’s kiss when he moved up to him. He also pulled Loki down on top of him when they broke apart. Loki moved his mouth to kiss behind Anthony’s ear before burying his nose in Anthony’s hair, breathing in _his_ shampoo and feeling a wave of contentment rush over him.

Anthony’s hands had come around to his back, absently stroking him as they evened out their breathing. He felt Anthony’s hands change their pattern to something more thoughtful before he told him, “Maybe we should get a cock-ring for both of us,” he could hear the smirk in Anthony’s voice, “you know, just in case.”

Loki snorted, but flushed slightly with embarrassment. “I won’t live that down, will I?”

“Eh, not until you make me lose control spectacularly early.” Loki shifted to see his lover’s grin. “Consider it a challenge.”

Loki smiled and kissed Anthony’s jaw, telling him simply: “You are better.”

“Hmm? Better?”

“Than I imagined.” Anthony blinked, but Loki continued, unconcerned by spilling the confession, not when he felt so light, when he felt like he was _bursting_ with happiness. Never in his life had he felt so peaceful. “It was why it was so difficult. I’ve wanted you for a year. Maintaining my composure upon having you... well, I could have lost in far worse ways than that.”

Anthony kissed him, an upset furrow between his brows. “Fuck, I have you right in front of me, and you’re _still_ breaking my heart.”

Loki pressed his lips to Anthony’s collarbone apologetically. “I did not mean to do that, my love. I’m fine; I’m _happy_.” He moved his lips up Anthony’s neck to his jaw. He held the other’s gaze and told him, “As long as I wake up with you in my arms tomorrow, I will _always_ be happy.”

A smile curved Anthony’s mouth as he chastised him gently, “ _Sap_.”

Loki just kissed him before uncurling from the other. He was only away long enough to find and throw the condom before lightly cleaning the lubricant from his lover. When he was finished, they got into position under the blankets with Anthony wrapped around him just like earlier in the afternoon, and Loki relaxed easily into the bedding and his lover’s embrace.

The house was locked; his security system was in place. They were safe, protected, and Anthony was his lover, his _partner_. They would have to sort out their lives in the coming days and the euphoria of being together without constraints would wear off. Anthony would want to discuss his past, their plans for the future, and the identities Loki had constructed for them.

Reality, their _new_ reality would seep back in eventually, but just like Loki had told Anthony before: as long as Anthony was in his arms, his life, and _their home_ , he would be fine; he would be _happy_.

His world was the man beside him, and somehow, through a mistake, luck, and far too much impossibility for him to be comfortable with even now, _Loki_ had become something Anthony desired too.

Loki had won Anthony, and it was even more incredible than he’d conceived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Well. There's that. Loki finally got his man and Tony got his as well. And yeah, *screws up her face in a wince* I hope it was alright? :|~~ HAHA. Yes, yes, thank you all my lovely commentors. You've convinced me the chapter is good. Thank you so much! :3


	13. Post Fractals Accompaniment 4: Tony and Loki’s first morning together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up together has all the hallmarks of a fabulous beginning, but neither of them have entered this relationship free of baggage, and it might not take much for those bags and the emotions contained inside, to burst out all over the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My notes will be short. I'm sick with a cold so I'm literally only waking up to eat and post this then going back to sleep.

Tony woke to the feel of soft lips being pressed against his shoulder and neck. He blinked and shifted slightly, feeling Loki’s arms where they were wrapped loosely around his chest and back. Loki was also pressed against his side, lying next to him in the middle of the bed. The sheets were still layered on top of them, and sunlight was peaking in through the drawn blinds.

“Good morning,” Loki breathed against his skin, kissing him again.

Despite the feeling of the other’s touch, the gesture didn’t come off even remotely sexual, rather, it was entirely affectionate.

“Hey,” he murmured roughly, bringing up a hand to rub his eyes and yawn into. He felt Loki’s arm move before fingers were on his jaw as he tilted it to the side. Loki was smiling, soft and _far_ too awake. He attempted to move in closer, but Tony put a hand to his chest making him frown. “My morning breath is going to be pretty foul, Lokes.”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “Do you believe I care?” He pushed against the weight until Tony let his wrist relax. Loki pressed their lips together before he informed him, “I only care that it is _you_.”

Tony smiled, but he still refused to deepen the kiss even when Loki tried; he even twisted his head away, letting out a small shriek when Loki retaliated by licking his cheek. “Loki!”

His lover just chuckled against his cheekbone before kissing him there and pulling back. “How did you sleep, my dear?”

“Yeah, good,” Tony answered absently, but his eyes were locked on Loki’s _hair_ , and he reached for it before he could stop himself. It was just so _fluffy_ and full of little curls. Loki’s face twisted slightly, but he still allowed the stroking. Tony repaid the acquiescence by angling him down into another soft, close-mouthed kiss. When they pulled back after a few lazy moments, he twirled a strand that was hanging over Loki’s face. “I almost thought I imagined your bedhair."

Loki grimaced. “I would _prefer_ if you had.”

“You don’t like the curls?” Tony asked around a grin.

“No,” he replied. “I keep it straight for good reason.” Sighing when Tony didn’t stop twisting with his fingers, Loki bent his head so Tony could get a better area to touch and play with. “But it was the original discovery of it that I was even less fond of.”

Tony paused. “Your oversleeping? You do realise I was so damn charmed I didn’t know what to do with myself, right?”

Loki twisted and caught his eyes, curious and surprised. “You were?”

“ _Oh_ yeah. I’d accepted I was attracted to you by then, but when you walked out looking so fucking _adorable_ , I just wanted to, well, do this,” he flicked Loki’s hair for emphasis. “I wasn’t complaining in the slightest.”

“You hid it well,” Loki told him quietly, his eyes distant as he remembered the scene. “I... I truly had no idea you felt anything but _mild_ attraction for me physically.”

Tony’s smile faded and he brought his other hand up so that he could cup Loki’s cheeks. “And _you_ had the most impressive control I’ve ever seen.” He kissed Loki softly. “You killed yourself each time you stopped even _slightly_ pursing this; you were better than most people could ever try to be. And it was that and who you _are_ that made it impossible not to fall in love with you.”

Loki kissed him, hard and passionate, and when Loki tried to deepen the kiss, Tony sighed internally but allowed it. If Loki was concerned by dead pigeon mouth, he didn’t flinch. He simply pressed closer and leant over Tony slightly as their mouths tangled, and they exchanged kisses.

Tony’s hands found their way back to Loki’s hair, and he curled his fingers in deep, massaging his scalp and making his lover’s back arch into the touch.

When they finally broke apart, Loki was leaning over him and was smiling widely and full of delight. He leant their foreheads together and shut his eyes. Tony couldn’t resist darting up and kissing him again, chaste and easy. Loki looked at him afterwards, grinning down at Tony.

Matching the expression, Tony slid his fingers from Loki’s hair and smoothed it before sliding his hands down Loki’s neck, over his shoulders and resting them on his back under the sheets. He was strongly contemplating turning this into an _excellent_ and _slow_ morning together, but Loki seemed to have different ideas in mind.

He kissed Tony again before pulling away; Tony let him, but he sat up as Loki started to climb out of the bed. He didn’t even seem to be going for the lube; he pulled on _pants_ , and as far as Tony was concerned, that was unnecessary clothing, and they were _unnecessarily parting_. “Hey, where are you going?”

Loki turned to press his knee on the mattress and lean over to kiss Tony. “I will be back. Do not leave this bed.”

“What? Why?” Tony questioned, beginning to sit up, but Loki caught his shoulder and gently pressed him back down while also bestowing another kiss.

“I’m asking, Anthony. Please don’t leave the bed.”

Tony frowned sceptically, but he was already relaxing back. “How _long_ will you be?”

“Minutes,” Loki promised.

Sighing, Tony wiggled further under the covers. “I _will_ be counting.”

Loki grinned and brought his hand forward to run through Tony’s hair. “I _will_ be quick.”

He kissed Tony’s forehead, fast and feather-light before he was off the mattress and out of the room. He disappeared down the hallway and left Tony scowling lightly and straining to hear what Loki was doing. It took less than a minute before he heard the sound of the coffeemaker as well as an electric kettle.

_Really? Morning sex is beaten by coffee and tea?_

It wasn’t like Tony was going to refuse caffeine, but _really?_ Loki had him in their bed, and he was leaving it for some hot and flavoured water? _Rude._

 _Or maybe he doesn’t think he can have..._ Tony scowled and angrily changed positions on the mattress. Loki had better _not_ be thinking that or Tony would be pretty unimpressed, especially after what they’d shared last night. He _hoped_ Loki had a better reason for leaving him alone in bed that Tony just couldn’t work out.

 _He seemed fine before he left._ That reminder relaxed him, at least. Loki might be up to something, but Tony doubted it was anything to do with his insecurities.

Tony was still trying to figure out _what_ exactly was going on in Loki’s head when the other came back, carrying two mugs and stopping inside the doorway. Tony was going to speak - to ask him about it or tease him for his absence - when he caught the _look_ on Loki’s face and stopped. It was... indescribable and yet, it also explained _everything._

_I’m in his bed. I stayed. I’m waiting for him. I’m **his**._

Tony smiled slowly, fond and _loving_. “You coming back to bed, Lokes?”

Loki swallowed thickly and looked down at the cups as he started making his way back. _Hah, morning sex beaten by beverages? I think **not**!_

He placed the mugs on the floor - since they were kind of lacking furniture at the moment - before climbing back under the covers. He gestured Tony over who was happy to comply. Loki had his back against the headboard and arranged Tony until he was sitting between Loki’s legs. It meant Tony had to grab their mugs and hand Loki his, but it was nice to lean back against his lover’s chest and have Loki wrap an arm around his waist and tug him close. He received another kiss, this one behind his ear before Loki took a sip of his drink, sighing and resting his head against the headboard.

Tony smiled and drank some coffee, enjoying the silence and willing to put his libido on hold for the moment if it got him more of this - cuddles in bed with Loki.

Of course, it couldn’t last forever. He was too curious and needed to ask the question that he’d been certain of since Loki had walked back into the room. “You’ve wanted this before, haven’t you?”

“Hmm?”

“Coming back to me in bed. You wanted to _create_ this image, didn’t you?” He didn’t turn back to look at Loki even if he was tempted. He knew Loki by now; he knew he preferred his confessions when his face couldn’t be seen. Loki still hesitated; he even took a sip of tea to refrain from answering - not the sickly flower tea this time, something sharp and almost bitter. 

Placing a hand over the one that was hugging him, Tony linked their fingers to further calm his lover. “You just seem like you’ve thought about it, that’s all.”

There was another moment of silence, before Loki answered, “I had a long time living with and never having you. There were many things I wanted but knew were forbidden from happening. After I knew you felt the same,” he squeezed Tony a little tighter and Tony wasn’t even sure if it was consciously or not, “all I could do was think of what I might be able to have. I told myself not to get my hopes up, of course, and not to lose sight of what I needed to do first but I...” he trailed off and cleared his throat. “But, I couldn’t stop myself. So, yes, Anthony, I had thought of this before, many times, and I wanted to return to find you here, in our bed, waiting for me.”

Tony grinned. He knew he could remark on all the ways the waiting had hurt Loki, he could even comment on his _sweetness_ at just wanting to see such a simple image of Tony, but both of those could lead to heavier things that Tony really didn’t want right now.

He took a drink of his coffee instead before asking, “So you've got a fucking _vault_ of things you want to do with me, don't you? They’re not even all sexual things, are they? They’re just this,” he couldn’t stop smiling, god, this little romantic nerd would be the death of him, “just _cuddles_.”

Loki seemed to recognise Tony was pleasantly amused and had become embarrassed by it, if the way he buried his face in Tony’s hair was any indication. Tony just chuckled. “I’m here now, you know, so go for it.”

It took a long moment before Loki moved, and when he did, it was slow, almost cautious. He removed his face from Tony’s hair enough to ask, a little roughly, “You don’t even know what they _are_.”

That voice went straight through Tony. It wasn’t even meant to be sexual; his voice was filled with _emotion_ , but Tony liked sex. He especially liked it with someone he was emotionally invested in and physically drawn to. He still assured Loki, “If it’s you and me and more of us together, I doubt I’ll do anything but want them too.”

Loki pressed a sudden, harsh kiss against his neck. “I want to touch you _whenever I wish_.”

“I’m not going to complain about tha-”

“I wish to hug you, kiss you, _take your hand_ at the slightest moment of any day - at any time that I see you and want to touch and assure myself that you’re _here_.”

Tony relaxed back even further into Loki. “You’ve got it.”

Loki’s hand spasmed against his stomach and fingers. “In public as well, not just in the privacy of-”

“Loki,” Tony cut in firmly, “ _you’ve got it_.” He squeezed his lover’s fingers. “I’m your boyfriend, your lover, your _Käresta_.” He felt Loki shudder. “You’ve got an all access pass to touch me affectionately.”

Loki let go of his hand, and Tony thought he’d said something wrong before Loki’s cup was held out to him, ‘ _take this_ ’ he muttered and Tony did, barely getting a firm hold on it before _both_ of Loki’s arms were around his chest, wrapping him up in a hug that made Tony feel surrounded by warmth and protection. He smiled and went boneless in the hold, shifting slightly to better press against Loki’s bare chest.

His lover’s nose and mouth were buried in the curve of his neck where he was kissing it gently. It was probably meant to be a calming gesture, but really, Tony was in bed and had been fighting arousal all morning. The soft feeling was making his lower body start to react and, considering he wasn’t wearing pants, it would start to show through the minimal protection of the bedding soon.

It was time to catch Loki up to speed. 

Pulling back a little, he had to request Loki let him go before he could put the mugs down and slide back into place, he also moved himself _much_ closer until Loki’s soft cock could be pressed up against Tony’s naked bum. He squirmed a little more than he needed to when getting comfortable, feeling Loki’s cock twitch and smirking to himself.

He pressed back against Loki and asked softly, “Hey Lokes?”

“Mm?”

Tony smiled, only a touch of the deviousness he was feeling catching at his mouth. “We need to put handholds in the shower.”

Loki stopped kissing his skin to question, “Why?”

“So I’ll have something to hold onto when you’re fucking me.” _That_ got a nice reaction from the quickly hardening cock behind him. “Or maybe it’s where you can tie me up while you’re fingering me? Let the water run down my chest and over my nipples. Run over my _cock_ and make me shudder because it’s _not enough_.” He rubbed himself back sinuously on Loki’s growing erection, making Loki moan. “Not enough when I want _you_.”

He groaned again. “ _Anthony_.”

Tony turned his head so that he could catch Loki’s eyes that had darkened significantly. He grinned wide and bright. “You got any morning sex fantasies you want to try out?

When Loki slipped his hand under the covers and cupped Tony’s erection, Tony’s eyes fell closed, and he moaned, falling back against Loki as he was lightly stroked.

“ _Numerous_ ,” Loki whispered.

Tony let out a huff of breath and angled his head so that he could kiss Loki’s jaw briefly. When he pulled back Tony requested, “Let’s start with number one, work our way down.”

The next sound Loki made was closer to a purr, and when Loki decided the best way to spend _this_ morning was by taking an _hour_ to open and finger him before sliding inside, making Tony come untouched and before Loki did, well, Tony was hardly going to complain in the slightest.

They’d ended up lying in bed afterwards, covered in sweat and come but still kissing lazily. It was almost a mirror of how they’d woken up, and Tony could imagine doing this for the rest of his life.

He’d still shifted until he could roll over. It placed Loki on his back while he buried his face in Loki’s neck and wrapping them together in a hug. Loki looked surprised but he didn’t refuse or let him go and they got comfortable again.

“Do you want to clean up?” Loki suggested while running a hand up and down his back. “We can shower and have breakfast.” Tony sighed a little, but he was already starting to feel pretty rank. He kissed Loki’s skin before frowning and lightly licking it. Loki’s breath hitched on the word. “An-thony?”

Tony smiled and did it again. “Showers are good. I’ll lick all the water off you when you step out of the spray. Then I’ll do it again. You might have to go in and out of the spray a lot, especially to wet your cock. We’d hate for that to get dry as I’m lapping it up.”

Loki groaned long and loud, but he still felt a twitch of Loki’s desire. “I cannot do that so soon.”

Pushing up slightly, Tony promised him, not just for that scenario but also for the thousand more that Loki had stored in his head. “We’ve got time. Plenty of it.”

Loki’s expression softened, and he pulled Tony into a soft kiss that Tony happily responded to. When they pulled apart again afterwards, he added, just to watch Loki’s eyes fill with lust and want: “Now come on, I want to lick every other part of you until we can get you hard again.”

Loki was helpless to resist him, and _damn_ , was that ever a good shower.

* * *

They had breakfast after the shower, cooking together in the kitchen with Loki darting in and stealing kisses every few minutes. They weren’t even all on his lips, Loki would just press against his temple, his cheek, and he even snagged Tony’s hand and kissed his palm at one point.

It was only omelettes, but everything took so much longer with Loki distracting Tony from cutting the onions by hugging him from behind and turning him into a kiss. Little things that Tony _adored_ and certainly wasn’t stopping, especially when Loki’s eyes just got brighter with every touch he was allowed to give.

When they sat down at the table, Loki had them right beside each other, their elbows practically knocking as they ate. They’d been chatting as they did, planning what part of the house to unpack first. Tony had turned to Loki and found him with a hesitant look that Tony had questioned him over. He bit his lip even while holding up a fork filled with omelette, Tony had snorted his amusement but when Loki had moved to lower the utensil he’d just leant closer and raised his eyebrows.

He’d always thought couples who fed each other were _weird_ and overly demonstrative, but he figured that in the privacy of their own home and with Loki’s sweetly small smile, he could handle it.

It helped that after he’d let it happen with a fond eyeroll, that Loki had cupped his cheek and brushed a thumb against his temple. He couldn’t bring himself to return the gesture with his own breakfast, but he still let Loki do it two more times before they’d finished their meal and went into the kitchen to clean up. Loki, it seemed, wasn’t willing to let them get more than a foot apart as he’d dragged Tony to stand and come to the kitchen with him.

The pedantic freak had made them clean up the preparations, the dishes, _and_ put them away. Tony had left Loki to that task while he started opening boxes and putting things in cupboards. Loki would constantly pause and dry his hands to take things from him to put them on the higher shelves or simply say, “ _no, no, not there_ ”. Tony got into the habit of putting things in the wrong place, just to make Loki frown and fix it so that he could sneak in and kiss the expression away.

It made Loki’s face go slack with momentary shock before he smiled and sighed with fond amusement at the realisation of what Tony had done.

The constant halts to their work meant it took a good hour before Loki was finished with cleaning and had begun unpacking with him. They stopped briefly when they went through the recipe books of Frigga’s. Tony had pressed in close, Loki’s right arm snaking around his waist while the other held the book open. Tony was in charge of flipping through the pages gently as Loki haltingly started recounting tales of his youth in the kitchen with his mother.

Tony responded in kind while resting further against his lover, telling the few soft memories he had of Maria. He also mentioned his father and Pepper and the time Pepper had come to see Howard when Tony had been visiting. She’d found out they hadn’t eaten for ten hours and not only had she cooked dinner but ordered them both to help her in the kitchen. Howard had affectionately allowed it while Tony had teased her the entire time.

It brought a small pang of sadness and _guilt_ at the reminder, and the thought of what they must be doing now, having read his letters and knowing he wasn’t coming back. Loki noticed it instantly and shut the recipe book before tilting up Tony’s chin. His eyes couldn’t hide his worry even as he kissed Tony, pouring passion into the kiss and endeavouring to change Tony’s thoughts to him, to _them_.

There was a new rigidness to Loki’s posture, a worry that hadn’t been there before and was something that could quickly take over him if Tony didn’t stop him in his tracks. Tony knew they needed to discuss it, that it couldn’t be swept under the rug, but Tony didn’t want to think about it right now either.

He wanted the light-hearted ease of twenty minutes ago, and he was determined to find it again. He melted into Loki’s touch and forced his mind away from friends and family and held his attention on the man in front of him. Loki kissed him desperately, crowding him against the counter and allowing their tongues to stroke one another and their breath to grow ragged by the time they pulled apart.

Tony fluttered his eyes open to find Loki staring down at him, a hint of fear still lingering in his eyes.

“I haven’t shown you the backyard properly,” he told Tony. “Let me show it to you?”

It was a frantic and obvious attempt at distraction, but Tony agreed to it easily, hoping it would be enough to stem the tide of where their thoughts had turned. “Yeah. Yeah, that would be great, Loki.”

Loki’s smile was paper thin, but he still pulled back and took Tony’s hand, linking it before he guided him gently out of the kitchen. He put the recipe book down on the way out, but his hand was still clammy as he began speaking, “It’s a large yard, a large _property_. It is a significant distance from the nearest town; I believed that would be best for us.”

The kitchen wasn’t far from the back door and after unlocking it with a snip, Loki led him out on the porch.

There was a large tree to the left, and it gave a portion of their immediate yard a significant amount of shade. The grass was well-maintained after being on show, but it didn’t look like it would take more than a mowing every now and again to keep it. Of course, then it went _further_. The house was on a good few acres, and there was a hill to their left that blocked the neighbouring house from sight. Mostly there was just grass, trees and mountains to see wherever Tony looked.

It was quiet, isolated, _theirs_.

It was a world away from what either of them were used to, what either of them _preferred_ : the life and opportunities that were found in a large city, a place that could keep their buzzing minds busy and active.

“We can hire a gardener,” Loki began talking. “Or equipment to do it ourselves. I’m not sure what would be best. The people of the town will get used to us; it would probably be better to have someone more familiar with the landscape to maintain it.”

Tony turned to him, but Loki was avoiding his gaze and gesturing with a jerking motion. “There is space for some animals, plants and trees as well; I’m told the soil will grow most things if you want-”

“Loki.”

“Of course, we don’t have to spend much time here. I know you prefer electronics to-”

“ _Loki_.”

“That’s not to say that you won’t have space in the house to-”

Tony cut off his rambling lover by stepping closer. Loki had been trying to avoid his gaze, but Tony ducked his head and forced the other to focus on him. He also pressed his fingers to Loki’s lips to stop his hurried attempts to speak.

“ _Loki_ ,” he tried again, but Loki gripped his wrist and pulled his hand away.

“Don't think about it.” He moved forward and kissed Tony. “Just think about _us_." He pressed in for another kiss, his eyes staying closed as he requested, “Not yet. Don't regret being here with me _yet_.”

The words dropped Tony’s stomach as well as his heart. “Fuck, Loki. I’m not regretting _you_.”

Loki kissed him hard, but like he still didn’t believe it. He dropped Tony’s hand to cup his cheeks and try to deepen it, try to _distract_ him by any means necessary, but his body was filled with anxiety, and his attempt to force arousal too calculated. It made Tony pull away from the other’s mouth, feeling Loki’s lips catch on his cheek and jaw when he tried to follow him.

He felt Loki’s fingers dig into his skin slightly when they clenched with frustration before he hurriedly relaxed them and swallowed.

“On a blanket under the sky,” Loki told him, his green eyes flickering with hidden emotion. “I wanted to do that. A fantasy of us together, here in the house that we bought.”

But Tony was quick to press his hand to Loki’s chest, keeping them apart as he frowned at the other. “Loki, you don’t want that now.”

“I want it. I want _you_ , always and forever.”

“But you _don’t_ want it like this, forced and unhappy. Come on, are you really going to wreck a fantasy for this?”

“If it _keeps you here_ ,” Loki blurted, and Tony almost physically recoiled he was so shocked.

He was hurt too, and there was something else bubbling under his skin, an irritation that was seconds away from growing harsher. “You would make us have sex, to make me stop thinking about anything but _you?_ ”

If there was an edge to his voice, Loki didn’t seem to hear it. “I don’t want you to think about them now. Not on our first day together. Not _yet_.”

“Oh, so I can only think about them when it’s _convenient_ to you?”

This time, Loki heard his agitation and froze, even the hands still on Tony’s cheeks felt stiff as his mouth fell open slightly, but no words came out for a long moment. “That is not...”

“Not what you meant? Really? Because it sounds like you want me to forget everything I had in my life before _you_.”

“No!” and Loki pulled his hands away to gesture. “No! I don’t want or _expect_ you to. I just don’t want you to-”

“What? Not think about them _now?_ I’m going to feel fucking guilty about hurting them when they come up. Especially _forty-eight hours_ after leaving them for their _enemy_. You can’t just turn off my emotions like a fucking fauc-”

“I’m _not trying to_ ,” Loki shouted. “I just don’t want you to _leave **me**_.”

They went quiet after Loki’s words fell. Loki was looking away and holding his arms crossed in front of his chest, defensive, insecure, and lacking any fucking faith in Tony whatsoever.

“You think I’m going to leave you?” Tony asked heavily, feeling something thick lodged in his throat. “You think I would go through all this effort and disappear from the lives of everyone I know and care about, only to decide ‘ _it’s not worth it_ ’?”

Loki was now focused on the ground even as he murmured flatly, “You said yourself that I’m still a criminal even now. I’m far more likely to disappoint you than give you something worth staying for.” He gave a half shrug. “I just want to keep you for as long as I can.”

 _That_ cut into him.

“News fucking flash, Loki,” Tony growled, feeling so much anger that it made his vision almost white out, “You stopped being a _criminal_ a long time ago, especially to me. It doesn’t mean I’m oblivious, but give me a little more credit than that.” He stepped forward and, frustrated by the lack of eye-contact, he slapped the heel of his palm against Loki’s shoulder, making the other look up. “And here’s another fucking update for you: telling the guy who gave up everything for you, the guy who _doesn’t regret it_ , that you don’t believe he’s sincere is a sure-fire way to make him _really fucking hurt_. You complete asshole, thanks for the _trust_.”

Tony didn’t wait for anything more, he turned on his heel and stalked away, slamming the back door shut as he stomped into the house, turning blindly as he went anywhere but their bedroom. He ended up in empty room he’d only glanced at before, his arms crossed as he stared at the floor seeing nothing.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, but he was drawn from his thoughts by the sound of hurried feet. Tony didn’t look over his shoulder, but he _did_ hear Loki jerk to a stop at the entrance to the room.

Tony sighed but before he could say anything, he could hear Loki moving, his hesitant steps on the floorboards as he murmured, “Anthony, I didn’t mean to- Anthony, I’m so sorry.”

The very fine shake to his voice - the way he was trying to control it but failing miserably - made Tony look over his shoulder. Loki had stopped moving, but the look in his eyes made any angry resolve he had melt away. He turned to face Loki fully. “It’s okay. Come here.”

Loki almost tripped in his haste to get across the room and wrap Tony in his arms. He was kissing Tony’s hair and temple, long presses of affection that also leaked out his apology. He also murmured quiet promises to do better, _be better_ , and never give Tony cause to doubt him again.

In the end, Tony had to worm his hands out from where they were squished against Loki’s chest so that he could capture his face and stop his words with a kiss. Loki made a slightly pained sound as he kissed back, holding him like he expected Tony to be taken away at any moment.

When they finally pulled apart, Tony held Loki’s eyes, the one part that always gave him away. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? Just... stop freaking out that you’re going to lose me. Stop freaking out that an _argument_ is going to make me stop loving you. This- _we’re_ not as fragile as you think.”

“You have so many better options than me-”

Tony shushed that ludicrous thought. “And none of them were what I wanted.” He kissed Loki again. “Look, I get that this is hard for you, and I’m trying not to take it personally-”

“It’s not you, it’s _never_ you-”

“And it’s _not you either_. Christ, Loki, people have arguments. People have regrets. We’re not just going to sail away on wings of cotton candy where nothing will ever go wrong and the happily ever after you picture is a perfect fairytale.”

“ _I know_ ,” Loki answered heavily, but it was in a way that showed that while he knew it wasn’t possible, Loki still _wanted_ that faultless fantasy.

“Then what do you expect out of this? Out of _me?_ ” Tony asked, honest and curious and slightly worried it wasn’t feasible. “Are you seriously going to spend our future together waiting for some kind of invisible trapdoor to steal me from your side?”

“Can you tell me it _won’t?_ ” And the despair in Loki’s eyes brought Tony up short. His smile was like a ghost as he cupped Tony’s cheek. “You tell me that this - that _you_ are here to stay, but while my heart wants to believe it, my head can’t dare accept my good fortune. You are... you are a _good person_ , Anthony. I am nothing of the sort. All I want is to have you in my life, _sharing_ my life, but you have been here for _one day_. We barely know each other, so yes, I _do_ worry this will fall apart; not because of you, not because of me, but because of who we are put together.”

Tony stared at Loki, seeing all his worries and insecurities and all his hopes for their future. Reaching up, he brushed his thumb over Loki’s lower lip. “Then let’s figure it out.”

Loki’s brows furrowed. “What? I don’t...”

“Loki the criminal mastermind,” Loki flinched, but Tony ignored it, “and Tony the forensic scientist. You want us to know who the other is?” Taking a small step back, Tony separated them but quickly took Loki’s hand before Loki’s anxieties could deepen. “There’s a couch in the living room. Let’s have the talk we _need_ to have. The one we could never get before we came here.”

He tried to get Loki to follow him, but the other was resistant. He looked back at Loki to find him grimacing. “I didn’t want to have this so soon.”

Tony let out a harsh laugh. “Oh, I know.” He gentled his next words with a kiss to the corner of Loki’s mouth. “But we’re shit out of options. If we don’t do this now, we’re going to cave in on each other. We need to ask and answer questions. Full disclosure.” He narrowed his eyes at Loki and told him firmly, “No feints.”

Loki tried to smile. “You wish to know all my secrets? Take away all my mystery?”

“Damn right,” Tony told him gently. “You’re not a one man band anymore. If you’re going to make the rabbit disappear then I’m going to be the one with the mirror helping you pull off the trick. You wanted to be a team, so now you’re going to have to trust me to stay.”

Loki shook his head, but there was something hollow in his voice, “You don’t know how dark it gets.”

“So I’ll hitch up a damn lantern. I followed you for a _year_. I know the shit you were into. I know you gave that up. _Trust me_ , okay. Trust that I love you.”

He had barely finished before Loki stepped forward and was cupping his neck and kissing him. It was slow and painfully emotional. It reminded Tony of the numerous final kisses they had shared, and it made him squeeze Loki’s hand when he pulled away.

Loki murmured something against Tony’s mouth, but it was back in one of the foreign languages he liked to hide behind. “ _Loki-_ ”

“I wish that you will,” Loki told him abruptly. “I said that I wished that you will still love me, when today is over.”

Tony wanted to promise, to say, _of course I will_ , but he knew Loki wouldn’t believe it. So he just smiled and started leading Loki out towards the living room. Loki didn’t drag his steps but Tony could feel the weight in the air. Loki looked like a man holding tight to the last of his pride, keeping his head held high on a walk to the gallows.

When they reached the edge of the couch, Tony made Loki sit down first. Climbing into the space between Loki’s legs, he leant back against him, being wrapped up tight and giving Loki the chance to speak without looking into his eyes.

They had barely gotten comfortable, the air still crackling with tension as Loki held him tight and rested his chin on Tony’s shoulder and began to talk to him.

“I took my first life at nineteen,” Loki said abruptly, making Tony twitch but otherwise keep from reacting. “They were a rival gang member who had meant nothing to me but would elevate my standing among the others. Which it did, but I also didn’t stay with them long. While I didn’t kill more than three people in the next five years, I still moved into more high-scale, less messy illegality.”

“I... I gained one of the first of many monikers that would become associated with me.” Tony could hear Loki swallow. “I didn’t take a lover, not after one that I had for almost twelve months attempted to betray me in order to assist with their own endeavours. You are the first lover I have ever had that I have truly cared for, and that I _do_ trust.” He pulled Tony closer, whispering frantically, “Because I _do_ , Anthony.”

Tony gave a jerk of his head and squeezed the hand he was still holding. “I know.” He also let out a careful breath as he stared at the wall in front of him before responding to Loki in kind, “I’ve never had a serious relationship. I wasn’t interested before...” he gritted his teeth, pain flaring as it always did, “before my mother died. Afterwards, it wasn’t worth the risk of being found out. Nothing was ever worth any of the risks I was faced with... until you.”

Loki let out a rough breath and kissed him on the neck. “I thought America would be no different to England, how wrong I turned out to be.”

“I thought you’d turn out to be just as rotten and hateful as any other criminal I’d fought to jail,” he smiled and relaxed back against Loki. “How wrong _I_ turned out to be.”

They fell quiet for a time after Tony’s remark, Loki’s hands rubbing over Tony’s skin as they sat in silence. It was some minutes later when Loki was the one to break with a sigh and a question, “What would you like speak about, Anthony? Whatever it is, you’ll have it, simply ask me.”

Closing his eyes, Tony didn’t even know where to start. “Did you ever plan to kill me?”

“ _No_ ,” Loki insisted, and the vehemence made Tony smile.

It also didn’t prove or solidify anything, but all of this was a start. They had a long conversation to go; they needed to cover the past, the future, the people who had made a difference in their lives, and what they planned to do with each other - what they _wanted_ from each other.

They needed to know if they were going to make anything work between them.

But Tony was feeling optimistic; he was feeling _ready_ to take on this discussion and get it out of the way.

They were together now and they could weather whatever came in the next few hours, because when they finally reached the end, when they broke through this mess of a storm, they’d be on the other side.

The side that had their future on it, the one they’d worked so hard for.

And maybe it wouldn’t have cotton candy clouds or be without arguments, blood, and tears, but Tony liked to think that it would still end up perfect for them anyway.

Perfect for a criminal and a scientist, that is. Whatever the hell that would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a side note: I'm on going on vacation for three weeks as of Sunday. It shouldn't affect the updates of this story (because it is completed, literally _completed, all written, omg_.) but it might affect how much I reply to comments and/or any other posting.
> 
> We'll see what happens. Thank you for all for reading and I hope you like it!


	14. Post Fractals Accompaniment 5: Tony and Loki get used to living together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's difficult to show a guy like Loki that you're here to stay, but Tony is going to try. Just as much as he's going to spend every free second he has, making the love of his life smile like that. He just wants Loki by his side and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this is a few days overdue! I hope you don't mind :| I'll try to post the other as per usual so you'll get a bit of a smaller gap between this and the next update. I hope that makes up for things! Free time and connection have been a bit of a hit or miss lately, but I have a bit of of both now, so please enjoy chapter 14!

It had been four months since Tony had disappeared with Loki.

Four months of living in their isolated, private house in the middle of Idaho, and well, they were happy.

It still made Tony laugh a little to think of, when he was sitting at the breakfast bar eating cereal and watching Loki do the crossword in a dressing grown and muttering under his breath. When they were curled up in bed and Loki was stroking his hair and telling him mischievous stories from his youth and Tony was recounting his own in turn.

There were still bad days, of course; when Tony woke up from a dream about Barnes or anyone he’d left behind and felt such crashing guilt and pain that he slipped off the mattress to go read in the study. Loki would find him fairly quickly, too attuned to his presence in the bed now. If Tony heard him and caught Loki’s gaze, he’d see his lover’s eyes filled with helpless pain and the knowledge that Loki would only make things worse if he stayed.

Loki would normally make him a coffee and place it on the table before slipping back out of the room. Loki wouldn’t return to sleep, but he wouldn’t bother him either. Tony would have to seek out the other man; sometimes it would be to forget and talk about something else, other times he would just hug Loki from behind and _speak_ about his friends, his father, _JARVIS_ , and let his voice crack. ‘ _I miss them so much, Lokes_ ’ would be the words he’d never say.

Loki would always be stiff in his arms but trying not to show it. He would kiss and hold him close and talk with him. They had talked a _lot_ after that first argument. Tony knew the details of almost every crime Loki had committed, and some of them were... harder to stomach than others. They knew so much of each other’s lives now that when either of them woke up from a nightmare (Tony from Ultron, Loki from his torturers, and both of them from outcomes where Malekith and their escape had gone a much different, much _darker_ way) they could always tell what their lover needed. They would curl into the other on those nights and feel comfort and assurance in the way they touched and whispered that they were both _okay_ and that they were _together_.

And while Tony’s bad days meant he wanted to be alone, when he couldn’t concentrate on his inventions, and felt so much emotion bubbling in his chest he wanted to _scream_ , Loki’s bad days were almost _worse_.

Most of the time Loki was the man Tony loved; he was full of snark with dancing eyes and wicked intelligence. He would pull Tony into his arms and kiss him, whisper filthy things or tease him for his cooking and his sentimentality to that little robot, Rex. Loki would offer to set up tripwires around the property to keep the vermin out and Tony would tell him _don’t you dare_ , and Loki would offer to snipe from the roof instead, and he’d punch his lover until Loki broke into laughter and Tony kissed his grinning mouth.

But when Loki was feeling down or had woken up from his own nightmare, he would grow quietly desperate. He would touch Tony all the time, his eyes filled with a haunted need to keep Tony in his sight. Sometimes it would be the easier fear, the worry that something had _happened_ to Tony, that Malekith had won, that Ultron had killed him. Tony could climb into Loki’s lap and kiss him, press Loki’s hands to his chest and assure him with slow lovemaking that he was okay, he was here, _they had won_.

They would still end up spending the day curled up together and pressing close, but it was far more manageable than the _other_ days.

The days when Loki looked at Tony and thought he would _leave_. There was a specific tension to Loki’s limbs and touch, a slant to his mouth that was always easy to spot. It frustrated Tony as much as it made his heart fall. It didn’t help that Loki tried to hide the way he was fretting during Tony’s own depressed and guilt ridden hours. He usually managed, but it would inevitably burst out and over them when Tony shook his friends from his thoughts.

Where Tony’s dark mood and wonderings about what they were up to - _if they were okay_ \- only came in short and highly painful bursts, Loki’s worries lingered around for much longer. It had been four great months, but it hadn’t been enough for Loki’s insecurities to fully dissipate, not when Tony might need to spend hours alone and away from the other.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Loki; it was that he didn’t want to see Loki look _devastated_ that he couldn’t fix the problem - that he was _part_ of it.

They didn’t fight about it now, not after that first time; they just stayed close and kissed. Loki would apologise sometimes, and other times it would be Tony who would say _I’m sorry_.

They would almost always sleep together on bad days too, simple moments in bed with each other. Sometimes it would be with Loki over him and keeping their eyes locked - caging him against the bed and whispering sweet words, saying _I love you_ and never requesting but always silently begging, _don’t leave_.

Other times it would be Tony riding him or with elaborate games and fantasies included, hours full of mindless pleasure and helpless groans before they collapsed together on the bed. Talking after about their favourite parts and what they wanted to repeat at a later date. It would eventually peeter out into planning their day tomorrow and other mindless chatter.

They were getting there slowly; it was _working_. It had only been four months and there were good and bad days.

Today, at least, was a good day.

It had been impossible for it to start wrong when they’d had to go shopping for a new chair. They’d broken the last one when being a tad too, ahem, _enthusiastic_ the previous evening

They’d had to go into town to hunt for a replacement. The drive into the nearest city was an hour or so away, and they’d been a few times. It was more like a large _town_ then a city after coming from Chicago, but with around thirty thousand people living there, it had enough amenities to cover everything they could reasonable need.

There was a smaller town and grocer closer, but it mostly served as a pit-stop for the surrounding houses and didn’t have much in the way of supplies.

The first few times they’d been into the city had been an interesting experience. Tony hadn’t had a particular image of Loki in mind, but when it came to public displays of affection, he didn’t know why but he hadn’t thought Loki would be overly enthusiastic for them.

But he was.

Loki held his hand, wrapped an arm around his waist and even kissed his cheek if he needed to leave him for a few minutes. Tony had been bemused the first few times it had happened until he recognised what it meant to Loki: _showing their relationship_. Loki was being allowed to tell everyone Tony was _his_ , and he was revelling in it.

Tony was just glad the people they’d been around hadn’t seemed overly or at least _openly_ homophobic. One old lady had actually _winked_ at him and told him his boyfriend was a _damn cutie_ , and Tony had gone pink in response.

Mostly, he just liked seeing the bright smile on Loki’s face and the way he would kiss the back of Tony’s hand and hold his gaze when they got back to the car. His eyes filled with gratitude and pleasure at being allowed to express himself that way. Tony would always lean over and kiss him and nothing more about it would be brought up as they made their way home.

But as the weeks had passed and Loki seemed to grow more confident in himself and their relationship, the touches had diminished. Loki still held his hand, but when he’d leave Tony to go to another shop or aisle, he would usually grab Tony’s attention with a touch to the shoulder or a squeeze to his hand. Tony wasn’t complaining; honestly, he was happy for _every_ inch of ground that got Loki closer to accepting he was staying for good.

It just meant _he_ was the one to kiss Loki’s cheek and touch him in public sometimes.

The first time he’d done it, he’d been greeted to seeing his lover’s surprised face before Loki broke into a grin and his cheeks heated lightly. Tony had followed his gesture with a wink before darting off to the next aisle. Loki had barely let him get a few steps before he’d caught Tony, and after a quick glance to confirm the area was empty, he had caught Tony’s cheeks and kissed him deeply. It hadn’t lasted long - public decency and low profiles needing to be kept and all that - but it had been a beautiful expression of the man under Loki’s anxieties: confident, determined, mischievous, and _brash_.

It was all about drawing it out of Loki.

There hadn’t been many occasions for it today though. They’d been browsing through furnishing stores for an hour, but Loki was _particular_. He was also an adorable little snob, and Tony had taken to finding the nearest chair to sit down in while Loki debated and quizzed the sales staff.

In the end, nothing had been good enough, and Loki was just going to order online through one of his (secure, Loki assured) accounts.

They’d been making their way back to their car when a commotion had drawn Loki’s attention like a moth to a flame. It wasn’t the curiosity of what had drawn the crowd; it was the very _specific_ series of sounds coming from that direction.

Back when they’d been explaining their lives to each other, Loki had also taken the time - and with much grumbling - to explain the story behind all of the photos Tony had pilfered from Odinson’s file. It was the one about the puppy that not only ached the most but came back to Tony now. Loki loved animals, _all_ animals, and the only reason he’d never owned a pet was that it had been too dangerous in the life he’d led. Loki had known that animals could be used against him far too easily, and so he’d suppressed his inclination for them.

The sound of yips and meowing however was too potent a draw to resist, and Tony had to pick up his pace to keep close to his lover who had zeroed in on the numerous dogs and cats that were surrounding volunteers. Loki had scanned the information and was listening to someone talking absently, but he was already up to his wrists in curious kittens.

Tony was the one who actually paid attention.

The local shelter was holding a fundraiser to try and increase adoptions; every pet they had with them was in need of a good home. They were having some success too as Tony saw a family purchasing a puppy that was excitedly licking a small, delighted child.

Tony had turned to nudge Loki into looking when he actually _caught_ his lover’s face. Loki looked just like the child, holding a little fluffball and smiling with such innocent delight as it tried to bat at his face with a tiny paw. He looked so happy that Tony had to put a hand on the nearby table to make sure he didn’t _melt_ over it.

“God damn it,” he whispered under his breath before looking around and gesturing with a finger at the nearest attendant.

It was a young woman whose smile got bigger and bigger as he talked. Tony kept glancing every few seconds over at Loki to make sure he wasn’t being noticed. He needn’t have bothered though; Loki only had eyes for the mixed collection of kittens that he and a few others were petting and holding.

It only took Tony about five minutes to settle the majority of things before he manoeuvred his way closer until he could stand beside Loki. He’d seen his lover petting a few different cats, but one in particular seemed to be the favourite.

The coat was [greyish-white](http://previews.123rf.com/images/SuzyM/SuzyM0707/suzym070700008/1254200-Seal-Point-Himalayan-Kitten-on-a-Gold-Background-Stock-Photo.jpg), with brown paws, tail, ears, and face. Tony held out his finger cautiously, and the kitten’s paw caught it. He smirked before scratching it on the head. “What kind of cat is this? Do you know?”

“Himalayan Persian,” Loki answered promptly with a sad little smile as he turned his attention to Tony. “I was distracted, Anthony, I apologise. I’ll put him back.”

Loki started to lower him, but Tony tapped his lover’s wrist in reproach. “Hold up there. You’ve picked your favourite, now let me have a look.”

Eyeing the collection of wandering, grooming, and meowing kittens, Tony’s eyes quickly snagged on a [mostly black cat](http://imagecache2.allposters.com/IMAGES/NPLPOD/1145736.jpg), but it also had a white mouth, nose, chest, and paws. It had attempted to bounce to the other side of their human-imposed cage and had instead managed to trip over another cat and go for a tumble. Tony had sniggered before reaching in and plucking the little klutz into his hands. He was quick to notice she was a girl and seemed confused by her change of surroundings. She meowed quizzically as if asking him what he’d done.

She was ridiculously light but looked healthy even if she was less fluffy than Loki’s. She was also trying to crawl out of his hold, her little head swivelling now that she was free; she was curious and taking in everything. Loki’s cat by comparison was eyeing her as if offended another had been lifted free. _Of course you get an arrogant cat_ , Tony thought fondly while moving his a little closer to his chest as if defending her. _You’ll teach him who the boss is_.

“Anthony, really,” Loki said softly, touching his shoulder with his free hand. Loki was smiling gently and trying to edge him closer to the table. He was already hiding all the honest longing he’d displayed before. “We should place them back so that they may find a home among the people here-”

“No can do, sweetheart,” Tony interrupted easily. “I don’t abandon or give away my kids.” He mock glared. “And I would have thought the same thing about you.”

Loki frowned, looking perplexed as his gaze darted between the kittens and Tony as if the dots just wouldn’t connect. When the attendant Tony had been speaking with earlier placed the clipboard down for signing, Loki’s eyes had widened. When she was confirming the spelling of their names and that the kittens they were holding were the chosen pair, Loki finally seemed to cotton on, clutching the kitten in his arms closer, as if fearing it would suddenly be plucked away. When they scrawled their signatures and were directed to the best place to buy pet supplies and given the name of recommended vet, Loki finally seemed to come out of his shocked daze.

He was still shooting Tony unreadable looks, but they were only becoming more intense as the seconds passed and they walked back from the fundraiser. It wasn’t until they were away from the crowd and back by their car with their two new travel cages containing kittens that Loki finally stopped him.

“Anthony, what? Why? We have _kittens_.”

Tony’s mouth twitched into a smirk as he settled the cats securely in the backseat. “Wow, with observations like that, I’m surprised you’re not a detective.”

“ _Anthony_ ,” Loki snapped, and Tony turned to face him with his eyebrows raised.

“Do you want the kittens?” he asked.

“That is not-”

“Do you _want_ the kittens?” He questioned firmly while stepping closer and placing his hands on his tense lover’s hips. “Because you looked like you fell in love with your little fluffy furball and I _know_ you’ve wanted to have a pet for years. Because I’ve never had one but I think it could be fun. Because seeing you so happy made me fall in love with you all over again. Because we’re giving these guys a great home rather than sending them back to a shelter. Because we’ve got the money and each other, so where’s the downside?”

Loki opened his mouth, probably to offer some kind of complaint, but Tony darted onto his toes so that he could capture Loki’s lips in a kiss. He could feel his lover frown slightly at the tactic before giving into the embrace, tugging him closer and softly, sweetly responding back.

When they pulled apart a few moments later, Tony smiled at him. “Come on. We’ve got to buy them a bunch of stuff, and settle them in, and _name_ them. I’m new to this whole pet thing; you’re going to have to show me the ropes. You’ve got to be the calm Father when I’m the 'terrified we’ve lost them’ Dad. Think you’re going to be able to handle it, sweetheart?”

Loki huffed out a laugh and leant their foreheads together.

“You indulge me far too much.” Loki told him with a sigh, all while looking incredibly pleased by the whole thing. He moved to the right slightly in order to kiss Tony’s cheek. “Thank you, my _Käresta_.”

“Don’t thank me yet. When they’re scratching up the furniture and purposefully missing the litterbox, I’m sure not going to be the one who gets in trouble.”

Loki laughed again before kissing him chastely one more time and pulling away. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Come on,” he directed him towards the passenger seat, drawing Tony’s attention to the faint meowing coming from the car already. “Let’s get the essentials and get them home as soon as possible.”

When Loki walked away there was an added spring to his step, an excitement and joy that was pouring out of him and making Tony unable to stop his wide and brilliant smile.

Yeah, some days were _so_ much better than others.

* * *

They returned home about an hour after they purchased the cats, having also bought numerous other things for the felines. There was so many items that Tony was surprised the car hadn’t buckled from the weight. There was even _more_ that still needed to be delivered to them as well as it seemed Loki did not skimp on his pets.

The moment they were inside the house and the door was shut though, Loki was opening both the cages and crouching on the floor, making clicking noises with his tongue to encourage the cats to come out.

Tony just sat down on the floor and was content to watch. He wasn’t prepared for a black blur to dart out of the cage towards him only to skid and collide with his shoe. Tony laughed loudly before picking up the squirming kitten who was trying to right herself. When he had her in his hands being contently petted, he looked up to find Loki’s cat making a much more regal and cautious exit, but he too made a beeline for his owner. He ended up with two front paws being placed on Loki’s leg as he meowed his request to be held and scratched. Loki instantly took a seat beside Tony and complied.

The kitten was soon arching into Loki’s hand and purring both loudly and dramatically. Tony couldn’t even bite down on his smile, it was so wide. He didn’t know who he wanted to look at more, their two happily purring kittens, or Loki’s completely mesmerised and thrilled expression at the fluffy cat in his hands.

But Loki was always going to win out.

“Your cat’s got an attitude,” Tony told him with a smirk. “That’s fitting: a royal little prince - no wait, an _emperor_. He knows cats were considered gods once, doesn’t he?”

Loki chuckled gently, before looking up at Tony. His face was completely open, and he was smiling so widely that his dimples were visible. “And yours seems prone to not looking before she leaps.”

“She lands on her feet,” Tony defended before glancing at her. “Don’t you, girl? You know how to pick yourself up again.”

“And what shall we name them?” Loki enquired before smiling at his kitten, his eyes constantly drawn to the squirming creature in his hands. “Caesar, I think will be fitting for him; selected into his position and full of power and prestige.” He smirked and placed the cat back on the floor. The cat shot Loki a look that was almost insulted. “And very unwilling to be told otherwise.”

Tony chuckled before placing his own down next to the other kitten. She got right up in Caesar’s face and meowed at him. He lightly tried to bat at her, and she _instantly_ took that to mean it was time to play and pounced on him. Tony watched them roll around on the floor as Loki let out delighted little giggles. Flicking his gaze to Loki, Tony felt his heart swell in his chest, and he wanted to do _everything_ to keep that light in his lover’s eyes and face.

_Name, name, she needs a-oh yeah, that’s good._

“We should keep with the great commander theme, yeah?” Tony responded lightly, eyeing his kitten and finding himself completely sold on her new name. He waited until she was free of Caesar before he snatched her up and held her towards Loki with a bright smile. Letting his lover stare into her confused face as he told Loki with a bright smile, “Say hello to little Billie Shatner.”

It took Loki all of a moment to catch the reference and grimace deeply. “Anthony, Anthony, _no_ -”

“She’s clumsy, she’s dramatic. She could totally lead a crew of the enterprise.” Rearranging his hold as she squirmed to try and get back to her brother. Tony put her down on the floor to chase after the other kitten, sniggering when she slid again on the tiles. “And who wants to use Kirk anyway? Too overused. But little Billie Shatner? That’s just perfect for her.”

“ _Billie Shatner_ ,” Loki repeated with the kind of pained grimace that Tony was helpless to do anything but lean forward and kiss. Loki’s hands automatically came to his sides and his to Loki’s shoulders as they slowly but deeply embraced.

It broke abruptly when Tony let out a small shriek and pulled back to find a _sharp-clawed cat_ climbing his fucking leg. Billie happily kept up her attempts to scale his thigh while Caesar was exploring the rest of the room and had made his way to the stairs where he was pressing his paws on the first step. Tony winced painfully, ignoring Loki’s laughter as he pulled her off, having to get Loki’s help to untangle a paw before placing her back on the ground.

She was happy to leave now that she’d gained the attention she’d craved and was making her way over to the nearest room with an open door.

Rubbing his thigh, Tony stood up, offering a hand, and pulling Loki to his feet as well. “Great. We’re going to be chasing them around the house for _months_. Shit.” Tony took off towards his workshop so that he could shut the door. That was _not_ kitten proof. “Are these going to be like kids?” He called through the house while shutting windows and doors. “Do we have to watch out for small objects until they’re like three years old? Or wait, what’s the cat to human years equivalent?”

His cursory check of the ground floor complete, he made his way back into the foyer, finding Caesar having conquered the third step and attempting to stop Billie from getting as high up as him. Figuring they would be safe from any fall they might have from such a short distance, he moved his attention to Loki.

Tony was preparing to reiterate his unanswered questions, but he stopped at the look in Loki’s eyes. He was starting directly at Tony, and he looked... Tony couldn’t even quantify what that expression was. It was a mixture of so many different things and so saturated with emotion that it made Tony tense even as his heart sped up.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re living with me,” Loki murmured before swallowing thickly.

Tony nodded slowly. “Yeaaah. Have been for four months.”

“You’re,” and Loki’s voice was rough with emotion; his eyes looked... fuck, were they _glassy?_ “You’re _living_ with me.” He sounded breathless. “We have _kittens_.”

_What the fuck is... **oh**._

It suddenly clicked in his mind: kittens. They had pets. Tony had unthinkingly bought them a physical sign of commitment and cemented his intention to stick around. Cats could live for twenty years, and Tony had just gone out and declared his intention to _stay that long_ , and he’d done it in a way that Loki couldn’t deny anymore.

Fuck, Loki’s mind had _finally_ gained the proof it needed to believe what Tony had been telling him from the beginning: _I picked you. I’m not leaving_.

Tony smiled slow and softly and made his way over to his lover, picking up his slightly clammy hands and linking their fingers. “Yeah. Yeah I am. You, me, and our two damn cats,” He stepped even closer and looked into his lover’s elated face. “We’re home.”

Loki’s mouth trembled as he tried to draw it into a smile before giving up and kissing Tony instead. He pulled his hands free so that he could cup Tony’s cheeks and deepen the kiss with his tongue. Tony just wrapped his arms around Loki’s neck in response, drawing him close, and enjoying the feel of his lover against him.

It lasted a long time, but when they eventually broke apart, Tony fluttered his eyes open to see Loki biting his lip and grinning. His eyes were bright and beautiful as he stroked his thumbs against Tony’s cheeks. “I’ve never been happier,” Loki admitted with a light chuckle. He kissed Tony again. “I love you.”

Tony grinned. “Love you too.”

Loki opened his mouth to say something else but a sudden desperate meowing drew their attention and they both looked over to the stairs to find Billie had gotten herself stuck between the break of the balusters. Caesar was watching the whole thing with detached curiosity. They instantly broke apart and made their way over.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Loki was cooing while Tony was trying not to imagine little, broken kitten bones.

There wasn’t panic in his voice. There _wasn’t_. “Is she okay?”

Loki sat down on the stairs and gently assisted her with long fingers and soft words. When she was free and wiggling in his arms, Loki smiled and handed her to Tony who quickly took and gently cuddled her.

“She’s fine,” Loki told him. “She’s just young, and with nothing but air on the other side, she didn’t know how to give herself the proper leverage.” Caesar had come over during Loki’s explanation and was now rubbing against Loki as he slid in between the gap between arm and side to get paws on Loki’s leg. Loki picked him up and stood from his seat on the stairs. “She would have discovered a way out eventually.” He reached out when he was close enough to pat Billie, already fondly exasperated. “I do believe she’ll be the one we’ll have to watch out for though.”

“She’s an explorer like her namesake,” Tony defended even while relief was rushing through him. “And I bet _Caesar_ encouraged her into it. He’s the leader of an army; he knows how to get people following his orders.”

Loki was shaking his head. “He’s a _cat_ , Anthony.”

“That makes him even more devious.”

Loki laughed and rolled his eyes. “Come on, you, bring Billie as well. We should show them their new beds and toys as well as get them familiar with the house. They need to come to see this as their territory and home.” He was already frowning as he made plans. “We’ll have to change the layout of the house slightly. Do you wish to have them sleep in the room with us or in a separate place? Actually,” he held out a hand, “give me Billie. I’ll need you to get the supplies for their litter tray. I suppose the laundry should be the best place for it. While you’re there, bring in everything else you can carry, Anthony.”

Tony sighed and handed over Billie with a final pat to her head. “Yes, dear.”

Knowing Loki was lost in thought, he just darted in and kissed his lover’s cheek. It derailed Loki just enough to come back to the room and actually _notice_ Tony. “I-”

“You already know I like you ordering me around,” Tony told him with a wink and making Loki swallow in memory, but he didn’t want to distract them down _that_ path, so he made a shooing gesture with his hands. “Go on, look after our kids while I get their stuff. I told you from the start you’d be the sensible parent.”

“They are _pets_ , not _children_ ,” Loki told him in a voice that said it was a token protest more than a genuine one. The way his eyes had flared with pleasure at _our kids_ had more than proven Tony could refer to them as ‘dads’ as much as he damn well wanted.

Tony had a feeling it was going to happen a lot when the litter box needed emptying, and he didn’t want to do it.

But he also had a feeling, a much more beautiful and _happy_ one, that told him that all those bad days they’d been having weren’t going to be showing up as much anymore.

Not when Loki looked at him like that: with love and belief - for the first time since they’d moved here, he had belief that Tony was _staying_. He looked at Tony like he didn’t have to be afraid or threatened about the memories and people from Tony’s past having more weight than he did anymore. That Tony’s commitment to the future and to Loki and their kittens was _stronger_.

Because they had a family now; a family that consisted of both of them and their _cats_ , but it was a _family_ all the same.

This time, it was Tony with a skip to his step as he made his way back out to the car, being told to ‘ _shut the door so they can’t get out, Anthony_ ’ and knowing there were going be a lot more instructions in his future too.

Tony didn’t mind in the slightest.

He was too busy having the best damn day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, you can help me by thanking HalcyonFrost for assisting with Billie's name. It only took like a half hour of us batting names around until we were happy and Billie found her name, haha. Caesar was just like "yes, that's it, done" at least.
> 
> I also linked the pictures in the chapter, but just in case, please meet [Caesar](http://previews.123rf.com/images/SuzyM/SuzyM0707/suzym070700008/1254200-Seal-Point-Himalayan-Kitten-on-a-Gold-Background-Stock-Photo.jpg) and [Billie](http://imagecache2.allposters.com/IMAGES/NPLPOD/1145736.jpg). Aren't they just little cuties? ~~_Like their Dads, omggg_~~ :3
> 
> AND LOKI FINALLY GOT IT THROUGH HIS THICK SKULL. Aren't we all happy as heck about this? ♥


	15. Post Fractals Accompaniment 6: Barnes finds Tony and Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky Barnes isn't the kind of person who gives up on a friend. He isn't the kind of agent that allows someone to escape his grasp. Bucky isn't about to stop his searching, not until he finds his best friend and the criminal that went and stole him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, a few of you have been asking about Bucky and the reactions of others and I have been smirking evilly for weeks because _oh hey, guess who shows up_. Whatever will this mean for our boys? Well, let's go see ;P

He hadn’t stopped searching.

It had been two years and where people had given up, packed up, _pretended Stark had never been part of S.H.I.E.L.D._ \- it wasn’t going to be the same with Bucky. 

He wasn't going to make it _easy_ for that fucker to escape; Bucky had refused to give up on Stark and so had Howard.

The wedding weekend had been spent free of phones, and it wasn’t until he’d arrived home again with Steve that Bucky had switched on his cell. He’d been smiling at his husband and shutting their apartment door - _god, in those few minutes he’d been so happy_ \- but it wasn't long before his phone was ringing frantically, and Bucky had been surprised to find it was Howard Stark’s number.

“Mr-” 

“Tony’s left.”

He sounded so worn, so genuinely devastated that Bucky had frozen, a chill running down his spine.

“What?” he’d whispered.

Bucky heard the other man swallow, and his voice was flat as he recounted, “His email begged me not to tell you until you were back. He wanted you to enjoy your weekend before you knew.”

“Knew _what?_ ” Bucky demanded, and his panic must have been audible because Steve had run into the room, looking worried and fierce. “What did he do? Where _is_ he?”

“I’ve been searching, but I can’t find him. He’s fled with Loki Laufeyson and gone into hiding and-”

“He... he,” Bucky couldn’t fathom it, his head a sea of noise as anger fought with shock. He couldn’t even begin to believe that Tony could have... would have.

“I’ve read your files on him, that _he_ was the one that saved and kidnapped Tony. I have my best people searching for them but I can’t _find_ him.” Howard’s voice was picking up, torn between hurt and _fury_ – yet layered with the anxiety of a parent losing a child. “James, I need you to help me find my son. I need to _inform_ him that he cannot simply _run away_.” He let out a hissed breath, and this time, his voice was calmer. “Please, search for a letter from him. Tony would have left you _something_.”

“I’m on it,” Bucky answered switching out of the call screen on his phone in order to check his emails, but there was nothing there. Steve was confused and trying to get his attention, but Bucky was ignoring him.

When he didn’t find anything on his phone, he gritted his teeth and tried to think. He quickly remembered Tony’s tight smile as he gave them their wedding gift. The _one_ item he knew they wouldn’t touch until they were back home. He hurried to the pile of items and pushed all others aside until he found Tony’s gift. He ignored the object, tossing it aside until he could look underneath it and the wrapping to find the letter.

Bucky had snatched it up and read it desperately, only feeling his heart fall as the words sunk in. He dropped back further against the couch, feeling numb and horrified. Steve had easily taken it from his loose grasp and read it. He quickly put everything together and picked up the phone to talk to Howard. 

Bucky had taken long minutes to pull himself together, his body feeling disconnected and his chest hollow. Tony was his best friend, his _brother_ , and all he could feel was overwhelming guilt for missing everything that could have lead to this.

 _Failure_ , his mind had hissed at him, _you’ve failed him, and now he’s a criminal’s **pet**._

He’d forced himself into action, making himself stand and snatch the phone back from Steve. “Give me every fucking report your people have given you. Give me a copy of his letter and get me access to JARVIS. He’s given you him, hasn’t he?”

“Yes,” Howard answered instantly. “But he won’t reveal Tony’s location, says he doesn’t know.”

“He’s loyal to Tony first and foremost; nothing will get him talking,” Bucky dismissed. “I don’t want his answers; I want his _software_. If there’s any part of Tony in there, he’ll have left something for us to track.”

Steve shook his head. “He says he’s in love-”

“He is not in love with that bastard!” Bucky snapped, glaring fiercely. “He’s messed with Tony’s head and fucked him up, and I’ll be _damned_ if I’m letting him get away with it. Whatever it takes, I’m getting Tony back.”

Bucky clenched his fist and shut his eyes, trying not to imagine it, imagine what Laufeyson was _doing_ to him, what he was _convincing_ him to do. Fuck, if he’d managed to get Tony to _leave_ , just how much more would he be able to...

But Bucky had needed to stop that thought in his tracks, then and multiple times over the first few weeks. He’d spent that time spitting fire and rage and ripping through every criminal’s lair, clenching his fists in the jackets of any snitch they had on file. He was using _every possible resource_ , and it was getting him nowhere.

It took Peggy suspending him to make him leave S.H.I.E.L.D.

It took Howard flying into Chicago and arguing with Bucky on Steve’s request to stop him from going across the Atlantic to get into Odinson’s face and _demand_ more than a couple of contrite emails' worth of help.

It took Steve pinning him to a wall and driving the point home with calm, repetitive words before Bucky could let himself accept what he’d been trying so hard to deny.

_Tony fell in love with Loki Laufeyson._

It was still difficult, even after Steve’s intervention. No one else knew that was the real reason behind the disappearance; just Howard, Steve, JARVIS, and Bucky.

Everyone else thought it was Stockholm Syndrome or another kidnapping he’d never escape from. Agents wouldn’t even _breathe_ the name Laufeyson near Bucky for fear of his reaction. People also started to act as if Tony was a ghost - as if he was a horror story to scare new recruits with so that they wouldn’t dare get close to a criminal.

Bucky just wanted to _say_ something, but they all knew why he couldn’t. If the truth spilled out, every case Tony had ever worked on would be overturned. The convictions could be deemed ‘unsafe,’ and a lot of nasty assholes could be released from prison. It wasn’t worth the risk, but it certainly smeared Tony’s name through the mud regardless.

He still found it hard to believe that _Tony_ loved fucking _Laufeyson_ though.

The letter he’d left Bucky helped slightly, but it also hurt. It didn’t mean he stopped reading it, stopped looking for a _clue_ as to where he was. Because Tony might have asked him ‘ _not to find him_ ’ but like _hell_ Bucky was letting that order go through.

Tony needed to be found, if only so Bucky could punch him in the fucking face.

The problem was that the letter didn’t give him anything to go on, no matter how many times he read it. He just felt guilty; horrified that Tony got to this point and never _trusted_ him to confess anything.

But then... his initial reaction had more than proved _what_ Bucky would have done - what they _all_ would have done: refused to believe him.

Because it didn’t matter if it was right in front of them, if it was leaking out of his eyes and bleeding out over his letter. Because how could Tony fall in love with a criminal? How could Bucky have _missed_ it?

How could Tony have run? But then the letter explained that too, didn’t it?

Bucky had even let Howard read it when he’d asked, handing it over simply and watching Howard’s face twist in as much pain as bitter affection.

“I hope he’s happy,” Howard had told him.

Bucky had just snapped back. “I hope he’s got something better to say for himself when I fucking find him.”

Howard had just smiled slightly, and they’d gone back to searching the globe for the two elusive men, but the letter still rattled around in Bucky’s head. Wearing him down along with Steve, convincing him _not_ to shoot Laufeyson on sight or drag him into S.H.I.E.L.D. the moment he found them. Convincing him to let Tony _choose_ whether he wanted to stay or come back. Bucky just needed to see it with his own eyes, to see Tony in love and _happy_ before he could fully accept that letter.

He’d never accept the fleeing without a bit more warning - without _talking_ to him, that little _fucker_ \- but Bucky could accept that Tony was in love, as long as he could just _see_ it. Because the letter wasn’t enough; words could always be lies.

The letter sounded like Tony, but how could he be sure?

 _Bucky_ , it had started; his first name worrying enough whenever it was said by Tony. _I’m so sorry that I’m doing this on the best day of your life. I’m so sorry I’m doing this at all because I never wanted to hurt you._

_You’re my best friend, and it’s so fucking sappy, but I really do love you._

_You grew on me like a parasitic plant, and that guy you call a husband isn’t bad at making me like him either. You’ll be good together, so don’t throw that away chasing after me. **Don’t** come after me._

_I know you hate him, Bucky; I know you won’t understand, but I, fuck, but I’m just... I’m in love with Loki. I’m sorry. But I can’t stop, I tried. I tried to stay away and pretend it didn’t happen, that everything wasn’t building up to this thing I couldn’t stop. But I can’t take it back; I don’t **want** to take it back._

_You told me you’d do anything for Steve to make him happy. I’d do anything not to hurt all of you like this, but I can’t let him leave without me. I can’t... I can’t break his heart by breaking mine._

_I’ll never stop thinking of you as my best friend. I’ll never stop missing you and hoping that you’re safe, but I can’t be the guy in your lab anymore. I can’t be Isaac Stark when it means not being with him._

_Please take care of yourself, Bucky. **Please** look after him, Steve. You need to keep him from doing something stupid when he reads this. God, and my father too, just, Steve, you’re going to have to look after them because I... I can’t stay here, I’m sorry._

_I’m going to miss you both, but I have to do this if I’m going to be happy._

_**He’s** the only thing that will make me happy._

_I’m so sorry._

_Your friend,  
Tony Stark._

Steve seemed convinced, kept pointing out ‘ _Tony’s smart, really smart, he won’t be easily led or swayed. Come on, you know this_ ’ and ‘ _You told me how upset Laufeyson was when Ultron took Tony. Maybe he already had feelings for him then?_ ’

Steve kept driving the point home, even got in Howard’s ear and pointed out ‘ _you can’t choose who you love_ ’ and ‘ _he’d find a way to send a message if he really needed help_ ’.

His husband was an advocate for happy endings. Bucky was an advocate for _having tangible proof_. It was why he’d worked so hard, worked with _Howard_ to dig and search and call in favours until finally, through nothing more than a _fluke_ , he found them.

It hadn’t been anything significant; it had been a ridiculously small thing, but it involved a small drug ring being brought down in Nevada. There weren’t any details on _how_ , just that there had been a tip off and the local police had been able to stop and arrest everyone involved. It was only when Bucky dug into the official reports that never hit the press that he noticed some of the flare, some of the dramatics, some of the _Tony Stark_ and _Loki Laufeyson_ lingering around the edges and he thought; _gotcha_.

It had been a lot harder to trace it back to the source, to do it in a way that wouldn’t let anyone know he’d found them. He’d spent the better part of four months narrowing them down to Idaho. It was another two weeks before he was able to pinpoint the house. 

(He also found other reports, things that were so hard to connect he wasn’t even sure if he was still grasping at straws. Little dominos falling all over the world as Tony found information and spread it carefully. As _Laufeyson_ played along with Tony’s wishes and helped - creating the explosions, flushing out the crooked cops, arranging the silencing of people who would never make it to prison and never stop their terror even if they did.)

When he showed up at the house, it was... not what he expected. It was picturesque and quiet. There was a _cat_ sleeping on the windowsill and basking in the sun. Bucky had eyed the house from a distance at first, knowing there wasn’t any way to conceal himself; Laufeyson had undoubtedly been behind that.

Bucky had checked it with heat seeking and every other possible technology freely given by Howard and his own S.H.I.E.L.D. gear to make sure he wouldn’t walk across a mine or be shot down before he could reach the front door.

But it was... unnervingly unprotected.

He didn’t remove any of his combat gear as he slipped silently across the front lawn until he could open the door and step inside. (It was so easy to find records with locksmiths and re-create their keys. So easy to find their new identities and read up on everything they’d done with them in the past two years. _Why was it so easy?_ )

The house was quiet enough, although he could hear muffled talking and even laughter. It sounded like _Tony_ , and Bucky’s cheek twitched, but he pushed his emotions down and stepped to the left and into the living area. The cat lifted its head and looked at him; it seemed to be glaring as its tail twitched against the cushions unhappily. It didn’t _do_ anything else, but it followed him with its eyes as Bucky stepped further into the room.

He’d intended to seek out Tony, but he froze when his eyes scanned the mantel. It was only day time, and the goggles he wore were crafted by Howard; he could switch between heat seeking, night vision, and numerous other settings, but he pulled them onto his head as he stepped closer, still needing to see it with his _own eyes_ to believe it.

There were picture frames across the entire surface: some were of Tony and Howard, others were of Tony and _Bucky_ , Tony and other members of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Colonel Rhodes who Bucky had only met once. They were pictures taken and kept from the life he’d fled from. There was even one of a younger Laufeyson and a woman that Bucky knew from the case files to be his adoptive mother.

But it was the other ones, the _new_ ones that took all of Bucky’s attention.

There was Tony and Laufeyson standing by a Christmas tree in horrible sweaters. Laufeyson was attempting to wear an expression of pained resignation, but his eyes were too happy, too solely pleased at seeing the smile on Tony’s face.

The next photo had a different cat - or rather, a kitten - standing on top of Laufeyson’s head. He was lying down on a bed while the cat tried to crawl onto his face. Its white paws were mostly on his forehead, but there was one covering his scrunched closed eye. He was scowling and looking up at the animal where he could, but he was likely just posing and allowing the clambering as Tony took the picture. Bucky could practically _hear_ Tony laughing as he snapped the photo.

There were others, all filled with affectionate moments between them, but there was one that caught Bucky’s eye, so much so that he couldn’t stop himself from picking it up and holding it in his gloved hand as he stared at the moment caught within.

This hadn’t been taken by either of them. They were at some kind of event and caught off guard. Laufeyson had his arm wrapped around Tony’s waist, and his smile was impossible to miss as he pressed a fierce, loving kiss to Tony’s temple. It looked like he’d reeled the other in just so that he could hold him close. Tony was pressed against Laufeyson and had the softest, _happiest_ expression on his face that Bucky had ever seen. Bucky could actually _see_ Tony’s heart flaring with warmth, with _love_ at the gesture.

It was a look that Bucky had seen on his own face, when he looked at Steve.

Bucky was so busy staring, so busy sweeping his gaze over the other pictures before being drawn back to the one in his hand that he almost didn’t register the footsteps and the chatter getting closer. When he did though, it was just in time to put the frame on the mantle and to shift backwards just enough to face the doorway as they stepped into the room.

He’d been out of their sight, they wouldn’t have seen him, and Bucky took great care to keep his face blank as he waited for their reaction as he _watched_ them.

They were dressed casually, loose fitting pants and shirts with bare feet and easy smiles. Right until they saw him. Tony faltered, his eyes going wide and his face paling. Laufeyson however, he froze; all the relaxation and amusement in his gaze dropping away before he moved, both pushing Tony behind him and stepping in front of him. _Protecting_ Tony.

Tony’s hand came up, gripping Laufeyson’s arm so tightly it had to hurt, but Laufeyson didn’t even flinch. Tony looked like he was having trouble taking Bucky in. His eyes were darting over him like he thought Bucky was a mirage. Bucky wanted to do the same, to reach out and shake and hug Tony so hard he couldn’t _breathe_ , but he held himself firm. He made his gaze _focus_ on Laufeyson; if anyone was going to be a threat, it would be him.

But... unlike what Bucky expected, Laufeyson didn’t look angry, he didn’t look ready to intimidate, he looked almost _panicked_. There was an overwhelming storm of emotions going on behind his eyes, and none of them screamed hostility.

Bucky looked between the two of them, seeing guilt and helpless longing flash across Tony’s face, and it was enough to make him speak, his voice rough with so much emotion; so much _fury_ at what Tony had put them through. “You left, without a fucking goodbye. You... I thought...”

“Think whatever you need to, agent,” Laufeyson murmured, his voice quiet but firm. The same coldness Bucky was used to but that he _hadn’t_ heard when the criminal had walked up the hallway with Tony. “Think anything possible if it will keep Anthony safe.”

“Loki!” Tony protested, snapping his head to him with eyes that looked horrified and a grip on his arm that only got stronger.

Laufeyson only further angled himself in front of Tony, ignoring him entirely to lock beseeching eyes on Barnes. “I don’t know if you have S.H.I.E.L.D. agents waiting to break through the door, but I implore you: blame me. Blame me for everything possible and _assure me_ that Anthony will be safe, and you will have me without any fight or harm to anyone.”

“ _Loki_.” Tony sounded like he’d been punched in the chest, his face a picture of dismay. Bucky could see the way Laufeyson’s shirt was bunched a little as if clenched in a fist from behind.

“Anthony, be quiet,” Laufeyson ordered him softly, all without taking his eyes from Bucky. “Assure me of this, agent,” he said louder, “and you’ll have me.”

Bucky believed it too.

Laufeyson was faintly begging with his eyes, throwing himself on life imprisonment, on a _death sentence_ if he could be certain Tony would be okay. When he probably knew it was a hopeless wish, that if S.H.I.E.L.D. really was there, Bucky couldn’t do shit if they wanted to throw Tony in jail too. But he was trying; even now, he was trying to protect _Tony_.

Tony looked like he wouldn’t be accepting that outcome without a fight though. He was probably already planning ways to help, to legally and _illegally_ fight any kind of conviction they tried to throw at Laufeyson. He looked like he’d fight just as hard to protect _Loki_ , regardless of what his lover might say about it.

It was... it was really fucking relieving to see. That stubborn resolve and general ‘give no fucks’ attitude that proved it was _Tony_ , to prove his best friend was still under there... even if he’d made a terrible decision picking his romantic partners and was an _idiot_ about who he could trust.

Swallowing, Bucky felt a pressure that had been lingering around his chest finally release. 

“Tony.” He waited until his friend could drag his eyes away from Laufeyson. He looked haunted and worried and was pleading just as much as Laufeyson. He looked like a man in love who was hoping for lenience and looking like he doubted he’d get it. He looked like _Tony_ , and Bucky’s fingers itched to hug him. To yell at him. To snap at him ‘ _thanks a lot for the fucking trust_ ’.

“I worked with your dad to find you,” Bucky eventually said, watching Tony go bright for a second at the mention of his father before turning back to guilty and uncertain. 

He glanced at Laufeyson before cautiously asking, “How... how is he?”

“As _furious_ as me,” Bucky told him simply, watching a sheepish look cross his face. It was the one that always surfaced when Tony did something he knew he shouldn’t but wasn’t taking back or regretting. It made Bucky sigh. “Call your Dad. Call _me_ on an untraceable phone.” He flicked his eyes to Laufeyson, his voice going a little colder, but he was unable to help it. “I’m sure he still has enough connections to manage it.”

Laufeyson’s eyes narrowed, purely in confusion and suspicion. Tony just looked shocked. “That’s... that’s it. You’re letting us... go?”

“I don’t like him. I don’t like what you did. I don’t like the fact I _know_ what he's done but can’t prove it.” He clenched his fists before releasing them and continuing, “But you don’t work for S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore, and I don’t chase after dead ends.” He paused and glanced between the two of them. “Not when they’re being influenced into doing _good_ things for the moment.”

They both stared at him; Laufeyson’s lips were thin, but he gave a small, firm nod; acknowledgment of the conditions of the reprieve and gratitude at being given it at all.

Tony though, he looked like he couldn’t fathom it for long moments before he yanked out of Laufeyson’s hold and flew at him. Bucky was able to catch, just for a moment, the attempt Loki made to stop him before halting his own motions. The fierce stab of _pain_ and _worry_ at letting him go before he hid the fear from his face.

The feeling of Tony colliding with him in a hug also distracted Bucky, making him look down at the smaller man in his arms and wrap around him just as tightly, the both of them gripping each other enough that it almost hurt.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but I had to leave, Bucky,” Tony rambled out in a whisper against Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m so fucking sorry. I love him. I love him so much, and you couldn’t understand, not with S.H.I.E.L.D., not with everything, but he’s _good_ , Bucky. He’s so good, and you just,” he pulled back and held Bucky’s gaze. “You just don’t know it. But he _is_. I couldn’t... I can’t...”

“I am still _so_ angry at you,” Bucky interrupted him before pulling him back into another hug and hissing against his ear. “But I’m just so glad you’re _okay_.”

Tony made a choked of noise in his throat and dug his fingers into Bucky’s back.

Bucky let himself enjoy the moment, closed his eyes for a few seconds to absorb the feeling before he was opening his gaze again to keep an eye on the man he would never fully trust. But he just... Bucky found it hard to place the man in front of him in the same category as the criminal he’d hunted for so long.

Laufeyson looked... awkward. He hadn’t moved, but he looked like he was straining out of his skin, his fingers twitching to take Tony back into his hold. It was the same need Bucky had felt himself when Steve or Tony was under threat. It was a desire to keep them close so they couldn’t be taken away. That feeling was almost overwhelming, but there Laufeyson was, forcing himself to remain apart, to give them the time to reconnect. To let Tony have what he wanted.

He really was in love.

 _Tony_ had made a _criminal mastermind_ fall in love and choose _him_ over _crime_.

 _Only Tony_ , he thought fondly before making himself pull back. He placed a hand on his friend’s neck and told him gently, “I would have helped you, if you told me.”

Tony let out a rough laugh. “No, you wouldn’t.” He smiled shakily. “Not until it was too late for us to be happy, not for us to still be friends. But it’s okay, I know you would have tried.”

Bucky smiled before letting him go and stepping back. He didn’t go to the door though; he walked around Tony and made a direct path towards Laufeyson. He had tensed and was watching Bucky warily, but he didn’t try to move. When Tony made a protesting sound, Loki raised a hand and gestured at Tony.

“Let him, Anthony,” he requested, and it actually made Bucky’s mouth twitch in a bitter kind of amusement.

He stopped before the criminal, their feet almost touching he was so far into Laufeyson’s personal space.

“You love him?”

“Yes,” he admitted instantly.

“You’re going to let him contact me and his father?”

“That will always be his decision.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes and pressed again, “But will _you?_ ”

There was a brief hesitation, and Laufeyson darted his eyes towards Tony before drawing them back to Bucky. “If it won’t compromise him, if it won’t _hurt_ him, then yes.”

Bucky smiled, but it was a dark one. It didn’t reach his eyes, and it promised that no word that followed was an idle one. “If you go back to who you were, if you _think_ to hurt or betray him, I’ll rip him from you. I will make it impossible for you to see him again, find him or even _know_ what’s going on in his life. I’ll help him get over you, and I’ll tell you all the ways that he does.” Bucky leaned closer. “You love him, and I know just as well as you do, how much _loving_ something makes them your weakness.”

Laufeyson was gritting his teeth, his eyes flaring just like they did in his office when Bucky had confronted him. The difference was that this time, he swallowed it down. “Your friend is my lover and is _safe_ with me, Agent Barnes.”

“Good.” Bucky told him, but added one final warning. “But if that changes. If you fall out of love with him and become even the _slightest_ threat to his wellbeing.” He grinned with teeth. “I’ll find a way to imprison you for the criminal we all _know_ you are, regardless of a lack of evidence to prove it.”

Loki actually smiled back, just as full of violence and dislike. “I have no intention of losing Anthony, but take heed, James Buchanan Barnes; I remember those who threaten me.”

“Good,” Bucky _relished_ the idea. “I’d hate to be forgotten.”

“Oookay,” they were both drawn away from their glaring match by Tony touching their arms and looking worried. “Can we finish the verbal smack down now? I’m getting really fucking stressed that one of you will draw a knife and start battling it out on our floor.”

Laufeyson was the first to appease him, smiling and taking Tony’s hand to link it. “Your friend means to protect you, nothing more. Let him have his words, I have no intention of enacting them.”

It was so _painstakingly affectionate_ that it made it so hard to stay worried for Tony. It made him think Tony was actually, truly _safe_ with Laufeyson. He’d seen it for himself, how dedicated Laufeyson was to keeping him protected at all costs. But he just... he worried. How could he not?

“I should leave,” Bucky announced moving to step away, but Tony gripped him harder.

“What? No! You’ve just... it’s been _two years_. Just. Please tell me what’s going on with everyone? Five minutes?” He looked at Laufeyson desperately. “Let him stay five minutes.”

Laufeyson looked at him, calculations going through his mind, probably similar ones to Bucky’s. They all knew they couldn’t afford for anyone else to find them. Laufeyson surprised him though, when he announced, “Fifteen, but stay indoors - it’s more fortified.”

He turned to Tony and bent forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek and lingering. He murmured something Bucky couldn’t quite make out, but it made pain flash across Tony’s face. He turned and caught Loki’s face when he tried to move away and kissed him once, chastely, on the lips. “I’ll be here when you’re back.”

Laufeyson smiled briefly, unbelievably, before turning on his heel and disappearing into another room. When Bucky looked at Tony, it was with a frown that Tony answered sadly, “He worries you’ll convince me away. He always worries I’ll find a reason not to stay.”

“But you love him,” Bucky pointed out.

“Yeah,” Tony laughed a little and shook his head. “But he thinks I could do so much better than him. You’re kind of his version of a glaring spotlight that’s shining in my face, ready to prove it and encourage me away.”

Bucky snorted. “I couldn’t change your mind if I tried.”

“Yeah, well, he spent his whole life being told he could never get anything unless he stole it. So he started listening.” His smile was achingly sad. “It’s hard to break that habit, even after I’ve taught him how to know better.”

“He was still a criminal.”

Tony glared at him. “Not the way you think. Not... not as much as we thought - just, trust me on this, Bucky. He’s not as bad as you believe.”

Bucky didn’t comment on that. “You wanted to hear about everyone.” He flipped open a pocket in his combat vest and pulled out a phone, holding it between them. “You should talk to Howard.”

Tony eyed the phone like it was a snake. “How about no. How about _later_. How about I talk to you first? We’ll sit down, have a coffee, catch up, you’ll yell at me, and we’ll figure out a way to keep in contact this time.”

“Tony-”

“I can’t talk to him yet, _okay?_ ” Tony swallowed and glanced away. “I just... I need to be ready for that. I wasn’t ready for _you_ , but fuck. I just. I’m happy to see you, _so happy_.” He gripped Bucky’s shoulder as if he still couldn’t quite believe it, “but I can’t right now.” His eyes danced over to where Laufeyson had left by before back to Bucky. “Can we just talk first?”

Bucky didn’t want to push it. He was just happy to have his friend beside him again. “Yeah. We’ll talk.” His mouth twitched up. “Steve says he owes you a hard hug and a fast punch.”

Wincing, Tony rubbed his jaw as if anticipating the hit. He also started gesturing them over to a couch so that they could take a seat. Tony’s eyes were bright as Bucky started recounting what had happened to their mutual friends in the time he’d been gone. He was leaning close, laughing at all the applicable moments as Bucky steered clear from any of the ones that might sadden him.

He had fifteen minutes with his best friend before Laufeyson was back, before he had to _leave_ , before secret associations and further lying to S.H.I.E.L.D came into play. It wasn’t like he was going to say _no_ , it wasn’t like he really cared.

But it still seemed anti-climatic somehow.

Steve had told him what he’d likely expect for months now, and yet, he still hadn’t believed it was what he’d find. A mastermind and his ever pushing, ever striving, and _unconfined_ best friend had... settled down.

There were cats and photos and _domestic bliss_ , and Bucky still didn’t quite know how to handle it. He wanted to shout at Tony, he wanted to hug him close, but in the end, he just quietly sat down talking to him.

It ended up being for half an hour, but when he left the house with another tight hug and a promise to contact him via a burner, Bucky was feeling... accepting of the whole thing.

He had his proof; he had Tony back. It wasn’t the same as before, and he’d still keep an eye on Laufeyson to make sure it was _remaining_ mutual, but for now, it would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. So. I am ridiculously tired so that might be colouring my opinion of this chapter. I used to like it a lot, now I'm not sure if certain parts come out right. I think it's the sleepiness talking, but let me know if you think any differently :) I hope you enjoyed the update!


	16. Post Fractals Accompaniment 7: The one where Howard shows up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's once discovered, can't stay hidden. Stark men aren't to be kept on the sidelines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting this from an airport in full range of the public. Feel very honoured all of you, this is how much I like you XD ~~Good thing it's not a smutty chapter, haha. (Whoops. Spoiler.)~~

Agent Barnes’ appearance had been beyond distressing.

It had shot fear and devastation throughout Loki’s limbs when they’d found the man in their home. He’d pressed Anthony behind him, knowing instantly that he’d lost his lover but still trying to do _something_. Knowing it was his own fault for letting his attention slip, letting his protection of them waver, letting Anthony’s constant need to _help_ people compromise their safety.

But then Banes had surprised him. Barnes had... let them go.

He’d threatened, delivered words Loki had already feared upon seeing him, but then he’d let them remain.

Loki had stood nervously in the kitchen, unable to even make tea or pay attention to Billie rubbing his leg. He’d watched the hand of the clock move and kept himself from rushing into the living room by listening to the faint sounds of conversation. When he’d heard it grow softer, when he’d heard feet padding towards the foyer, he’d been rigid, ready to run at the slightest shout from his lover, but there had been nothing.

When Anthony had stepped into the kitchen and told him, ‘ _he’s gone_ ’, Loki had darted over to Anthony and wrapped the other man in his arms, kissed him and held on tightly so that he wouldn’t slip through Loki’s fingers.

He’d still been expecting it; the sudden arrival of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents come to take his lover away and throw him in jail.

But there were no other disturbances. He set up numerous alarms, fortified the house as much as possible, but nothing happened.

Not for the rest of the day, not in the evening, _nothing_.

When Anthony eventually coaxed Loki into taking him on their bed - soft and slow and blissful with Anthony’s words of love being gasped out on every breath, it might have unwound some of his tension, but it was still difficult to relax or sleep. He managed a few hours but ended up awake before the sun and drinking coffee in the living room, staring into space but seeing Agent Barnes - knowing that one way or another, the life they’d had for two years wouldn’t be the same anymore.

He just didn’t know _what_ would be in store.

It was as Loki was contemplating that thought that he saw and _heard_ a car coming down their driveway. Loki went tense and eyed the approaching vehicle with blood pounding in his ears. He put down his cup carefully, all while knowing it could be unrelated. Neighbours visited them, strangers who were lost even, it didn’t have to be _anything_ , but he still catalogued where all the weapons in the room were and shifted out of range of the window without blocking his own visibility.

Loki didn’t know what he expected, but when the car parked and a man stepped out of the driver’s side, his eyes went wide in recognition. He still flicked his gaze to the photo on the mantel before back at the furiously striding man.

_Oh dear. It **is** him._

Loki quickly made his way to the front door, swallowing and running a hand over his shirt and one through his hair. Trying to compose himself as his heart raced for an entirely different reason. He reached the door just as the first fist pounded on it. He quickly unlocked and pulled it open to face the elegantly dressed and grey-haired man before him.

“Good morning, Mr Stark.”

The glare he was faced with wasn’t a good start. “Where is Tony?”

“Asleep,” Loki answered carefully, well aware any chance for a good first impression had been lost the moment he’d stolen away with the other man’s son. “I can wake him, if you wish?”

“Do that,” Howard Stark commanded and took a step forward, making Loki automatically open the door wider and stand to the side so that Anthony’s father could step inside.

Loki swallowed and shut the door, refraining from showing his nerves as he turned back to the other man. “Would you like a coff-”

“I want my _son_ ,” he snapped, turning to face Loki and glare heatedly. “I won’t ask again.”

Loki winced a little at the frosty tone but nodded. “Of course.”

Turning on his heel, Loki made his way through the house at a quick pace until he could reach the room with his sleeping lover. Anthony was in the middle of the blankets, hugging Loki’s pillow to his chest and wearing nothing but low-riding boxers. Caesar had crept into the room and was sleeping at the foot of the bed.

Pressing a knee against the mattress, he placed a hand to Anthony’s shoulder and shook him slightly while calling out his lover’s name. It took a few seconds before Anthony was roused enough to mutter petulantly and open an eye.

“Lokes?” He mumbled, “Wha? S-early. Wh-”

“Your father is here.”

Anthony was still half asleep so it took a few seconds and a couple of blinks for the words to register. When it did, he pushed up in the bed, his eyes going a little wide. “What? My Dad? When did he-”

“ _Tony_.”

They both stiffened and looked back towards the doorway, seeing Howard clearly thanks to the morning sun glowing through the closed curtains.

“Dad,” Tony said roughly and that was all it took for Howard Stark to come striding forward. Anthony barely got a chance to get into a sitting position before his father was engulfing him in a hug that Anthony quickly responded to.

“You _stupid_ boy,” Howard hissed.

Anthony let out a light laugh, but his eyes looked slightly damp. “Gee, _thanks_.”

“I would have helped you; I would have _concealed_ him,” Howard continued, making Loki stiffen from the place he’d moved to in the corner. “You didn’t need to _leave_.”

Anthony let out a shaky breath before pulling back slightly. “Yeah, I did. I’m sorry, I just... the pressure would have destroyed us. I couldn’t- we needed-” Tony glanced over at Loki and smiled softly before looking back at Howard. “We needed to do this alone; it was the only way our relationship would have survived.”

“You were kidnapped by a criminal,” Howard growled, and Loki couldn’t stop his flinch, “I didn’t think you _had_ much of a relationship before this.”

“ _Dad_ ,” Anthony complained. “It wasn’t _like_ that.”

“It was _exactly_ like that, and I read James’ files on the matter.” Howard sent Loki another distrustful look before focusing back on his son. “He may have saved your life, but you cannot _possibly_ tell me that it wasn’t abduction.”

Anthony opened his mouth, probably to try to argue, but Loki quietly interjected, “It was done by force and without permission, yes, but I did it with the best of intentions.” He had both Starks staring at him now, and neither looked happy. “He was in danger, and I informed Anthony of that at the first moment I could. He was well aware that he could leave.”

Howard had moved to sit beside Anthony on the bed, still close enough to touch - his hand was resting on his son’s shoulder - but they weren’t hugging anymore.

“And those intentions - how infatuated with my son were you at that point?” Howard demanded, his eyes intense and every inch the man who ran his own business empire.

Anthony made a protesting groan, but Loki kept himself composed as he answered honestly, “I was falling in love with him.”

“Did you apply _pressure_ to my-”

“Fucking hell, Dad, no, he _didn’t!_ ” Anthony interjected with a dark scowl. “He wouldn’t fucking touch me unless I was the one who was instigating it. I don’t have Stockholm Syndrome, _Christ_.”

“Anthony,” Loki told him gently, trying to force a shaky smile, “it’s a valid concern. It’s-”

Anthony was already shrugging off his father’s hold so he could turn to better face Loki. “ _No_. I’m sicking of hearing it or watching people _think_ it when it’s nowhere near the truth.” He looked back at Howard who was sitting in contemplative silence. “I love Loki. I’m sorry what I did hurt you, and I’ve missed you too, but I still love him. It’s not going to change just because you _want_ it to.”

Loki’s chest flared with warmth, with adoration for the man before him and relief at hearing it said openly and with every intention Anthony had for _staying_.

He had planned to give them space, to give Howard enough time to soften a little before coming near him or Anthony again in his presence, but Loki’s feet were moving without his permission until he could get to the bed and reach out for Anthony, running his fingers through his lover’s hair before bending down and kissing his temple, closing his eyes and savouring that soft touch.

When he went to pull back, he was stopped by Anthony’s hand on his wrist. He was tugged firmly until he gave in and sat down on the mattress beside his lover. It put him across from Howard Stark’s steely gaze and made him feel like a teenager meeting his date’s protective parents. He could feel a cold sweat breaking out but did his best to ignore it.

Howard Stark couldn’t stop their relationship, but he could make it difficult. Loki found himself reaching for Anthony’s hand and sliding their fingers together, receiving a squeeze of comfort from his lover. He didn’t look at Anthony, but he felt... better slightly. Loki didn’t want to think that Howard Stark would separate them... but he also knew the man had the power to do just that if he decided to.

“You left your whole life behind for this man,” Howard remarked, looking between them thoughtfully, “You gave up the life you carved on your own, away from Stark Industries and any association with me. You left everyone you knew... just to have _him_.”

Howard focused on Anthony, his face blank and his eyes hard. They were filled with a multitude of thoughts, but Loki didn’t know the man well enough to guess at them. He could only endeavour to look ready for anything, all while clenching Anthony’s hand and preparing for the worst.

It was the work of a moment for Howard’s mouth to quirk, a gesture that was so intensely similar to Anthony that Loki took but a moment to understand it. 

Howard sighed heavily and shook his head. “You always have been overly dramatic, Tony.”

“What!?” Anthony squawked. “I have not!”

“You ran away like a hormonal teenager swept up in their first romance. For God’s sake, Tony, you put us through hell when you could have just _asked_.”

“It _wouldn’t have worked_ ,” Anthony protested petulantly.

“I understand keeping it from James, but _me?_ I am your _father_ ; I am _meant_ to be there to help you.”

“We knew what we were doing,” Anthony grumbled, sounding like a chastised child as he glared down at the sheets. It was _fascinating_.

Loki had never seen that side of his lover, and it made a small smile creep across his face. A smile that, he had to admit, was tainted heavily with relief. While Howard might not have accepted _him_ , he at least seemed to be willing to forgive Anthony for leaving. That was a start.

“It can’t be altered now,” Howard stated before standing up, his eyes travelling over Tony who flushed suddenly, making Howard’s eyebrows rise. His attention then shifted to Loki who was exceedingly glad he had dressed before leaving the room. “You offered me a coffee.”

“Yes, sir.”

The honorific made Howard smirk slightly. “We’ll leave my son to dress while you make it.”

Loki didn’t attempt to argue; he let go of Anthony’s hand and made to get off the bed. Anthony pulled him down quickly to kiss his cheek and whisper, “It’s okay. He’s not going to hurt us.”

He flicked his eyes to Anthony and offered a smile. He couldn’t quite believe it, but he didn’t want to disappoint or worry Anthony. He stood and made his way around the bed, gesturing for Howard to precede him.

The other man made his way out of the room with Loki close behind. He knew Howard would have seen the kitchen on his search for Anthony. Loki _also_ knew that getting him alone would be an excuse for Howard to talk to him, to quiz and threaten him if need be.

Unlike with Agent Barnes, where the mere thought of him in their house made Loki's skin crawl, with Howard Stark, he just wanted to... to _impress_ him. Loki wanted Howard to _like_ him, and while he knew it was pathetically unlikely to happen, he still wanted to try. This was his lover’s father; Anthony’s only living relative and someone he had missed over the last two years. Anthony cherished the relationship he had with Howard; no matter how little he admitted it. Loki wanted to try and gain his approval, and not only for Anthony’s sake.

He knew it wouldn’t take long for Anthony to dress, so he took a fortifying breath and quietly asked the other, “What do you wish to ask me?”

Howard looked behind him. “You’re not even going to try to avoid it?”

“Why would I do that?” Loki questioned as they reached the kitchen and he made his way to the coffee machine. “You’re his father, and you have plenty of reasons to doubt me. I can’t promise to make you feel better about our relationship.” He turned to face Howard once he’d switched the machine on, leaning back against the counter and purposefully keeping his arms at his side - his body open. “But I can try.”

Howard didn’t hesitate after that. “Why him?”

“Why not him?” Loki asked with a faint smile. “He’s charming, intelligent and he very nearly caught me. I was intrigued to find out who in S.H.I.E.L.D. was so clever. When I found him, I couldn’t turn away.”

“And it was enough to give up everything you forged?” He narrowed his eyes. “I built my own empire. It’s not a simple thing to discard something like that.”

Loki acknowledged it with a nod. “I carved that path because when my mother died, no one expected anything better. I was good at it, and I enjoyed the power and notoriety - but I was never happy. I was amused and successful, but not happy.”

“But Tony made you happy.”

“Anthony reminded me that I _could_ be happy.”

Howard tapped his fingers on the bench he was standing beside, all while pinning Loki like a bug with his eyes. “You left it for him.”

“I was leaving it before I had him,” Loki corrected. “I never expected he would choose me, and I was surprised when he did.” The memory brought an automatic smile, soft, fond, _loving_. “I was leaving because I would never be happy in that life. I would never be happy _without_ him, and I knew it. At least in giving up my criminality, I could feel like I was honouring him in some way.”

“What would you do if my son wanted to leave you?”

Loki’s heart fell; it was an instinctive reaction, and his face showed it as well. He’d been purposefully letting Howard see his every emotion, but he regretted it when the innate pain and desolation flashed through his eyes. He dropped his gaze until he could get himself under control. He still licked his lips and admitted, “I’d let him.”

Turning away from the other man as well as the confession, he busied himself with getting down two cups, one for Howard and one for Anthony. When they were placed by the machine and he couldn’t stop it any longer, he turned back to the other man.

Howard was watching him almost gently. “You clearly love my son.”

“I do,” he answered simply.

“Then don’t _ever_ make him disappear again without a _damn_ good reason. Do you understand?”

Loki grimaced slightly, but nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Good.” Howard answered before moving his attention off Loki and to the kitchen they were in. “Well, at least you’ve helped him get better lodgings.”

“My apartment was _fine_ ,” Anthony quickly argued, moving out of the hallway in a gesture that was _completely_ unsubtle and proved he’d been listening. He made an automatic beeline for Loki and wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed his neck.

Anthony had slipped into pyjama pants and a shirt that was far too big for him and very _obviously_ Loki’s. It made Loki wrap an arm around him as well, squeezing his hip in gratitude and comfort.

“Your apartment was abysmal,” Howard answered simply before getting derailed as he looked at the hallway. “When did you acquire cats?”

Loki looked over Anthony’s head to see Billie had followed him. She had probably been hiding somewhere in the bedroom but was now making her way towards Howard curiously. Caesar, on the other hand, was likely still sleeping and unwilling to grace them with his presence until at least noon.

“A few months after we moved in, that’s Billie,” Tony answered.

“How do you have your coffee, Mr Stark?” Loki enquired not long after, knowing the machine was almost ready.

“Milk, no sugar.” He paused. “And I suppose it should be Howard; you’ll be my son-in-law soon enough.”

Loki almost dropped the spoon he’d been picking up he was so startled. When he snapped his head to the other man, it was to find Howard had picked up the cat and was smirking mischievously. There was so much _Anthony_ in that single gesture that Loki felt exceedingly poleaxed. 

His lover however, just whined and covered his face, “ _Dad_.”

“Son, you live with him, you have _pets_ with him, and you look at him like he’s your entire world. And, I assure you, he does the same.” He scratched behind Billie’s ears, while looking at them with great amusement. “I might as well just prepare for the inevitable.”

Loki felt his cheeks heat; he couldn’t help it, and when he glanced at Anthony, he found his lover was blushing even darker. Mortified the way a child always was by their parent making an astute observation that neither of them had talked about yet.

_Marriage._

The idea still sounded so... unbelievable when applied to him and Anthony. In the end, he just chose to ignore it and made the coffees, Anthony equally side-stepped that statement by asking him, “How’s Pepper handling you up and leaving the company?”

“I told her I found you, and she told me not to come back for at least a week.”

“Yeah, that sounds like-” his fond reply was cut off as his eyes widened. “A week? You’re going to stay a _week?_ ”

“You have been missing for two years; you’re lucky I don’t stay a _month_ ,” Howard informed him.

Anthony made a high-pitched noise before turning to Loki. “He can’t leave the house; people will _know_ him. Fuck. The guest room isn’t ready. _Shit_. I don’t know if we have enough dinner for three.”

Bemused, Loki let Anthony pull away from him and dive for the fridge as he continued rambling about various mundane things. He placed the coffee down in front of Howard who was watching Anthony with perplexity.

He shifted his attention however to give it to Loki. “I never expected to see Tony domesticated.”

“I assure you, it’s not him alone who has achieved that status.”

Howard chuckled. “Show me your house, Loki. I would like to see the kind of life my son has made with you.”

 _Ah_ , Loki thought. _I haven’t won him over yet._

Loki was only a little nervous as he gave Anthony his coffee and kissed his temple, murmuring what he was doing and gaining a slightly worried look that he quickly calmed.

Howard Stark was a man who wanted the best for his son and wouldn’t be satisfied until Loki had demonstrated his worth. Loki had been given a week to do just that, and he was determined to make sure Howard knew how much he cared for, loved, and was _worthy_ of Anthony. Howard had temporarily absolved him of his past and given him a chance to prove himself as Anthony’s significant other. Loki wasn’t about to squander the opportunity to make one person in Anthony’s life accept and like him.

He just had to hope he could manage it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ISN'T HOWARD DAMN PRECIOUS?? I swear I love him so much in this series. I need more good father!Howard in my stories. I may have to try for this again in other works x3


	17. Post Fractals Accompaniment 8: The Aftermath of Their Discovery - Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The soft, domestic life they'd led together still exists, the love they share is still prevalent in every touch - but with the past creeping in around the edges and taking up their time... how long will it really last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! We're back to our regularly scheduled posting time! Which, if you can believe, will only gain two more weeks of this series before it's _finished_. Such a mixture of emotions will be felt then :3 _But_ that's still a bit away! I hope you like what this update has in store :D

Having Anthony’s father stay with them for a week was... odd.

Anthony swung between happiness and exasperation, excitement, and frustration. He supposed that was typical of children and their parents, but it also had unseen effects on their relationship. They weren’t _negative_ , but while normally they would sleep together whenever they felt like it, neither of them could do more than kiss and hold each other close, knowing that Howard was asleep on the other side of the house.

Howard however, seemed to _like_ Loki, which was mystifying as much as it was relieving. He gave Anthony some Stark Industries projects which had meant his lover would disappear for hours on end, filled with an overwhelming enthusiasm and pouring out ideas that had been bottled up for two years.

It was during those times that Howard would sit and talk with him. Their discussions had been simple and inane at first, but it wasn’t long until Howard dug deeper. He wanted to know about him, so Loki told him. There was a brief moment of amusement when Howard was aware of someone Loki had stolen from, but as it was someone Howard hadn’t liked, it became a discussion on _how_ Loki had done it.

Although Loki had been tentative to reveal details at first, Howard had a similar enjoyment like his son of seeing someone use their intellect impressively. Howard was soon gaining his opinion on different security systems as well as any interesting observations Loki had made due to the people he’d often associated with in his line of work.

It was pleasant, and Howard seemed to respect him as an intellectual. Howard also found it endlessly entertaining watching Anthony cook and teased him mercilessly. There was many times Loki had to save something from being incinerated because Anthony got too distracted arguing with his father to pay attention.

The week went by surprisingly fast, and Howard left with a hug to Anthony and a firm shake of Loki’s hand. He requested that they stay in contact with him, and when they agreed, he left without another word.

It had been that easy, that _simple_ , and months passed as if they’d never been discovered.

Only, they were, and it was reflected in the way that Howard would send Anthony SI designs to work on. He’d also left a tablet behind that, when Anthony turned it on, he was greeted to a warm and fond, “Hello, sir.” 

Anthony had almost dropped the device and had gotten more than a little choked up when he was able to greet his AI back. Anthony had lasted a week before Loki had outright forced him to do what he wanted and simply wire the damn AI into their home.

It had taken a bit of getting used to (and he’d refused to allow the AI into their bedroom) but soon enough JARVIS was as familiar to him as Billie or Caesar.

Of course, the AI still tended to give most of his focus to SI unless he was called, but having JARVIS also soon brought with it other communications. Anthony was already talking to Barnes and Rogers on a regular basis, but slowly, other people from his life in S.H.I.E.L.D. started to phone him as well. Dr Banner requested his assistance on autopsy results, despite Anthony laughing and saying he _really wasn’t allowed_ , and Ms Foster sent him pictures and files of things she couldn’t crack and wanted an opinion on.

Whenever anyone from his past called, Loki would always slip into another room. Howard was the only one who asked after him, who actually requested to speak to him on occasion. Everyone else pretended he didn’t exist.

He would find something to do, find something to distract himself with as Anthony spoke to whoever had requested him this time. While some calls were longer than others, it always ended the same way, with Anthony coming to find him and wrapping arms around Loki from behind.

It was the same today. He didn’t know who had called his lover this time, but Loki had been sitting in an armchair when Anthony’s arms came around his shoulders to hug his chest. A kiss was pressed against his jaw. “Hey.”

Loki smiled and turned to look at him. “Hello, Anthony.”

Anthony grinned and moved his hand in order to push Loki’s glasses further up his nose. Anthony had such a fondness for the wireframes that he wore them even when he didn’t need to. The truth was that they were filled with clear glass. He had used them once long ago to help obscure his appearance along with the rest of a disguise.

He hadn’t even realised they’d been packed until Anthony had found them and convinced him to put them on. Anthony had _then_ convinced him into a teacher-student roleplay that had been amusing, enjoyable and eventually revisited. He had no interest in roleplay tonight however, and pulled the frames off, ignoring Anthony’s pout.

Loki placed them and the book on the nearby table before encouraging Anthony to come around to his side of the armchair and into his lap. When Anthony was sprawled across his thighs, he tugged him down into a soft kiss, feeling Anthony’s hand curl around his neck as he leant into the embrace.

It stayed languid and slow until it eventually broke, and they smiled at each other.

“How are things?” he enquired.

“Good,” Anthony answered before angling down to press a kiss to Loki’s neck. He automatically arched to give Anthony better access, sighing softly when Anthony began sucking lightly on the skin.

He hummed his pleasure, enjoying the way that when he was finished, Anthony just moved on to the next spot. The feel of Anthony’s lips and tongue were quick to make arousal form, and he brought a hand to stroke Anthony’s stomach. “Do you have something in mind, my dear?”

Anthony smiled against his neck, but otherwise didn’t answer beyond sucking at another piece of skin. Loki just chuckled and let him do as he wished. He did moan when Anthony let his teeth scrape lightly.

Tugging at his hair, he twisted and met his lover’s lips in a more passionate kiss, tangling his tongue with Anthony’s and kissing until they ran out of breath. Panting into each other’s mouth, Loki asked, “Cats?”

“Shut the door behind me,” Anthony answered.

They’d paid the price of having sex on the couch not long after gaining the kittens. It hadn’t been the first time they’d acted without thought beyond their own passion, but it was the first time Billie had found them and decided to pounce on Loki’s back.

They both wound up with scratches and the mood had been significantly killed. They quickly learned to make sure a room was cat-free before they started striping.

“Caesar could be lurking,” Loki reminded him. That had been another mistake they had made; thankfully, the cat hadn’t attacked them, but he had meowed at their feet at an awkward moment.

“Checked,” Anthony assured him. “They’re both in the living room. We’re all clear.”

Kissing him briefly, Loki moved his mouth to Anthony’s jaw. “Single-minded tonight, are we?”

“Mmm,” Anthony moaned softly. “Love to ride you.”

Loki’s cock twitched, but he still teased. “Plan to break another chair, my _Älskling?_ ” 

“Think that was a combined effort, sweetheart.” He rubbed his bum down against Loki’s hardening cock and made him groan softly. “But we can be careful, right?”

Loki licked his lips. “We can buy another damn piece of furniture.”

Anthony laughed with delight before shifting so that his knees were on either side of Loki’s thighs. The chair was wide enough that they could fit, but there was little to no room between Loki’s legs. Neither of them were particularly concerned when Anthony was still able to slip his hand between them and unbutton Loki’s pants. Loki lifted his hips to help Anthony free him, and he moaned as Anthony took his cock and stroked Loki quickly to full hardness.

Anthony then used his other hand to reach into his pocket for a condom and lube to pass to him. Loki wasn’t paying much attention beyond grabbing the items tightly until Anthony let his arousal go. He panted for a few moments, but when he opened his eyes, it was to feel Anthony climbing off the chair.

Anthony shucked off his jeans and boxers, but left on his shirt. His lover then winked and bent right over in front of Loki, displaying himself as he leant against the coffee table. “Waiting for you, Lokes.”

Loki groaned and opened the lube, laying it on his thigh before reaching for his lover. He stroked his firm, round bottom and couldn’t resist kissing one cheek. He also licked at the juncture of his thigh, making Anthony’s knees tremble with remembered sensation.

Groaning, Anthony bent further over the table. “Don’t tease me, and fuck, don’t rim me. I can’t take it tonight.”

Loki placed another, mournful kiss against his lover’s beautiful bum. Alas, not this time. After all, Anthony knew Loki’s preferences by now and Loki always ended up teasing his lover far too much when he had him like this. He enjoyed making him come with nothing but Loki’s tongue and Anthony’s stroking hand.

Well, perhaps tomorrow.

He moved his mouth away and dropped his hands. He coated one with the lube before he brought them back to Anthony, spreading his lover and slipping a finger inside. Anthony’s breath left him in a shaky exhale, and Loki’s control wavered. He almost wanted to go against Anthony’s request and withdraw his finger, just so that he could gain the delightful noises Anthony made when he received his _tongue_.

 _But he’ll be riding you instead - and he doesn’t want that tonight_. Those thoughts were enough to keep Loki determined.

He added the next finger, adding more lube when necessary and preparing Anthony as quickly, but safely as possible. He pressed soft kisses and gentle bites on Anthony’s upper legs and cheeks in between watching Anthony’s cock twitch and bob in the air as Anthony panted and moaned.

When Anthony was rocking back against him and mewling at the feel of his fingers, Loki hoarsely told him, “You’re ready.”

He removed his fingers with a final stroke to his sensitive lover’s prostate before dropping all of his touches so that he could push his pants to his ankles and put the condom on his aching cock. When he was done, Loki leant back against the chair and gestured for his lover to join him. Anthony’s legs were a little wobbly when he walked, but he soon kneeled back over Loki and slid closer. He looked over his shoulder as he took Loki’s cock in his hands. Anthony concentrated on them as he slowly breached himself on Loki’s shaft.

Loki groaned lowly and dug his nails into the arms of the chair, panting harshly as his lover slowly descended onto him. It was only when he was fully sheathed and they’d taken a few moments to get their breathing under control that Anthony began to lift himself and drop back down on Loki’s cock.

His hands came to Anthony’s hips, gripping him and assisting in the process. He couldn’t thrust but he could help speed Anthony’s movements as he fucked himself on Loki’s cock. It only took a few attempts before they angled themselves to hit Anthony’s prostate and made his startled yelp turn into a broken moan.

It was soon a quick and brutal pace as he aimed Loki right every time. He was sweating, his damp fringe almost covering his eyes as hitched moans fell every few seconds.

“ _Loki_ ,” he eventually whimpered, and Loki took one hand from his hip to stroke him.

“Come for me,” he ordered, swiping his thumb over the head and making Anthony bite his lip and tilt his head back.

Loki moaned at the visual, and on the next drop of Anthony’s hips, he jerked himself up and _in_ , and the sudden deep motion made Anthony’s mouth fly open as he came with a soundless cry. The contractions of his muscles soon had Loki falling over the edge as well, as he jerked into Anthony’s loosening body.

Anthony was quick to collapse over him and the chair, gasping against his neck. Loki’s breathing was equally laboured as he brought his hand to Anthony’s back and held him close. The feel of still being inside his lover always made him feel a possessive contentment, and he kissed whichever part of Anthony he could reach without moving. 

They stayed like that for some minutes as they levelled their breathing and enjoying the closeness of each other. It was lovely, it was _familiar_ , and Loki would never tire of being able to lay resting like this.

Of course, Anthony would succinctly shatter the moment.

He licked Loki’s neck and made Loki jerk slightly before he shifted his head to better see him.

“Shower?” Anthony suggested, bringing to mind all the things Loki had _not_ been paying attention to.

“Yes,” he instantly replied, noticing the sweat drying under his clothes and feeling a desperate need to be clean. Anthony just laughed, knowing him far too well.

He assisted his lover in sliding off him before tying off the condom while Anthony collected their discarded clothes. Their legs were a little shaky at first, but they were quick to walk it off as they made their way to the bathroom.

Loki tossed the condom, and they piled their clothes in the laundry, stripping off the last of them while they were there. Anthony grasped his hand when they were through and led him to the shower. They shared it as they often did, and Loki enjoyed being able to wash Anthony’s hair and steal kisses under the spray.

When they were finished, it was easy enough to check on the cats and herd them into the room that they slept in so as not to interfere with the alarm system. It was mostly unnecessary now that they had JARVIS, but it was so engrained that they didn’t even think about altering it.

Their nightly rituals complete, Loki came into the bedroom to find Anthony had already beaten him to bed. Slipping under the covers, Loki pulled his lover against his chest and wrapped an arm around him. He kissed Anthony’s neck and received a pleasant little sigh.

“I’ll need to get up early,” Anthony told him tiredly.

“Oh?” Loki queried, “An invention calling you?”

The simple nature of their lives meant they had no set schedule, Anthony assisted with Stark Industries, but that was the only true thing calling his attention. Well, unless he became aware of some new criminality that he wished to stop - then he was relentless.

Anthony was also annoyingly adept at sniffing out trouble and convincing Loki to help him gain evidence in order to tip off some government organisation or another. It was becoming harder to keep him from the task now that he could flick it all to Agent Barnes.

“Bucky needs me to help him with something.” 

It was all the words needed for Loki’s good mood to shatter. 

He couldn’t stop the way he tensed slightly, but he hurried to relax, knowing Anthony would feel it. “Lokes?”

“You will still be in the house, won’t you?”

“Yeah. Not going to run into any criminal lairs, trust me. Just gotta help him find something.”

Loki shut his eyes, feeling pained, but he kept it from his voice as he murmured out a response, “I hope it’s not too early; I do like to have a decent sleep.”

Anthony laughed tiredly, already beginning to drift off. He was remarkably good at falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow, as if he was like one of his machines and had simply powered off. “Make sure... not to wake... you.”

His words came slow, only just completed before his breathing grew deeper. Loki knew he could be woken up quickly enough when he was in that state. A small pinch, a firm call of his name, but Loki didn’t do a thing; he just stayed quiet, holding him close until he heard him start to snuffle.

It was only then that Loki closed his eyes tightly and pressed his face against Anthony’s shoulder blades, gritting his teeth in a pained grimace.

 _How long will it be_ , his mind asked spitefully, _until they convince him to go back?_

He clenched his hand in a fist before relaxing it and holding Anthony tighter. _How long will it be, until he **doesn’t** come back?_

“No,” he hissed. _He loves me._

... But.

But Anthony was already dropping everything at the first email from Howard, the first call from Barnes or any of his other associates. He could forget Loki was there for days on end and while he never shrugged off Loki’s touch, he might not even notice it was present. They could be mid-conversation but Anthony would _always_ rush for his phone or his tablet when they called.

Loki had watched it, noticed it, _ignored_ it. He’d run from the room and hid from what was happening, waiting with knots in his stomach and claws in his heart until Anthony would find him, kiss him, _sleep_ with him.

But it wasn’t enough, was it? Anthony was... he was growing _bored_ in their simple, isolated home, and it wouldn’t be long until he started to feel caged.

_And then he will be gone._

All the tension fled from Loki’s muscles at the mere thought, but it left him feeling drained. He exhaled roughly against his lover’s back. 

_He’ll tell me before it happens. He isn’t like that yet. I still have some time with Anthony._

But Loki wasn’t sure _how_ long he had. Couples grew apart every day, and it didn’t take both halves to end a relationship. It only took one.

And how could he compete with everyone in Anthony’s past? How could he compete with a career that Anthony still loved and missed? How could he compete when the only thing on offer was him?

_I’m going to lose him._

He’d tried to fight off the thoughts, the things that Anthony scowled and pinched him for; _you’re so pessimistic_. But how could he not be?

Anthony’s old life was leaking back in around the edges, and he was giving it more of his attention with every passing day. He’d always known that Anthony would be enough for him, but he’d always wondered - always _worried_ that he wouldn’t be enough for Anthony.

_We’ve almost had three years._

Anthony’s friends, his _father_ \- they would all take Anthony back in a moment. He wasn’t ostracised; he wasn’t held back - not if he returned without Loki beside him.

_What would you do if my son wanted to leave you?_

Howard Stark’s words came back to haunt him, and Loki opened his eyes, staring at his lover’s back. He pushed up on weak limbs and gently rolled Anthony so that he could look down at his peacefully sleeping face.

Bending down, he pressed his lips to Anthony’s and shut his eyes. _I’d let him_ , he admitted silently and for the second time. _I just hope it’s not going to be yet._

Pressing close to his lover, Loki buried his nose in Anthony’s hair and closed his eyes. His chest was in vice, but he wasn’t going to let fear stop him from enjoying what he _had_. Anthony hadn’t left him yet; he still had time to soak him up, to hold him close - _to change his mind_.

It might not be enough, but Loki had one final chance to try, one final chance to keep the man that was his happiness. He wasn’t going to let Anthony slip away, not if he could avoid it. _Unless you ask me - if you ask me to do that then I’ll never stop you from leaving me._

_But, if you don’t, then I’ll never stop holding onto you and keeping you here by my side. Because, my Käresta..._

Loki swallowed and whispered with broken honesty, “I don’t think I can live without you anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I'm glad I wasn't coding/posting _this_ chapter at the airport, haha.
> 
> And just a heads up, I'm a bit behind on my comment replies at the moment, but nothing is forgotten! So I might take a while to reply, but I'll get there :) Thanks for reading!


	18. Post Fractals Accompaniment 8: The Aftermath of Their Discovery - Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony knows something is going on with Loki, he even has a couple of good ideas what they might be (and some terrifying ones he doesn't like to think about). Mostly though, he's wondering how long he can avoid this hornet's nest before he has to go and poke at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! Second last chapter. *sniffles* Only one more week and the joy that is Fractals will be getting a completed sticker. What a ride it's been, huh? Thank you to everyone whose read from the beginning, whose joined in the middle and who later reads this when the story is completed.
> 
> You all mean so much to me. Thank you! But I'll likely wax on more about this in the next chapter, so for now, enjoy chapter eighteen!

Loki had been acting odd lately - or rather, not odd, but _unhappy_. He was closer to what he’d been like when they’d first gotten together. It didn’t always happen, and it was usually only when Barnes or someone from S.H.I.E.L.D. called, so Tony had mostly been writing it off and had just taken to comforting him.

Tony knew how much it unnerved Loki to have the organisation that tried to catch him - tried to _destroy them_ \- so close. It was why Tony always made sure to find Loki and hold him, touch him, _love_ him when he’d finished talking to them.

It had worked at first; Loki had melted into him and had gone back to normal until the next call would come in and repeat the cycle. It wasn’t _great_ , but it was manageable. He’d even asked Loki in the beginning if he was okay with it: the calls, the way he was helping them, and that they _knew_ where they were.

“It can hardly be changed now, my _Käresta_ ,” Loki had told him, but when he’d gone to protest, Loki had quieted him and continued, “And you like speaking with them. I don’t want to see you unhappy, so it is fine, Anthony.”

He’d still been uncertain, but Loki had kept encouraging Tony to talk with his friends, and for the first few months, not only did Tony let it slide, but he let _himself_ get distracted by being able to talk to Bucky again. To speak with Steve and Bruce and Jane and all the friends he’d missed so damn much.

It had been almost six months of people knowing where they were, and while Tony always told Loki in kisses and touches that ‘ _I pick you, I’ll always pick you_ ’ Loki still seemed unable to grasp it. So much so that even Howard had spoken to Tony about it, telling him abruptly in the middle of a phone call, “He’s worried about you.”

“Huh?” Tony had asked, in the middle of talking about a design and not expecting the sudden interruption. “Who?”

“Loki.”

Tony had looked over his shoulder, knowing that the door was closed and that Loki was nowhere around, but still feeling self-conscious as he changed the phone to his other ear. “He’s always worried about me.”

“This isn’t the same,” Tony could picture his father’s frown. “The way he speaks about you now... there’s something painful in it.”

Tony stared at the bench in front of him, knowing the exact thing Howard was talking about, but not knowing how to explain, beyond... “He did that at the start, when he didn’t think I loved him.”

“Something’s upset him.” Howard paused. “James hasn’t spoken to him, has he? His opinion isn’t favourable.”

“Yeah, I know. But he wouldn’t.” Tony’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m sure he wouldn’t.”

“Well, perhaps it’s nothing,” Howard allowed, but Tony’s mind was already whirring and worrying. “But do look after him. I’ve paid a lot of money for your wedding gift; I am not getting it re-inscribed.”

“Oh, for fuck's sake - _Dad_ ,” Tony spluttered, hearing Howard laugh at him before the asshole hung up in his ear. Tony had rubbed a hand over his face, but he’d also sent Bucky a message asking about it.

He’d denied speaking to Loki, as had Steve, and so Tony had pocketed his phone before going out to find his lover.

Loki had been sitting with Caesar on his lap, which wasn’t a surprise. The fact that he’d also found _Billie_ and drawn her into his arms, however, was. Because for all that the cats were _theirs_ , it was very obvious that Caesar was Loki’s and Billie’s was Tony's. They still gave both cats affection, but normally Loki never petted her unless she asked. The way he was holding her, it seemed like... he’d gone and found her? And was keeping her there?

“Hey,” Tony had called softly and gone over to them.

Loki had reached out for him, the same as always, but there was something... something _off_ in the motions. Tony wouldn’t have caught it normally, but Howard had unnerved him, and now he was actively looking for disruption when before he had ignored it.

Loki was hiding the problem, but he was still grabbing for Tony like he had in the beginning, when he was insecure about everything and clinging to Tony like he was a drowning man’s salvation.

It worried the _fuck_ out of Tony.

He’d hoped it was temporary. He’d hoped it would _go away_ and that Loki would stop sitting in silence looking three steps short of desolate.

The worst part was that it wasn’t even all the time. Sometimes, he’d be his old self; he’d whisk Tony into his arms in the kitchen and press loving kisses against him, or take him away in some surprising romantic gesture - or hell, just give him the most intense, drawn out pleasure until Tony was a shaking, gasping, broken mess before they spent the aftermath just softly cuddling.

Some days, Tony couldn’t even tell there was something wrong.

But the bad days were beginning to outweigh the good ones far too much. It was like when they moved in together all over again, and Tony found himself shying away from Loki’s touch when it came off too stiff.

Loki’s smile in those moments was plastered on, and Tony tried to kiss him, but Loki would draw away, send him back to his tasks and leave Tony wondering what the _fuck_ was going on in that insecure little head of his.

He’d had to put it aside for the most part - ignore the argument and emotional upheaval that prodding it would inspire. He’d been helping S.H.I.E.L.D. catch a serial killer, and he’d been intently focused on it for three weeks, hardly seeing Loki as he bent himself over backwards doing all that he could. Fuck, even _Fury_ had been in contact with him, desperate for some kind of resolution. (And dear, God, he hadn’t dared tell Loki about that; he’d have had a _conniption_.)

When it was finally done and he was beyond drained, he’d collapsed into bed without waiting for Loki. He’d curled up in a ball and taken a sleeping pill so he wouldn’t have any nightmares about all the people they hadn’t been able to help. (He was also finding it hard to want to keep working with S.H.I.E.L.D. Not when it did this to Loki, not when it did this to _him_ \- to _them_. He wanted to help people, but not like this, not anymore.)

It had taken him a good week to get over that enough to focus on the next problem, but by then, Loki had withdrawn so fully into himself that Tony was wary about cracking open that new box of problems.

He would though, because Loki looked... he looked _miserable_ , and it made Tony’s heart ache and made his body strain with the need to get to Loki. It made him want to soothe every worry from Loki’s brow and promise anything he needed to if it would just make Loki _smile_ again and _mean_ it.

Tony just hoped it was something he _could_ fix.

A small part that Tony hadn’t liked to think about was worried that Loki was beginning to miss his past and resent Tony for the access he had to his own. What if all the information from S.H.I.E.L.D. was reminding him of the life he had given up? That his need to touch Tony was a need to assure himself he’d made the right decision? That being trapped and stifled in this house was slowly eating at him, and what if Loki thought Tony wasn’t becoming worth it anymore? What he wanted to go _back_ to _crime?_

 _You’re being paranoid_ , he’d scolded himself more than once, frozen over his workbench and getting stressed.

Tony was sure it was just spending too long buried in cases that were catching up to him. Loki didn’t look like he was mourning the lack of criminality, and he wasn’t pushing Tony’s touches away. 

_Something_ was on his mind though, but Tony couldn’t figure out what; they were together, they were happy, they were in love, so what the hell had gotten him so messed up?

Tony knew the only thing to do was ask, but he’d still hesitated. He’d even put it off for three days, trying to bury his head in the sand and pretend it didn’t exist.

It was after a call from Bucky that he’d finally cracked. He’d told his friend stiffly, ‘ _no, I don’t work there okay. Just, brainstorm with Steve or Howard or something; I can’t right now_ ’ and had gone to find Loki. He’d frozen in the hallway off the study as he looked in at his lover. Loki was standing by the window, staring out of it and completely lost in his thoughts. It was the darkening scowl, the perpetual wince, and the way his arms were hugging his waist that said whatever was going on in his head wasn’t pleasant.

Softly padding over, Tony crossed the threshold and gathered his strength for whatever was about to come. Loki noticed him quickly, blinking back to the room and pasting on a mask that Tony hated being given.

“Loki,” he brought up a hand to cup his lover’s cheek, speaking before Loki could. “What’s wrong?”

Loki smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing, it’s nothing,” he tried to dismiss, the way he had been doing for months - the way Tony had been _letting_ him get away with. “I hope your agents are well.” His eyes flittered away, and he abruptly changed the topic. “Perhaps curried rice for din-”

“No, hey,” he directed Loki to catch his gaze again, bringing his other hand to cup the opposite cheek. “Loki, what’s _wrong?_ ”

Tony knew the moment Loki decided to admit it. Loki sighed, the exhale seeming to take all of his strength as he slumped. His hands came to Tony’s hips, and he leant forward enough to press their foreheads together as he closed his eyes. “I’ve been realising how limited this is, my love.”

“Limited?” Tony frowned. “What is?”

“You.”

“Me?” Tony frowned and pulled back, trying to catch Loki’s eyes that were still squeezed shut. His heart felt like it had dropped to his stomach, and hurt crept into his voice. “You think I’m going somewhere?”

Loki’s hands moved up to his neck in an instant and pulled him back so that they were touching. He did it all without opening his eyes once.

His voice, when it came, was barely above a whisper and far too fucking sad. “Your life is dull here. I can see the way you scratch at the confines, desperate for something to do - your projects with Stark Industries and with S.H.I.E.L.D., they help, but they also worsen it too. I know you don’t feel satisfied. You long for more than this simple house in the middle of nothing.”

Loki’s eyes finally opened and his mouth also quirked into a resigned smile. “You long for more than a few jobs on the sidelines. Things that cannot begin to quench the thirst of the mind housed inside you.”

Well, he wasn’t _wrong_ , but what the fuck?

“Loki, just because I want something more to do, it doesn’t mean I’m going to _leave_ you.”

Loki was already pulling away and shaking his head. “What can you do when you’re so tied to me? What can-”

“Right, no,” Tony interrupted, a spike of pure irritation going through him. “We’re cutting that bullshit off right there. What the hell, Loki? They’re my friends and helping them is great, but I love _you_.”

“Yes, but-”

“No, no fucking buts.”

“You will not be content here forever!” Loki shouted and pushed away from him, leaving Tony’s arms hovering in the air as Loki placed distance between them. He wouldn’t even _look_ at Tony as he lowered his voice and continued, “You’ll grow weary, stifled, and where will we be then?” He finally glanced at Tony, miserable and already fucking _reconciled_ to the shit he was spouting. “We’ll be arguing and blaming one another for the situation that we’re in.”

“And that’s it,” Tony bit out when a suitable pause had followed. “That’s the future you’re going to paint for us?”

“It’s not the one I _want_ ,” Loki growled, prodded into gaining at least a small _spark_ of the fire Tony loved him for. “But it’s the one I see. Can’t _you_ see it, Anthony?” He exhaled loudly and stepped forward, all the frustration washing out of him as his fingers brushed Tony’s cheek. “I would never cage you.” Tony’s eyebrows rose automatically, _pointedly_ in memory of the time he was kidnapped. Loki guiltily amended with a hint, the _tiniest_ hint of amusement, “Unless it was to protect you.”

It was that flash of humour that made Tony’s frustration, his terror, it made it all ebb, because Loki was just being who Loki was: over-fucking-dramatic and the biggest insecure idiot Tony had every had the pleasurable misfortune to fall desperately in love with.

Tony smiled at him and barely refrained from shaking his head in exasperation. He was partly to blame, after all, for not nipping this in the bud the moment he noticed something was wrong. For not _talking_ to Loki before he worked himself into all the knots he was famous for when he thought he was going to lose Tony.

“Then don’t cage me, Loki,” Tony told him softly, reaching up and pressing his palm to Loki’s hand, encouraging it to cup his cheek. “Don’t twist yourself up thinking of all the negatives, _talk_ to me. Confront me about what’s going on and what you’re scared of.”

“You’ll leave,” Loki told him, barely giving Tony enough time to finish his sentence. His voice was a quiet, shaking thing, and he wouldn’t catch Tony’s eyes, “I’m scared that you’ll leave.”

_Oh, Loki._

Cupping his lover’s neck, Tony pulled him into a soft kiss. Loki was quick to deepen it, his free arm coming around Tony’s waist as he tried to press even closer, to mould them together, to _forge_ them together until they couldn’t break apart. Tony let him, riding out the desperate waves and kissing him soft and sweet until some of his painful passion dispersed.

When they broke the first embrace, Tony kissed him again. He then pressed chaste kisses over his cheeks, nose, forehead - anywhere he could reach until he saw Loki start to smile. He kissed him once more, a smacking motion to the right of his nose, making his lover’s face scrunch before Loki opened his eyes.

He grinned back at Loki and when their foreheads rested together this time, it felt closer to normal, closer to what it _should_ have been.

“I’m sorry I’ve spent so much time helping S.H.I.E.L.D. lately,” Tony apologised.

Loki winced a little but dismissed it. “It’s my own worries, dear. You’re doing the things you were meant to: saving people.”

“Yeah...” Tony’s mouth twisted. “I don’t know about that anymore.”

Loki pulled back, looking startled even as he was shaking his head. “No, Anthony. This is not - I would _never_ ask you to stop what you love. I’ve come between you and S.H.I.E.L.D. before, and I-”

He put his fingers over Loki’s lips, silencing his rambling. “I might have loved it years ago; now I just feel drained every time I drag my way out of some new horrible case.” He stroked Loki’s cheek. “Now I just feel frustrated that I have to give my time to it, rather than give my time to _you_.”

“But you still miss it when you don’t have something to do,” Loki pointed out.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, “and _you_ miss having a career that drew your attention and challenged you.”

“I’m happy with-”

“Me, yeah, I get it. Same goes too, by the way. But that doesn’t mean this house is doing what it needs to anymore.”

Loki winced. “Our relationship-”

“Is still as strong as ever; that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about doing more than what we are.” And oh, Tony’s mind was running away with him in _beautiful_ directions, he just hoped Loki liked them too. He could feel his heart racing nervously as he continued, “You said you don’t want to cage me, so don’t. We’re geniuses, and we can be so much more than this. _Together_.”

Tony swallowed and licked his lips. “What do you... what do you say to Howard Stark’s elusive heir coming out of hiding?” Loki’s eyebrows shot up so high, and he pulled back to stare at him. Tony just kept going, “Dad said he’d take you on; Lord knows you’d shit on any competitor who tries to cut a dodgy deal with SI. You could also update security something fierce; you could _design_ things. Your fucking laptop is a wet dream, and it’s all _you_. I’m still a director, and Howard would love me as his new head of R &D.”

He cupped his lover’s neck and grinned brightly. “What do you say? We’ll fuck up the tabloids all in one go. They always did love you, and now you’re going to come back with the hottest new kid on the block. We’ll be far too busy to _ever_ get bored or tired of one another.”

Loki gaped at him; there was no other word for it. “But,” he finally forced out, “my past.”

“Never proven.”

“ _Your_ past.”

“Hasn’t been dug out so far, and don’t forget,” Tony waggled his eyebrows. “We’re _fantastic_ hackers and have friends in high places. No one’s going to want to shoot out our kneecaps.”

“You... but...” Loki continued to stare at him incredulously, his mind unable to compute the words being delivered to him. “This will draw _everyone’s_ attention.”

“Good. Let’s keep ‘em on the ‘gay’ part and make sure they don’t notice anything else. _Come on_. What do you say?”

Loki’s smile was creeping across his face, but disbelief was still heavy in his eyes. “It’s _insanity_.”

“It’s _genius_ ,” Tony corrected, moving forward to steal a kiss. “And we both know how much you want the world to know I am, always will be, and are totally and completely _yours_.”

Loki’s face broke open, filled with so much happiness as he kissed Tony. He kissed him with so much love and affection that all Tony could do was wrap an arm around his neck and hold on. He didn’t even remember moving, but the next thing he knew they were breaking apart, and he was pressed against the wall. Loki was boxing him in and looking at Tony like he was the most miraculous thing to ever stumble into his life.

“What do you say?” Tony asked him again.

He kissed Tony once more, short and sweet before answering, “You are sure? This cannot... you can’t undo this.”

“So _very_ much the point, Loki.” He kissed him briefly. “I’m not ashamed of you; I don’t _regret_ you. I _love_ you, and nothing is going to change that. So let’s be public about it, about _us_. Let’s blow the world away and show them how much better we both are, when we’re a _team_ ”

Loki kissed him, hard and fierce; his hands even creeping under Tony’s shirt. Not that it was innately sexual; Loki just seemed to want to _touch_.

When they broke apart, they were panting, but Loki still gasped out, “I want to, Anthony, I want nothing _more_.”

“Yess,” Tony hissed before cupping the back of Loki’s neck and kissing him again. He also wrapped a leg around Loki’s waist until he ended up off the ground and held against the wall.

Their kissing soon became something else, something that neither of them could deny until they ended up stripped, naked, and fucking on the floor. They both ended up with a couple of small burns and the start of a bruise or two from the rough surface, but while it might not have been the _best_ sex, it still ended up with them cuddled naked together on the floor. And that was wonderful.

Loki was tracing absent patterns on his skin in the aftermath. “We will need to move, if we reveal ourselves.”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, looking over at him. “New York, probably, if we’re going to work so intrinsically with SI.”

“That’s not far from Chicago,” Loki commented absently and made Tony shift a little to better see his face. “Your friends will be near; they could visit.”

“Oh, yeah,” Tony snorted. “That will go down well. ‘Hi, welcome to our apartment, you remember Loki, that criminal I ran away with?’” Loki scowled and pinched him, but it only made Tony giggle before kissing Loki’s chest softly. “We’ll see how we go. Howard will certainly defend the crap out of you. He likes Bucky, but I think he likes you more.”

Loki actually ducked his head, looking almost shy. “I don’t know about that.”

“He thinks you're brilliant,” Tony quickly continued, wondering if he could make Loki blush. “Fuck, I can’t wait to call and tell him we’re going to ‘come out’.”

“Your father will have a stroke,” Loki deadpanned. “The public relations nightmare _alone_.”

“Hah,” Tony laughed. “Fuck no. My dad’s a complete asshole; he’s going to _enjoy_ it.”

“And what of everyone else?” Loki persisted.

“They’ll deal with it,” Tony informed him firmly, moving to curl into his lover’s chest with an arm over his waist. He held Loki’s eyes as he continued, “They already know I love and chose you. They already know that revealing me as Isaac Stark would screw them over. They won’t talk about it, because it will be bad for... well, everything really. It’ll be alright; it’ll be _better_ then alright,” Tony smiled, knowing it was mushy but not giving a damn. “We’ll be _together_ , and that’s what will make it perfect. We’ll be able to do anything we want without having to fear we’ll be discovered. You can take me out on dates, and court me the way your gentlemanly instincts have wanted to do since the beginning.”

Loki chuckled softly, but he soon sobered. “My past will follow me; government agencies won’t just let me wander around unmonitored.”

“We’ll find a way to fix it,” Tony promised before he smirked. “Or we’ll give ‘em a show. Fuck me up against a glass window, see how they like the-”

Tony’s suggestion was smothered in a kiss that he laughed into but also quickly responded to. When they pulled back, they were looking at each other softly. Tony reached up and brushed a lock of hair behind Loki’s ear.

“We’ll pull it off, sweetheart,” he promised. “We’ll find a way to make this work. I won’t give you up for anything, so trust me.”

Loki moved slightly but only enough that he could lie down and hold Tony close, kissing his head and whispering, “I trust you, even though I still don’t know how I _gained_ you.”

“I’m a sucker for kicked puppies.”

He got a harsh slap to the back of his head for that, but Tony just laughed into Loki’s shoulder as his lover grumbled, “You annoying man.”

“Yours though,” Tony chimed in easily, “always yours.”

The promise made Loki’s hand turn softer as it stroked through the strands of his hair. “And I am yours.”

 _So how about you marry me, and we make it official?_ The words almost fell out of Tony’s mouth, but he was able to bite down on them. His eyes still widened a little at the ease with which they hovered on his tongue, wrapped around his _heart_ and just felt _right_.

He wanted to ask Loki, Tony realised, and he would be willing to do it in a heartbeat.

But he didn’t. Not yet, because just like how he wanted their first time to be special, he wanted the question to be done somewhere _romantic_. He wanted it to wait until Loki wasn’t insecure, where it wouldn’t look like a thrown out statement to make him feel better.

_I want to wait until he doesn’t expect it. When we’re in New York and together and everyone knows we’re a couple. I want to make him so happy, knowing I’m going to choose him forever. I **want** to choose him forever and have him choose me too._

“Anthony?” Loki queried, noticing he’d gone quiet.

Tony just looked up at him and smiled. “Wanna hit the shower and have dinner? Then we can call up Howard and tell him the good news. We both know he’s going to want to have his hands wrist deep in planning this revelation.”

Loki’s mouth quirked, but he agreed, pulling Tony up and leading him towards the bathroom. Tony let himself shelve any thoughts he might have on engagements and proposals and making Loki _completely his_.

They had other things to prepare for, a new _life_ to plan for, and unlike last time, this time they weren’t going to be running away from something; they were going to be running _towards_ something.

This time they were giving up their solitude for the spotlight; they were giving up the quiet of Idaho for the vigour of New York.

But unlike before, it wouldn’t be a complete cut; they would still keep their house: the place they could head to when they wanted to be alone. They just had somewhere else where they could have a home, somewhere where they could _work_. 

This wasn’t the end of something; it was the beginning. They’d had three years together, three years to strengthen, deepen, and _build_ them. They weren’t going to break at the slightest push - they were going to bend, to snap back, and destroy anyone who tried to attack them. They were partners, _lovers_ , and nothing was going to change that.

They were _together_ , and Tony knew in his heart that no matter what might happen, that was going to be forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few people have had a lot of hopes and guesses about what would happen, I'm glad to now be able to prove a few of you right, hehe.
> 
> Now, as to the next chapter, it's more a collection of "bonus scenes" from their future rather then one long scene from a single POV (just so as you're aware). But that's all the spoilers I'm giving on that! You'll have to read and find out ;)


	19. Post Fractals Accompaniment 9: The Bonus Scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki announce themselves to the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Here we are. Chapter nineteen, the final ficlet, the final in this _series_. I have enjoyed this so much. I have loved posting every friday and sharing the ups and downs with you all. Hearing your shrieks and threats to my limbs, handing you tissues and giggling in the face of your curses. You have all been such fabulous, wonderful readers and I can only thank you for giving this story and myself such support. You constantly inspire me to write these boys together, even if it's no longer in this particular story.
> 
> I can only thank you all, my readers, my commentors, my _multiple_ commentors, but I will also reserve a special thanks to the people who started this waaaay back in the beginning of Fractals. You know who you are, and I'm always overjoyed to see your usernames on each new chapter. So thank _you_ for sticking with it.
> 
> But to everyone who reads, new or old, I hope you enjoy this chapter and how this story has ended. You are all incredibly precious to me, so thank you. ♥

People heard about the news in a lot of different ways. Bucky was at his desk when he got an SMS on his S.H.I.E.L.D. issued cell. He wasn’t waiting for any results, and there was no other reason why someone wouldn’t call him. He was curious and suspicious enough to pull it from his pocket and flip it open.

‘ _Heads up, you might be in for a shitstorm_ ’ was all it said, and Bucky eyed it warily for a long moment before cautiously putting his phone back.

A half hour later, it made perfect sense. He’d been heading to get coffee but all he had to hear was a passing comment about _Anthony Stark_ for him to pull up a newsfeed on his phone and discover exactly what that little _asshole_ had done.

He groaned loudly and leant against the nearest wall, scrolling through news reports on the ‘surprise re-appearance of Anthony Stark and Loki Laufeyson’. The shock and reactions to the new _couple_ while Howard Stark stood beside them, proudly supporting his son’s lover and announcing Tony’s intention to work more actively with Stark Industries, as would his partner.

Bucky could feel a headache forming, and he pressed his fingers over his eyes trying to ward it off. Pulling into the messaging app, he fired back a text at his friend, ‘ _You asshole. I hate you with a fucking passion. Shitstorm is an understatement. You owe me a crate of fucking beer_.’

He got the reply an instant later, ‘ _Come visit me in New York with your hubby, and I’ll give it to you in person_.’

Followed by, ‘ _p.s. Don’t tell Loki I asked, but, just wondering, when it comes to a wedding where you hate one of the grooms, will you still be a best man? Y/N?_ ’

Bucky could have fallen over he was so shocked. ‘ _He asked you to marry him?!!??_ ’

‘ _Well. I’m asking him. Going to. Fuck. Idk. I’m testing the waters... is that a no?_ ’

Bucky opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times, not entirely sure _what_ his answer was, but when heard a loud, echoing shout of, “ _BARNES!_ ” it made him wince and quickly reply.

‘ _Ask me again if I survive Fury’s wrath. I may not be living long enough to even **attend** your wedding_.’

‘ _You know you don’t have to, if you don’t want to_.’

Bucky closed his eyes and let out a soft breath, slumping back against the wall. He could practically _see_ the pain on his friend’s face as he offered him a way out. Fuck. ‘ _I’ll come to New York. Meet him again. Even if I hate him, I’ll still be there for you if he makes you happy. So it’s a yes._ ’

He actually got a fucking kiss emoji back, followed by an extremely unhelpful, ‘ _That’s the spirit. Flee before Fury finds you. I’ll leave a key under the welcome mat_.’

Bucky shook his head before pocketing his phone. While the idea of ducking for cover sure sounded nice, he also knew he couldn’t outrun the director forever. Making his way back the way he’d come, he saw more than a few nervous eyes looking at him, and when he saw Fury’s pacing and enraged form, he understood why.

Sighing a little, he made his way towards the stairs that Fury was lingering on.

“For what it’s worth,” he called out, making Fury look up and glare at him, “I’ve never known what Tony was up to.”

Bucky bit down on his smile as the whispers erupted around them, when he _confirmed_ what everyone had quickly suspected when they saw the photos. _Isaac_ Stark, after all, had never really existed.

“Get in my office,” Fury snapped at him before turning on his heel and marching up the last of the stairs and stepping inside.

Bucky followed along obediently, knowing Fury wanted little more than to vent at someone and bemoan the amount of paperwork and politics that was about to come smacking them in the face. Bucky honestly thought he was being a lot more overdramatic than he needed to.

When he got another text, Bucky absently checked it only to laugh out loud. ‘ _Do let me know if Nicholas gives you too much trouble, James. I’m happy to speak to him_.’

‘ _Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind_ ’, he shot back to Howard before slipping his phone away and stepping into Fury’s office.

It wasn’t exactly going to be a pleasant conversation, but he’d certainly had worse. He supposed he could only be grateful, that for the first time in far too many years, Tony was finally back in his life, making his goddamn job difficult.

Somehow, the thought only made Bucky smile.

* * *

Halfway across the world, a few people were packing up for the day while others were working hard on their cases. Fandral made his way through his various chatting co-workers, smiling here and there at those he recognised, until he could reach Thor’s desk.

The other agent was munching on a sandwich and reading a report on a possible terrorist cell - a storm was in his eyes as he planned all the ways in which he could decimate them. Fandral cocked his hip a little against the desk, unable to stop the way a very small smile played at his mouth.

Unlike Thor, unlike a fair portion of the Interpol agents he worked with, Fandral had always _liked_ Loki. Oh, he sure as hell knew that Loki was a criminal who didn’t take no for an answer and picked and chose between which laws he obeyed, but Fandral had seen all kinds of criminals in his line of work. He’d _forged his career_ the same time that Loki had. Loki was an asshole, but he could be counted on to do the right thing when it mattered.

Finding out he’d disappeared to have some gay love affair with the heir to the Stark fortune had been fucking hilarious. Finding out the heir was also the forensic scientist that Loki had kidnapped, that was... less amusing.

He still had to tip his hat to Anthony Stark though; anyone who was impressive enough to sway Loki so significantly had to be a powerhouse of influence. He’d already sent an email to his superiors expressing his opinion that they say and do _nothing_ about the situation until advised by S.H.I.E.L.D. on further details.

Fandral couldn’t see the point of poking the hornet’s nest if it would only make Loki go back to flexing his criminal leanings only with a heck load more vengeance aimed in their direction.

Convincing Thor, of course, was going to be far more difficult. Still, the initial reaction was going to be fun to witness.

“Hey Thor,” he called, holding the file he’d made with the best reports to have hit the internet. “Isaac Stark, he was the one that disappeared the same time Loki did, right?”

A useless question with an answer everyone knew. Thor still turned to him with guilt-ridden eyes.

“Aye.” His brow furrowed, and he tensed slightly, turning in his seat to fully face Fandral. “Have they located him? Does he live?”

“Yeah, I’d, um, I’d say he’s been located. Or that,” his mouth twitched, “he’s ‘come out’ as the case may be.”

“What has been found?” Thor demanded, and Fandral, loath to disappoint him, flipped open the folder and placed it down on Thor’s desk.

The first picture, that he’d so carefully put on top, was an image of Anthony Stark and Loki holding hands beside a podium where Howard Stark introduced them to the world. They looked very happy, very loving, and like a damn good couple.

Thor’s face went through a rapid series of emotions as he saw the image: shock, horror, and eventually barely contained fury. He started rifling through the paper and reading every article as Fandral lazily waited for him to finish.

“It’s quite a fairytale,” Fandral told him, when Thor was mostly done, “The elusive heir to Stark Industries and the missing businessman Loki Laufeyson: the man who only ran away so that he could be with his gay lover in secret. How sweet.”

“It is not _sweet_ , Agent Daubigny,” Thor growled, but Fandral just smiled in the face of that rage. “A criminal now has access to one of the most powerful companies in the world and-”

“Look,” Fandral held out his hands, “I’m not saying he _didn’t_ plan it from the start, because, let’s face it, I wouldn’t put it past him. _But_ , I actually think he’s serious about this one. However you look at it, Thor, being public like this is far too risky for anything other than what they announced: partners who want to work for SI. People can change.”

“ _Not him_ ,” Thor snarled.

“Yeah, well, you’re not headlining this case,” Fandral cut him off smoothly, making Thor jerk and look at him with surprise.

“What? He is my _brother_.”

Fandral smiled thinly. “That would be the point. You’re too emotionally connected and can’t see beyond your own opinions of him. Opinions aren’t evidence, Thor, and letting Isaac Stark get to a point where he would disappear made you go through internal affairs. They said you were clean, but it was made very clear any future matters that dealt with Loki Laufeyson would go through me. They said you shouldn’t have been allowed near the case originally - too much emotional involvement.”

Thor stood up, angry and argumentative, but Fandral held his ground, long used to Thor’s ways of displaying his aggression with an unconscious attempt at intimidation. “Loki cannot love this man. _Stark_ cannot love him. It is not an emotion my brother can feel; it will never-”

“Twenty cases.”

Thor blinked. “I don’t-”

“That’s how many cases Loki has assisted me with either on request or because he thought it would be useful to take out something he didn’t like the look of. Officially, he’s not an informant for Interpol; unofficially, he’s worth more to us alive especially if he’s willing to offer us his favour. I’ve given my recommendation we don’t pursue him, and I’ll be delivering that information to the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. as soon as permission is confirmed.”

Thor looked gobsmacked, and Fandral almost wished he could let Loki see. He’d certainly made enough comments over the years postulating how Thor would react to his ‘ _less evil tendencies_ ’.

“As far as Interpol is now concerned, your brother is not a person of interest. As far as the public is concerned,” Fandral smirked, “your brother is dating one of the richest men in the world.”

He clapped the other agent’s shoulder. “Good luck telling ex-Commissioner Odinson that.”

Fandral didn’t quite whistle as he walked away, but it was a near thing. He wasn’t going to say he _hoped_ he’d get a chance to see Loki again in the coming months, but he certainly wouldn’t complain if he did.

Loki was a hell of a man and far smarter than Fandral could ever hope to be. It was why he would really like a chance to see Loki and meet the only person in the world who’d managed to keep up with and _capture_ him.

* * *

Bruce didn’t hear about it through the news or even from the man himself. He had just finished an autopsy and was washing his hands when Darcy practically barrelled into the room and started shrieking at him, “Isaac Stark is Anthony Stark!”

“Hmm?” Bruce had hummed shaking his hands before taking some paper towels. “What was that, Darcy?”

He turned to face her, and she gave him an impatient and thoroughly exasperated look, “ _Missing Stark_ is in fact _Missing Original Stark_.”

He had obviously spent far too long around his assistant if she was that easy to understand. “Oh, is he? How did you find out?”

Darcy stared at him before pointing accusingly. “You _knew_. Oh my god, you little fucker. You _knew_.”

Bruce couldn’t help smiling a little as he threw away the towels. “What brought this on?”

“ _Ugh_. You didn’t. Have you not been paying attention to _anything_ in the last half hour?”

“I was performing an autopsy.” He sent her a pointed look. “ _Without_ my assistant.”

She ignored him, of course she did. “Anthony Stark just came out of hiding and admitted to _dating Loki Laufeyson_.”

Bruce blinked, honestly surprised. “Oh.”

But his smile soon became wider, _softer_ as he remembered the conversations they’d had together since Tony’s location had been discovered. The first one had been angry and apologetic and filled with powerful silences, but after that, it had gone back to normal.

Tony also _talked_ about Loki, about all the little things he did and Tony’s time with him when Tony was captured and under his protection. Bruce couldn’t say he’d completely accepted the criminal, but he knew what it was like to find people important to you, to change not because they asked you, but because they were _good_ for you. 

He liked to believe _anyone_ could change, and that was one of the stronger similarities he had with Jane. He’d spoken with her, numerous times, about what Tony had told him. They’d both agreed that should they meet him, they would give Loki the benefit of the doubt. They would wipe his slate clean and hope that Tony’s faith wasn’t misplaced.

But to hear that they’d come back, revealed themselves _publically_ , it made Bruce think that seeing his friend again, that _meeting_ Tony’s lover and seeing that happiness for himself was going to be possible after all.

“Well,” he eventually continued, when Darcy made an impatient noise at his lack of reaction, “I suppose they must be confident in the relationship, to acknowledge it so publically.”

“ _Ugggh_ ,” Darcy groaned and threw her hands up in the air. “No shock, no horror. You are _no damn fun_.”

Bruce grinned and offered, “I’m sorry?”

Darcy just rolled her eyes and spun on her heel. “I need to find someone else now; that was too pathetic.”

“You know, there are bodies here to be examined,” he tried, knowing it was fruitless.

She waved him off. “News to spread, agents to implode, you can’t expect me to _work_ like this.”

Shaking his head, Bruce let her go before making his way to the autopsy phone. It had a direct line to forensics, and he wanted to speak to Jane and see if she’d like to take a trip to New York in the coming months.

He really would like to see Tony again, and he’d love to be able to offer to visit when he called to congratulate him for the announcement.

* * *

“I cannot believe it, only, of course I fucking can, that little _shit_.”

Steve was just leaving Starbucks with takeaway coffees in his hand. But his head swivelled at the sound of Clint’s furious voice. Nat was standing beside him with a thunderous scowl as they both stared at Clint’s phone.

Steve very cautiously made his way towards his colleagues, using the coffee as a shield between him and any impending violence. “What happened?”

Natasha’s eyes were far too searching when they locked onto him. Clint just thrust the phone at his face, hitting a replay button if the sudden tinny noise of a million cameras flashing was any indication. He looked down to see Howard standing over a podium with Tony and Laufeyson beside him.

It took him all of a second to connect the dots and internally groan a little. He did ignore that initial reaction so that he could focus on Tony. It was the first time he’d _seen_ the other man since the wedding, and his eyes flashed over him, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

While he had _believed_ that Tony was in love and while he had spoken to him over the last year, it was still nice to see him alive and well.

“You may be able to tell from the handsome similarities between us,” Howard was announcing to the crowd, typical charming arrogance - a trait also found in his son. “I would like to introduce my son, Anthony Stark: heir to Stark Industries, and his partner: a businessman you may be aware of, Loki Laufeyson. They have been living happily together and assisting SI from their home, but after much badgering on my part,” he flashed the reporters a smile, “they have finally agreed to make New York their permanent residence and take on more active roles in Stark Industries.”

The questions flew out after that, but Steve could only watch Tony and the way he held onto Laufeyson, _looked_ at Laufeyson,and how they smiled at each other. They had a hint of nervousness about them, but they answered every question fluidly, confidently, and they joked with Howard as if they’d all known each other for years.

They were a _family_ , Steve realised, and he also knew just how quickly he and Bucky could be included or excluded from that.

“I’ll be damned,” he murmured.

“You didn’t know about this,” Natasha commented, and Steve looked away from the screen, moments before Barton closed it and slipped it back in his pocket, still fuming.

Natasha was watching him carefully, but he answered her honestly. “We all guessed they were together, but I _didn’t_ expect this.”

She still seemed suspicious, probably well aware he was holding something back from her; she was good at her job after all.

Clint just thrust his hand through the air, agitated and expressive. “ _Anthony fucking Stark_ though, how could we have _not_ known that damn bombshell?”

“Fury wanted it hidden.”

Clint turned accusing eyes on her. “You _knew??_ ”

Natasha smiled, a little amused despite herself as she grabbed her latte. “For a federal agent, Barton, you’re not very good at discovering secrets.”

“He was a _co-worker_ , not a _target_.” She shrugged, and he narrowed his eyes. “Nat, you know there’s a difference, right?” She smiled behind her cup and turned away. “ _Nat_. Oh god, how far did you dig into me? _Nat_.”

Clint was so busy jogging at her heels that he didn’t even think to grab his sugary concoction. Sighing, Steve just started walking after his agents.

He knew it wouldn’t be the end of it; Natasha would find and interrogate more out of him if she didn’t go directly to Fury. Clint would come to him too, quiet and thoughtful and ask about Laufeyson and Tony.

He’d have to speak to Bucky, get their stories straight and figure out how much to divulge. It was going to be nice though, to talk about Tony’s relationship openly, to have it universally acknowledged that they were a couple - not from fear, not from spite, and not from mental illness.

They were together, and they were... free.

Free from anything that made their association a conflict of interests or even illegal. They would have a long way to go to be accepted, and Steve couldn’t say Bucky would ever forgive Laufeyson for his past, but... but it was a start, a _good_ start.

It was also an _open_ one, and after spending so long hiding his own relationship with Bucky - when he was still hiding it to some degree, but not from any of the people who mattered. Well, Steve could begin to imagine how happy they must be feeling, knowing that they finally had a chance to come out of the shadows.

Steve could only hope it turned out well for them, but even after only seeing that brief video of how they looked, how they acted together, Steve liked to think that it would.

Because if that was the man Loki Laufeyson had turned out to be? If Tony had managed to capture and hold onto his heart and Loki had done the same? Then Loki and Tony would be sure to grow old together, feeling happy and cherished and loved.

And who was Steve to stand in the way or disapprove of something as romantic and coveted as that?

Brushing a hand against his shirt, he could feel his wedding ring where it rested against his chest. Steve could only smile brightly and be grateful that someone else had managed to find just as much happiness as him - no matter who the person was and what their past might have been.

Happiness was happiness and love was love, and as long as Tony had both, who was he to say anything else other than ‘ _congratulations_ ’?

* * *

“What do you think?” Tony asked Loki, a reversal of what had happened the last time they entered a new home.

Loki glanced at him and smiled, letting go of his hand and putting down Caesar’s cat cage as Loki went to explore the penthouse apartment. Tony placed Billie’s down too and opened the doors, letting the cats come out in their own time and knowing JARVIS would let him or Loki know if they were in any danger of injuring themselves.

Following after his lover, he found Loki didn’t go far before being captivated by the bay windows that revealed the city spread out before them.

Stopping beside Loki, he slipped his hand into Loki’s and asked again, “Well?”

“It’s different,” he allowed before turning to Tony and grinning at him. “But I like it.”

“And Idaho is only a plane flight away,” Tony assured him.

“Yes,” Loki agreed before turning and leaning down to kiss him. Tony smiled and curled into the kiss. They stayed there for some minutes, just slowly letting their lips and tongues meet as the sun set over the city.

When they broke apart, Tony grinned and asked him, “So, how does it feel, having the whole world know you captured the heart of Anthony Stark?”

Loki laughed, but his eyes were as bright as the stars. “Like I could walk on the clouds or conquer the world, but feeling far too happy where I am to ever leave this place right here by your side.”

“You’ll never have to,” Tony promised. He then swallowed a little. “Would you like to have dinner with me, tomorrow night?”

“I have dinner with you every night,” Loki teased.

Tony laughed, but even though he was nervous, it didn’t feel that bad. “At a restaurant, you and me, going under our own names and leaving together this time.”

Loki’s smile had softened, and his eyes were beautiful enough to make Tony’s heart skip a beat. “I would love that.”

“Great,” Tony told him, before pulling him down into another kiss.

It was only the first step, but Tony was confident... alright, he was fucking terrified, but it didn’t matter; he was sure it would be okay.

They had a reservation, and they’d have a lovely dinner. When they left, Tony would lead him onto the nearby bridge where it would be snowing, just like last time. It would remind them of the moment they got together... and under the snow, with Loki smiling, he’d get down on one knee and he’d... he’d hopefully get the answer he wanted.

Tony would ask Loki to spend the rest of their life together; he would show Loki once and for all that he was staying, that he was _choosing_ Loki. He’d get rings on their fingers and kiss Loki for the world to see, because he loved Loki with all his heart and wanted to show it every day and in every way that he could.

They had two homes, two cats, and a lifetime of adventures to look forward to.

They had _each other_ , and with Loki in his arms and in his heart, Tony couldn’t imagine a better way to spend his life, then right at Loki’s side, holding his husband’s hand.

_~ The End ~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, no wedding, but the inspiration just wasn't pulling me in that direction, but rest assured the proposal _does_ happen how Tony envisions it and he _does_ get his yes. Anything else can be up to your imagination, and I'm sure the event will be beautiful and full of feels ♥
> 
> I hope this was everything you wanted and enjoyed in a final chapter of this series!
> 
> Thank you once again. ♥


End file.
